I think too that when a rider starts off with a bull, he has to learn real quick which way the ride is going to go. The bull might be a twister or a jumper or any combination of things. And it's just an endurance test. If that rider makes it 7 seconds or 10 seconds or however long it is, he jumps off and hopes his ride was impressive to the judges.
I think that when we quit smoking we are walking up to that chute and hoping to just make it our 7 seconds. I guess it helps if you prepare your mind ahead of time and convince yourself that you can hang on for 7 seconds. I think we are very aware of time here too. We are very aware of the fact that if we make it through hell week, we're on top of the game.
Those of us who are bucked off before the time is up, well ... we walk away with our heads hanging and have to hope the next time goes better. It's like that with anything! You live and you learn. You walk away with your head bent down and you are thinking all the way back "what did I do wrong, and what can I do to avoid that mistake the next time?"
I rode that bull only one other time. I rode it really well and lasted to the bell. I lasted 3 months in that particular quit. And then, I smoked one cigarette because I just plain wanted to. The next day, I was smoking a pack again.
When I was a little girl, I rode ponies with no saddle and just a bridle. They were mean little creatures and sometimes bucked and jumped and reared up a little. I learned back then to hold tight. I knew the better place was always up on top and never under those feet. It's just that simple. Hold tight and don't let go. I don't know if that was what stuck with me or not, but I have learned somewhere along this road to hold on tight.
I know, as I walked back to the chute this last time and watched that bull get ready to spring, that I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. I am now over 4 months and you can bet, I know I can't smoke one for pleasure.
Sometimes I feel like we're all sitting up here in the stands and we're watching each other take our turn out there in the dirt arena on those big mean bulls. And one after another falls. And one after another walks away with their head down. We are clapping and cheering them on and saying "Next time! You'll get 'em next time!" We say that cause it's true. If you come back and try again, you have a better chance at making it.
So, don't stop trying. Next time, hold tight, you'll make it next time!
