I don't wanna be the filler if the void is solely yours I don't wanna be your glass of single malt whiskey Hidden in the bottom drawer I don't wanna be a bandage if the wound is not mine Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you I don't wanna be your babysitter You're a very big boy now I don't wanna be your mother I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months Show me the back door...
...I don't wanna be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon I don't wanna be your other half, I believe that one and one make two I don't wanna be your food or the light from the fridge On your face at midnight Hey what are you hungry for
I don't wanna be the glue that holds your pieces together I don't wanna be your idol See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights I don't wanna be lived through A vicarious occasion Please open the window...
...I don't wanna live on someday when my motto is last week And I, I don't wanna be responsible for your fractured heart And it's wounded beat I don't wanna be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling What do you thank me What do you thank me for...
-Not The Doctor, by Alanis Morissette (CD: Jagged Little Pill)
Maddy stood up, the squeel, as her chair scraped against the ground, being the only noise in the hall. She walked steadily towards Nick and reached out, touching his face gently.
Nick looked towards her, tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Maddy... I-I didn't know she was going to be here... I'm sorry for what she said to you..."
Maddy looked down, a small smile forming on her face, "Nicky," she spoke, casting her gaze upon him again. "I know you love her," she gestured with her head towards the door that Ashley had vanished through, "Go after her."
He looked down at her for a few seconds, before pulling her into a strong embrace, "Thanks, Mad... I love you," he whispered, before escaping through the door that Ashley had used.
Maddy stood there with the same smile on her face. "I love you too, Nicky," she whispered, before taking her seat again.
Yes, eventually, the party continued... Maddy being joined by Ashley's boyfriend, both of them now feeling a tad bit out of place.
~ * ~
Nick walked through the wet grass, which led to the water. He could see her silhouette in the moonlight. She was leaning against the railing that separated the sidewalk from the ocean. As he neared, he could hear that she was crying. His heart seemed to break all the more... but Ashley still didn't slip through the cracks.
Nick walked closer and ended up standing behind her. It happened so quickly that he could hardly think... Ashley turned around and threw her arms around his neck, breaking down into a bundle of sobs.
No words were exchanged between the two... later they would talk... but Nick knew that at that moment, all she needed was to be held.
~ * ~
"I'm so sorry for everything that I put you through, Ash," Nick whispered, at two in the morning, as they sat on the sand together, the sun having set long before. They'd watched it go down... and though neither of them had said anything about it, they both felt as if it was a symbol of the past two years of their lives finally coming to an end.
Ashley didn't answer him, just breathed steadily, her head still resting on his shoulder, as she sat in between his legs, his arms around her in a comforting hold. "I've missed you," she whispered after a few minutes.
He looked down at her for a minute, before burying his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent of her hair. "I missed you too, Ash... I missed you too. You're my everything... my everything. It's as if you possess me. As if you own me. You're my soulmate."
She looked up at him, and as she spoke she'd never seemed more innocent to Nick, "I don't want to be all that, Nick... I just want to be yours."
The End
