do i have to cry for you?

Hayden, this isn't enough.

I'm empty inside...and so are you.

I love you, but I don't feel loved.

This just isn't enough.

Rolling over in bed, he felt the familiar pain sweeping through his body. She'd let go...she'd ended it...she'd let go. So why couldn't he? Why couldn't he say, "Screw the world," and move on? Why couldn't he continue on with the life he'd led before she'd entered it? He'd been fine...he had a wonderful career, many friends, a loving family. He was Hayden Christensen and dozens of women wanted him. He'd been Anakin Skywalker, for Heaven's sake. The Darth Vader.

He hadn't been expecting her, he hadn't needed her, he hadn't wanted to need her. But she'd come through his life like an exciting, thrilling roller coaster...and as fast as she'd come, she'd gone.

Why couldn't he let her go?

Samantha Martinez reached over and hit the Snooze button on her incessantly ringing alarm clock. It could not be time to get up already. It felt like she'd just gone to sleep. In actuality, she'd been sleeping for ten hours...longer than she'd slept in months.

She'd thought it would be easy...moving on with life...going about her daily routine without him. It's not like he'd been there much when they were together. He was always off filming movies, attending premieres and award ceremonies, hanging out with posh Hollywood stars. She'd never fit in, never truly melded with his lifestyle...that truth had been painfully obvious and very humiliating.

Sam sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. Either she didn't get enough sleep or she got absolutely too much and was left feeling groggy throughout her day...she just couldn't win. She got up to feed her dog before getting into the shower...but didn't actually make it to either chore. She was stopped in the hallway by the blinking light on the answering machine...and by the voice that filled her house and killed her heart.

Hayden crossed his eyes and couldn't help but smile as the baby laughed at him. It was the first genuine smile that had come across Hayden's face since Sam had left him. He'd done something really stupid, he realized, as he sat on the park bench and waited. He'd called her and left a message, asking her to meet him at the park that night. Why he'd done it, he had no idea...he just knew he needed to see her.

Their meeting time came and went and Hayden had finally given up an hour later. She wasn't going to come. With a giant breath, he stood from the bench and looked across the now nearly desolate park. There were so many things he wished he had never done...so many things he would change about himself if he only knew how. In his mind, it was too late. He'd already lost Sam...what more was there to lose?

He made his way to his truck and didn't notice the girl getting out of a car across the street.

Sam knew she shouldn't have gone to meet him at the park. She knew that his not being there had been a sign...a sign that told her to stay away from him. She'd ended it already...there was no point in pouring salt on their wounds.

Having gone to the park and attempting to see him again was bad enough as it was. It had reopened way too many feelings...anxiety, excitement, and that all too familiar pain that she felt every time she thought of him.

She should have just left well enough alone...but Sam had done a lot of things she shouldn't have. She'd accepted a date with a movie star, mistake number one. She'd fallen in love with that movie star, mistake number two. She'd let that movie star put everything in his life before her for far too long, mistake number three. And she'd broken up with him before getting her heart back...mistake number four.

Hayden looked down at the invitation in his hands.

"Do I have to bring a date?" he asked, looking up at his agent. He couldn't even think about going on a date. The thought made him shudder...he just wasn't ready. It had been four months since Sam had ended their relationship...four months and he still couldn't date.

How pathetic, he thought bitterly.

"No," Angela Walkers laughed quietly. "You could go to the Grammies without a date. Be just about the only person walking the carpet alone..."

Hayden rolled his eyes. Angela could exaggerate like none before her. "Just about the only person? Are you sh*tting me, Ang?"

She smiled and looked away from him for a moment. "You used to love bringing dates places."

"I used to love bringing Sam places."

"Why don't you just ask her, Hayd?"

He felt his jaw tighten involuntarily and had to cast his eyes away from her and back to the invitation. Nobody would see him cry.

"C'mmon, Sam, just go with me," Jennifer Hawthorne pleaded with her best friend. "I won tickets and there's nobody else I'd want to go with. Why are you being so difficult?"

"I don't wanna go, Jenn." Sam was fighting for control. If she let Jenn talk her into going, she'd be the biggest pushover that ever walked the earth. She did not want to go to the Grammies. She did not want to go anywhere that had any association with Hayden.

Jenn sighed, feeling a migraine coming on. Her friend could be a real pain in the ass sometimes. "Why not, Sam?" And then she spoke more carefully, "You probably won't even see him."

"What are you talking about?"

"We'll be sitting with the commoners...You won't even be in the same area, Sam."

"Fine."

"You did what?" Sam shouted, near hysteria. How could this be happening? She and Jenn were on their way to the Grammies and Jenn had just now told her that along with the tickets to the ceremony, she'd won admission into one of the most popular after parties. "How could you not tell me this? What if I see Hayden there? You told me I wouldn't see him, Jenn!"

"Sam, would you be quiet? There are a ton of after parties. He could be at any of them. Who says he'll be at this one?" Jenn was trying to be rational, but she knew there was a very big chance of Hayden going to the party they were going to...and it was very possible Sam and Hayden could run into each other.

Sam looked at her friend, outraged. Jenn had promised they wouldn't run into Hayden. She could feel the butterflies once again circling inside of her stomach. "Jenn, we're going to the most popular party there is and you don't think Hayden will be there?"

