And you seem so lonely but you don't have to anymore
If you're a heart without a home, a rebel without a cause If you feel as though you're always stranded on the shore Like a thief in the night, let me steal your heart away Maybe if for reasons what you're looking for I'll be yours I'll be yours
I'll be a new sensation, one you've never had before I got a feeling if I give you some, you'll probably want some more Did you know that, baby, you're the blue bird in my sky I only wanna make you happy 'cause I love to see you fly
And if you feel lonely, you don't have to anymore
If you're a heart without a home, a rebel without a cause If you feel as though you're always stranded on the shore Like a thief in the night, let me steal your heart away Maybe if for reasons what you're looking for I'll be yours I'll be yours
I'll be the rise in the tide I'll be yours I'll be the truth in the lie And what's more No one opens the door, I'll be the hope that you're lookin' for
If you're a heart without a home, a rebel without a cause If you feel as though you're always stranded on the shore Like a thief in the night, let me steal your heart away Maybe if for reasons what you're looking for
You're a heart without a home, a rebel without a cause If you feel as though you're always stranded on the shore Like a thief in the night, let me steal your heart away Maybe if for reasons what you're looking for I'll be yours I'll be yours
-A Heart Without A Home; Nick Carter
(CD: Now or Never)
There was nothing more humiliating than going to school with a black eye…when everybody knew you were given the shiner by a girl. You see, they'd become best of friends the summer before their Junior year of high school, when they took Driver's Education at the same Driving school. They were inseparable for all of their Junior year and Senior year was starting out much the same. Most of their peers had their suspicions, but the pair always insisted they were only friends…like brother and sister, almost. They worked together like clockwork…except when he stood her up one day for their usual Tuesday afternoon "movie date." That's when she'd decked him one…right in the eye. He'd showed up at her house later that night, laughing while apologizing. He couldn't help it…she was cute when she was mad. But, unfortunately for him, people laughing at her was completely unacceptable.
Nick looked around the classroom, with an amused smile, as his closest friends laughed at him. It wasn't so bad really, and he knew their laughter at his expense was all in good fun. He smirked at Brittany as she walked into the room, five minutes late, and took her seat next to him.
"How's the eye feeling, Nicky?" She reached over and touched his bruise, laughing when he grimaced. "Ohh…does it hurt? Too bad."
"You're kind of a brat, you know."
Brittany smiled triumphantly and pulled her binder out of her bag. There was nothing more satisfying than a little bit of good-natured revenge. "You feeling the consequences of your actions now, Nick?"
"Just shut up."
She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss just below his eye and was rewarded with a pleased smile.
"I really am sorry, you know." Brittany smiled as they drove down the road to her house.
They carpooled to school together, more as an excuse to see more of each other than they already did, as opposed to a means of saving gas. Usually they would switch off the driving every other day, but Brittany had found her own way to school that morning...possibly wanting to give Nick a little more time to cool off.
She continued when she only saw him smiling from the driver's seat. "I didn't really mean to punch you, and definitely not that hard...you just made me really mad and it was sort of a natural reaction."
"I know." He smiled. "It's okay. It'll heal. But will you ever forgive me for forgetting our movie date?"
"I guess so," she sighed dramatically and Nick knew that this time she was joking. She was quite the drama queen sometimes. "I just worry about your brain when you're forgetting things that we do on a weekly basis."
"My brain's been preoccupied, I admit."
"With what?"
He smiled at the concern in her eyes. She really was his best friend and he never had to wonder why. She reminded him every second of the day. "Wondering what I'm gonna do with your crazy ass, of course."
"Love it like it were your own."
He laughed and then the car grew silent as they both knew what was coming next. A serious talk.
"Seriously, Nicky, what's wrong?" She suddenly felt very worried. Whatever had been on his mind must have been pretty important if he'd forgotten their movie date. Nick was very good with keeping appointments.
"I was just thinking about when we graduate and I go off to school."
She looked out the side window, feeling her insides plummet. She knew he wanted to get as far away as possible. His family life wasn't the greatest and he just wanted to start over. But without her? The thought killed her.
The next months passed without any oddities. There was no punching, no blackened eyes as a result, and definitely no talk of a future that Nick and Brittany knew would take them farther away from one another. It was just something that neither of them wanted to discuss nor think of. They knew they couldn't continue living their lives around their friendship. Eventually, they would both get married and have children and their relationship wouldn't hold as much importance. Yet, the thought of being on two different sides of the country in less than two months was frightening.
Nick was the only guy Brittany had paid much attention to in the last two, almost three, years. Suddenly, she wondered if she would ever get married. She'd placed Nick on a pedestal and now she didn't know if any other man would ever compare. Every guy she would ever think was cute, every guy she would ever go out on a date with, every guy she would ever like, every guy she would ever think of marrying, would be compared to Nick. There was no way around that.
"What's wrong?"
Brittany smiled sadly as her friend, Tami, walked up to her locker, looking concerned. She knew she'd been acting strange and withdrawn lately and she knew that it was worrying her friends--especially Nick--but she couldn't help it. With only seven weeks left of school, the Senior class had been busy with what felt like thousands of Senior activities...getting ready for graduation. And graduation, in Brittany's mind, at least as of late, meant one thing: having to leave her friends...especially Nick.
She tried desperately to keep up the farce that she'd been using to shield her pain, but she knew, under Tami's eyes of scrutiny, it wasn't working. "Nothing, T, I'm fine."
"No, you're not, Brittany." Tami sighed and leaned against the locker next to her friend's. "What in the world is wrong with you? You look so depressed lately. Are you stressed?"
"You could say that." Brittany closed her locker and dropped her bag to the floor. "I just...I don't know. All this graduation stuff is getting to me."
"Aren't you excited?"
