In the beginning, JJ created the heaven and the earth, the earth was without form after thy departure of thy X-Files, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of JJ swept over the face of the television.


JJ said, “Let there be Alias,” and there was Alias. JJ saw the Alias, and saw that it was good. JJ divided the quality scripts from the inferior ones, and saw what he had done was good. There was worthwhile television, one day.


JJ said, “Let there be a dysfunctional family in which I can propagate the basis of quality viewing,” and it was so. JJ called the dysfunctional family Bristow. JJ saw that it was good. JJ said, “Let the Bristow put forth one deceptive wife,” and it was so. JJ saw the wife and saw that it was good. There was thy holy shoddy family, a second day.


JJ spoketh, and said, “Let there be two branches of government, one corrupt and one wholly just,” and it was so. JJ called the two branches of government the SD-6 and the CIA. JJ divided the SD-6 from the CIA. JJ called thy CIA good, and thy SD-6 he called evil. There was good and evil, a third day.


JJ said, “Let there be a sonofabitch,” and it was so. JJ named thy sonofabitch Sloane, grew him a heathenness beard of pricks, and placed him in charge of thy evil SD-6, and it was good. There was a villain, a fourth day.


JJ said, “Let there be a heroine with talents that reach far beyond any other to kicketh thine ass of any being that crosses her path,” and it was so. JJ created Sydney, the product of thy shoddy family Bristow, and equipped her with such talent as never seen before by even JJ himself. JJ saw that it was good. There was Sydney, a fifth day.


JJ said, “Let there be a sexy love interest for thy Sydney, in which to create thy holy and coveted sexual tension,” and it was so. JJ gave this being a perfectly molded forehead and named him Vaughn. JJ’s heart blew asunder with thy holy coveted sexual tension, and he saw that it was good.


JJ said, “Let there be a third-wheel love interest for thy Sydney, in which to make convenient use of when the plot permits,” and it was so. JJ gave this being a pen and a notepad and called him Will. JJ smiled sadistically, knowing what Will would do to his fans, and he saw that it was good.


JJ said, “Let there be a best friend, a few co-workers, a funny little man with mechanical talent, and a sexy evil opponent,” and it was so. Francie, Dixon, Marshall, and Sark were made, and JJ saw that it was good.


JJ saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. There was a supportive cast of intriguing characters, the sixth day.


The Alias was finished, and JJ had created it all. On the seventh day JJ finished his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. JJ blessed the seventh day, and made it holy, giving thy Alias the coveted 9 p.m. / 8 p.m. (Central) timeslot on Sunday night, and rested from all his work which he had created and made.