"I didn't say he won't be there. I'm just saying...it's possible he may go to a different party."

"I hate you," Sam grumbled, looking out the car window. She felt like vomiting, she felt like crying, she felt like screaming, she felt like hitting her friend...she felt like dying because, in an odd way, the prospect of seeing Hayden made her heart flutter.

Sam looked around the party nervously. She was afraid of Hayden seeing her first. She was afraid of being caught off guard...petrified of Hayden walking up from behind, of not being able to fully prep herself before saying hello.

Who says we have to say hello anyway? Sam thought to herself as she felt Jenn pulling her toward the bar. Just because we dated for two years doesn't mean we have to talk to each other now. We're through.

"Sam, would you loosen up a little bit?" Jenn growled as she pulled a stiff Sam through the crowd. "We're amidst a ton of celebrities and you're acting like your f*cking cat just died."

"Shut up, Jenn, you're the one that got me in this mood in the first place."

"Technically, you did. You're the one that broke up with Hayden."

Sam glared at her over the rim of her glass. Why did her friend have to be such a pain in the ass?

"Don't say that so loud, Jenn."

Sam looked with wide eyes at the man standing behind her friend. Her silence wasn't just due to the fact that she was seeing him, face to face, for the first time in months...but he'd heard her and Jenn talking about him!

Lord, why me? Sam thought to herself as she stood from her stool, knowing she had to face the music. She had to face Hayden.

"Hi, Hayden."

"Hi, Sam."

Jenn looked between the two, feeling awkward and sorry for her friend. She'd promised Samantha that she wouldn't have to see him. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was what Sam needed to finally leave Hayden and all of their memories behind her. But they didn't need her there. In fact, they'd probably do better without her in the way.

"It was nice seein' you again, Hayden. I'm gonna go steal a chat with some hottie Hollywood star."

Sam watched Jenn walk away, getting quickly lost in the crowd. How could she leave her? What was she supposed to say to Hayden? An uncomfortable silence came upon them and Sam had never felt so awkward in her entire life.

"Hey, Sam?" Hayden spoke, breaking her away from her silent thoughts. A small smile formed on his face as she turned her gorgeous eyes up toward him. "Think we could go somewhere and talk?"

"We can talk here."

"We can?"

Sam looked around the bustling room. Maybe not. "Yeah...let's go somewhere."

"So I hear you're working on a new movie," Sam started pathetically. What more were they supposed to talk about? He hadn't actually meant he wanted a serious discussion, had he?

"Yeah," Hayden looked down, shuddering as he saw his own reflection in a puddle below him.

"Have you starting shooting for it yet?"

"No. We're not starting for another two months."

Sam nodded. "I see."

"Sam, I didn't bring you out here to talk about my career." Hayden leaned back against the bench and turned toward her, his eyes finally meeting hers. "We gotta talk...about what happened between us."

Sam rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "Don't you think it's all one and the same?"

"Don't act like that, Samantha. You know I loved you."

"Did I?"

Hayden pulled back, looking stung. Had she really thought he hadn't loved her? "Well, I hope you would have known that. Gosh, Sam, I loved you more than anything."

"Anything, Hayd? That's why you were always gone...physically, emotionally, mentally? My Lord, Hayden, when you were there physically you were off in la-la land."

"My career keeps me busy, Sam. What do you want from me?"

"Nothing, Hayden!" Sam stood from the bench and stared down at him with cold eyes. "That's why I broke it off. If I wanted something from you, wouldn't I still be with you?"

"Would you?"

"Don't turn this around on me, Hayden. This is your doing...you did this."

Hayden scoffed and looked away from her, his eyes unseeing. "Yeah, and you had no fault in any of it, right?"

"What did I do but love and support you?" Sam sat back down on the bench and sighed, feeling defeated.

"And nag me and make me feel as though nothing I ever did was enough? Nothing at all, Sam. You were an angel."

Sam inhaled sharply, grabbing his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. "Do you mean that, Hayd? Was I really that bad to you?"

Hayden winced at the fierce tone of her voice. "No, Sam. Even if you did get a little overbearing sometimes...you were wonderful. We were wonderful."

"No, we weren't."

"Yes, we were, Samantha." Hayden sighed and stood from the bench, pacing in front of her. She drove him nuts sometimes...but gosh, he loved her. "Baby, all you remember are the bad times. Don't you remember all those times we'd go out on the boat together and have picnics on the islands we'd discover? All the times we'd be at parties and would have to leave early because we'd watch each other from across the room and end up dying with passion for the other? We'd have to rush home and make love. I know you remember, Sam."

"Hayden, don't."

"No, Sam, listen to me." He bent and took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. "We were in love. I know we were. Don't deny it. I know you remember; you couldn't have forgotten."

Sam sighed and lowered her eyes, her face still held firmly between his hands. She couldn't keep this up. She needed him no matter how hard having him often was. Leaning down, she placed her hands against his face and kissed his lips gently, smiling when she felt his tears against her hands.

"What do I need to be, Sam? Tell me and I'll be it."

Tears poured from Sam's eyes as she reached up and ran her fingers through Hayden's hair. "Just be you, Hayd. Just be you."