"Of course. I can't wait to graduate and have some freedom." Brittany smiled but it faded as she shrugged her shoulders. "As much as I want to leave this school...I don't want to leave my friends."
And suddenly Tami got it. It was like a light bulb had gone off in her head. "Nick."
"Not just Nick...all of you, really-"
"Brittany, you're not stressed out about losing me or Leslie or Megan or Tia or anybody else, besides Nick. And that's perfectly fine. We're all staying here in Seattle and you'll be here for another two years 'till you transfer to Westmont. You're upset because Nick is leaving in two months."
Brittany's eyes welled with tears as she knew there was no way to deny it. "I love him so much, T. He's my best friend."
"I know." Tami nodded and looked around the busy hallway, wondering if now was an appropriate time to ask. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"I know that everyone has had their speculations and I know you two deny it, and it's not like I don't believe you, it's just...are you sure you don't feel anything more than a brother-sister love for each other?"
Brittany stood, stunned. It wasn't that she'd never been asked the question before. She had. Thousands of times, in fact. But this was her best girl friend. Of course Brittany wasn't in love with Nick! And shouldn't Tami know that?
And yet, Tami's simple statement had opened a can of worms. Tami's simple statement had gotten the ball rolling. That statement stayed with Brittany for the last two months of school and for some reason, she just couldn't get it out of her head. She thought about it day and night, and night and day. Every time she looked at Nick, Brittany pondered Tami's question. Every time they hugged or gave each other strictly platonic kisses, she thought about Tami's question. And she'd thought of no answer, until the night of graduation.
Brittany stood silently, watching all of the proud parents and all of the excited graduates bustling around the school gymnasium. She'd graduated. The day had finally come. There was a strong sense of excitement in the gym and yet, all Brittany could feel was a sadness. If never leaving this school building again, for the rest of her life, meant never having to lose Nick she would stay...willingly and happily.
Earlier that evening, as she'd sat in her seat on stage, listening to the graduation speaker, she'd looked over at Nick sitting three seats down from her and she'd known...at that moment, she'd finally figured out the answer to Tami's question.
When Nick spoke, she felt her head spin; when Nick laughed, she felt her insides melt; and when Nick smiled, she felt her heart flutter. She'd never even noticed it before...but she was in love with him.
She was in love with him and he would be leaving the state, moving to the other side of the country...far, far away from her. He would go to college and be surrounded by thousands of other girls who enjoyed his company almost as much as she did. And he would start a life that had nothing to do with her.
Brittany knew all of this. And it made her heart cry.
"What are you doing just standing here?"
She could hear the smile in his voice, could picture the exact way his eyes were crinkled, and knew that if she turned around, she might never let him leave her sight again. But when he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her himself, and she saw the sudden concern in his eyes, she knew there was no mask great enough to cover the pain she was feeling.
"What's wrong?" Nick whispered, seeing tears forming in her eyes. And just as suddenly as they'd come, they fell, rolling silently down her face. "Oh gosh, baby, what is it?"
Brittany was suddenly surrounded by his wonderful scent as he wrapped his arms around her and began to lead her from the gym. Soon enough they were seated outside on a bench, the air cool around them and the stars bright in the sky. She loved Seattle's early June weather, and yet she was unable to even smile at the beauty of God's art.
Nick sat silently, waiting for her to talk first. He knew, from years of experience, that when Brittany was ready to talk, she would talk. She was not one who needed great pushing. Not with him, at least.
"I don't think I can do this," she whispered finally, her voice catching with new tears.
He leaned forward and looked up at her lowered face, trying desperately to see her eyes, but she'd closed them. "Do what, Brittany?"
"Leave this life...and watch you leave mine."
He stared at her, confused by her sudden declaration. He knew she didn't want him to move--after all, that was the topic they had spent so many hours avoiding--but he didn't know that she felt his leaving the state was him leaving her life.
"I'm not leaving your life, Brittany. I'm only leaving mine."
Her eyes poured tears of a greater sadness than she had ever known. Her parents had divorced, her family ripped to shreds, when she was ten...and yet, losing Nick, she knew, would be an even harder feat to conquer.
"I need to tell you something, Nicky. Something I didn't want to tell you, because it just seems far too unfair...but I can't let you go without you knowing."
Nick looked intent as he wrapped his hands around her own and held on, fearing her words. What if she told him she was dying? Or she was pregnant? Or she was planning on joining a convent and she would never be able to hug him again? Or...Or...Or...
"I'm in love with you."
And nothing could have prepared him for that. Suddenly all of the other possibilities he'd conjured up didn't seem quite so disbelieving. She loved him?! Since when did that happen?
"What?"
"I didn't even know until tonight. I saw you sitting up there on that stage and I just...know my life will never be the same without you in it."
Nick looked down at the ground, still completely stunned, and when he looked up into her eyes and saw the fire and the strength burning there, he knew how right it had always been. There was nothing weird or awkward or surprising about it, really. They'd always loved each other...it had only had to grow. And it had.
"I know you want to escape your family and escape your past and-" Brittany stopped, feeling as though her heart was trembling. She'd never felt anything like it before, but she knew that just as a glass shakes in an earthquake just before shattering, her heart was shaking in pain just before breaking. She looked up and saw the softest eyes she'd ever seen. "Nicky, I can't watch you leave this life."
Nick moved his hands from hers, up to her face as he pulled her closer than they already were. He'd never felt so content and satisfied before. He bent and as their lips met, he felt her tremble against him...no longer out of fear, no longer out of desperation, but out of the sheer and utter excitement of finding a new love one never knew was in hiding. "It's no longer a life one can leave."
*Author's Note: This story was inspired by my overactive imagination, which took real-life events and blew them up to the third degree. "Nick" was originally my friend, James, but the character was changed for your viewing pleasure =)
