When I got up this morning and read your entry, I wanted to write something that would help. I wanted to find the words that would magically take you to the answers you need. (And of course, I can't. They're your words and you have to find them and you have to form them and you have to believe in them.)
The other day I was walking by a cemetary and it was so peaceful, so beautiful. I sat down at a perfect spot to think and oddly enough I was sitting directly in front of this forked road. I mean, it was one of those moments in life that you just don't ever want to forget!
And I thought about the people here at the diaries and other people who are stuck in things that they wish they could change. That road was directly in front of me and the tombstones were all around with mature trees and shrubbery and bushes. The road curves gently & softly to the right and the left, equally appearing the same. One side didn't look better than the other, they both looked the same.
We can choose one or the other tho, Linda, because we know which one is the better fork. We already know. And that fork doesn't just come along one time in our lives, it is there every day, in many different moments and opportunities and conversations and decisions. That fork is always in front of us. I think this vision is what we all have in front of our eyes every day. It should be very familiar to us all. The fork in the road is our lives, our very lives. We choose. We have the opportunity to choose. We have the freedom of choice in our lives to choose that fork many times over.
It isn't a game of "choose wisely now or never again!" No, I chose unwisely time and again and day after day and year after year. I chose unwisely many many times. And I still had that fork in front of my face again. We all do. You talk about the fork in your entry too. You say you choose the wrong road for some unknown reason and you know you do that.
We always know that what we do is wrong pretty quickly down that fork. I know that I do. I feel bad right away. Sometimes we see eyes that hurt and we know instantly that we started down the wrong road. Sometimes it takes us a little longer when we discover we went right when we should have gone left. But that doesn't mean we have to keep going.
I see this mapped out as many forks. I see a lot of forks. And we always have the opportunity to choose another if we want. Sometimes people have to pay a price for the wrong choice. And sometimes the price is high. Some are paying with their lives. Some are merely paying with a bit more inconvenience (oxygen tanks, operations, expensive medications). So far, I haven't had to pay for my poor choices. But one day it might catch up to me and I hope I'm not too angry about the price if and when it does.
But, Linda, today is as good a day as any to right all those previous wrongs and to take the fork in the road that you know is going to lead to happiness. You've been down the other fork and you know it pretty well. The next time you see a fork and are tempted to go down the wrong one - choose the other and keep going forward.
I say that over and over and over ... keep moving forward because you are on the right road finally!
Hey Linda ... I'm going to take a picture of that fork in the cemetary with my camera and I'm going to put it on my website, okay? I'll do it soon, and I'm going to dedicate that entry to you, okay? I'm going to call it "The fork in the road" okay? And the next time you are tempted to smoke, I want you to see that fork in front of your face and I want you to see the deliberate seperation between the two. And I'm going to put your quit date on that entry, Linda. I want you to keep it there forever. I don't want that date to ever change again. Like the marks on the stones in the cemetary - they're carved deep in stone. I wrote something about that once a long time ago --- about my quit date being carved in stone like a monument. I'll take the picture tonight when I get off work, okay? Will you look for it? I want this embedded in your mind the next time you have a choice to smoke or not smoke. I want you to deliberately choose the right road because you want to.
One more thing about this fork in the road. When I get off work it will be 5:00 p.m. and the sun will be going down behind me. Because if you face the fork, it is directly east, toward the rising sun, the symbol of a new day. :) Don't ya love that! :)
