You're in class here, and you're working towards this goal. You want to pass. Some of us in this class don't just want to pass, we want the "A". There are students like that who feel as if anything less than perfection is failure.
I once had somebody say to me that what I received as a grade "C" was okay, afterall, it was "average" and what's so bad about that anyhow? I was in tears, tears of frustration and anger. I have always been an honor roll student and what I considered to be above average employee too. I was furious with the grade of average. I said through my teeth "I have never been average my entire life!" That is exactly what I believe to be true. hahahahahahahaha
So, I think that is why certain ones go through such difficulty with this quit. They are the ones who will settle for nothing less than that "A". They are the ones who are too hard on themselves. They are the ones who expect perfection first time out of the gates. They are the ones who set high standards for themselves and then take it the hardest when they don't reach that standard.
I am one of those. I recognize others here who are like that too. I think we are the ones who are the biggest whiners and the loudest cryers if things don't go our way.
I watch the students who are expecting the "A's" and they are so fragile. They are walking such a fine line in life. We draw that line for ourselves. We can make it thick and heavy and easy and well-defined. Or, we can make it thin and sharp and evasive. You set your own standards for yourself. And then, if you fail, you are your hardest judge.
I want to get to the place that I do not judge myself harshly for my failures. I want to get to the place that I just learn from them and don't agonize over them. I can't imagine what life would be like if I allowed myself to make mistakes. I can't imagine that. So - here's to the ones who are out there beating themselves up cause they didn't get the "A" on the test today. I know how you feel. I do the same thing. I think we need to learn how to be a bit gentler with ourselves.
One reason why I am so determined to make it with this quit is because I know I can't accept failure in myself. So, that's my secret - it's pretty strange, it's the honor roll syndrome. hahahahahaha
126 days today of not smoking one single cigarette! 4 months, 6 days, 6 hours, 30 minutes and 33 seconds smoke free. 2520 cigarettes not smoked. $315.00 and 19 days, 6 hours of my life saved! My quit date: 2/2/2001
