The narratives in this series really end at age sixteen, with the incident I recount in my Cometfire story Ninety six. But I've mentioned at several points the single incident in which I had sex with another guy after that point; and maybe that's as good a good wrap-up to the narratives as any. So, here ya go. :)

After I went into deep denial at age 16 about my boy-sex past, I ignored any stray thoughts I had about same-sex relationships. When I was in college, where for the first time I was around truly gay (as opposed to homosexual) people, I began wondering about that. Like alot of people, college was the first time in my life I asked questions like "Who am I?" and "Why am I like this?" College is a whole set of narratives in itself. I'm not going there, however, so don't worry. :)

When I was 21, I decided to take a year off from college, and drive across country to the West Coast - a part of the US where I had never been and knew absolutely no one - partly to make some money so I wouldn't have to work my senior year of college, and partly for the pure adventure of it. I tried to persuade various friends to go with me, but nobody would go. So I went off, and had all kinds of adventures along the way, and maybe someday I'll write that set of narratives, too, but I'm tired. :)

I stopped off in a very out-of-the-way town in the desert for breakfast one morning, at a hotel/restaurant/bar on the main street. I sat at the bar and ordered my breakfast (spaghetti and a rum & Coke) and struck up a conversation with the 4-5 guys at the bar and behind it. One of them was the owner, as it turned out. The others had to go off to work or whatever, but he and I kept chatting.

Somehow, the topic of sex entered the conversation. Eventually, he asked me if I had ever thought about acting in X-rated movies. I said "Hell, yeah!" After some other conversation, he told me that he was an agent for a filmmaker and that he could help me get a part if I wanted. He told me that male porno actors all had to perform bisexually, and asked me how I felt about that. I said I thought I could handle it.

Now, all this movie-agent stuff was a crock of b.s., of course. The guy just wanted to have sex with me, and I knew that from the first time he mentioned bisexuality. But I was curious. So I said, "Okay, what do I have to do?" He said, "I can 'audition' you, later. If you make the cut, I'll call up my people and we'll get you to the next step, a contract."

As you may have noticed, I'm not a retiring, diffident kind of person. So I asked him, flat out: "What's an audition? Do I suck you?" I guess he didn't expect a question that blunt. He stammered, and said, "Well, oral sex is the most common request in Hollywood." I laughed my butt off. :)

He never answered my question directly, but I had a pretty good clue. Then he said, "It's like any other line of work - if you're willing to take on the big assignments, you can make more money." I said, "What's a big assignment?" He kind of hemmed and hawed a little. (For a hustler, this guy seemed sort of amateurish, but maybe he didn't get much practice in the middle of nowhere.) After a bit, he said, "Some guys won't do anal sex. So the guys that do, they make more money."

That was a bad signal. I wasn't going to do that with him, or anyone. I said, "Is that part of the audition, too?" He quickly said, "No, no, I'm not interested in that, myself." I guess he didn't want to run me off, in case I was interested in anal, because he immediately added, "If you want to audition for that, I think maybe Frank can help us." Frank was the cook; I'd talked to him when I came in. Frank hadn't struck me as the anal sex type, or the gay sex type, or the any-kind-of-sex type. Frank had in fact struck me as the type whose life centered around looking for white stuff to go up his nose, not in his butt. But who knows - I didn't get around to talking to Frank again.

Anyway, I said, "No, I didn't want to do it. Just wondering." He said, "But you do want to audition with me, right?" I thought it over. Why not? So I said, "Why not?" :)

It turned out he couldn't "audition" me until that night - said his wife might not like it if she found out. I don't doubt that. :) He told me I could work at the hotel for the day, making beds and mopping and whatever, for minimum wage. Then that night, the "audition"; and the next day, he'd call his people if I "qualified."

Somewhere around this point in the conversation, I said, "Do you have to have a big dick? Because I don't." He said, "Well... yeah... but talent can make up for that." This guy was pretty funny, although I don't think he had a clue about that fact. :)

We talked a little more about the "business", and he told me some entertaining stories. One in particular was amusing - it concerned this young guy from a really small town in Tennessee who went into the business, doing gay films, and because he was the only person in the town's history to make it big, he became a local celebrity. And I heard some stories about what happened at the cast parties after the filming which, he assured me, was where the real fun happened. More b.s.; but it was entertaining.

Well, I stuck around till that evening. I was kind of excited about the whole thing, really. I mean, this was over five years since the last time I'd had sex with another guy, and that was when I was still a boy. And he was an adult man, in his mid-40s. He wasn't my type, but then, I didn't know if I had a type; I'd never done it with a man. I was curious about the whole thing - about whether I was gay, and had just buried the whole thing when I went through my crisis at sixteen.

To make a long story short: After the place had settled down for the night, the owner locked up the doors, and we got down on the carpet in the lobby near the back, and did it. 69. He seemed to enjoy his part - got into it, and came fast. For my part, I lost interest halfway through, not long before he came, and my cock went soft. He noticed that fact (duh), and asked me about it. And I said, truthfully, "I guess I'm not as interested as I thought I was." He tried a couple of techniques to get me interested again, but it didn't work, so finally he gave up.

He was a little disappointed. I guess he liked sucking. :) He told me I'd have trouble in the porno-film business, because I'd have to perform on cue. He added, "And you're right - you're probably hung too small to get good roles." I said, "Well, this movie stuff was all just a way to get me to do it with you anyway, right?" He got a little huffy and said "No, no, I really do have connections, and I really could have made you a star..." Didn't want to make him mad, so I dropped it.

My thoughts at the time weren't complicated: "Well, I guess I answered that question. I didn't like it. So I'm not gay or bisexual. Makes life simpler. End of story."

As a funny footnote, as I was getting ready to leave the next morning, one of the geologists staying at the hotel asked me if I'd give him a ride to another place down the road, so I said sure. As we were riding over to his destination, we got to talking about the owner, and he said, "I noticed you were talking to him alot yesterday... did he ask you about the dirty movies?" I said, "Yeah, he wanted to 'audition' me." (I didn't add that we actually had done it.) He laughed and said, "I knew he'd hit on you. He likes them young and cute, and whenever a guy like you comes along here, he always asks them the same thing." I guess he got lucky when I showed up. :)

Ever since then, I've been fairly sure that I wasn't homosexual. But maybe my outlook is colored by that one disappointing experience. Who knows? I have more thoughts about the subject, but I'll save those for the concluding section.