Nick awoke in the middle of the night to hear Aaron crying in his room. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and quickly turned off the baby monitor so it wouldn't wake Kindlin up.
"What's wrong, baby?" Nick whispered as he reached Aaron's crib.
Aaron looked up at him and whimpered quietly, a few more tears cascading down his chubby cheeks. Nick leaned down and picked him up, cradling him against his chest. They stood in the middle of the room a few minutes, before Nick walked over to the rocking chair and sat down, beginning to talk to his son.
"Is it wrong to not want another baby? Your momma thinks it is, buddy. She's mad at me. We haven't been getting along very well lately, because she thinks she's pregnant and I wouldn't be able to handle it if she is." Nick sighed and looked at his son as he stared up at his father with big eyes. "I know that you don't understand a thing that I'm saying, but it makes me feel better to have someone to talk to. I know that it's okay to be content with the children that you already have ... but is it okay to not want another child with everything in you? Especially if your wife may already be pregnant with that other child? I love your mother very much. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose her if I'm too scared to have another child. It's just that when your sister died ... well, I'm just so scared to have another baby and take the chance of losing another one. It hurts too much."
Kindlin had woken up the instant that Aaron had begun to cry. She walked to his room and stood in the doorway, listening to all Nick said to their son. "Nicky," she whispered with tears in her eyes as she walked over to the rocking chair and knelt down beside it.
Nick looked over at her in surprise. He hadn't known that she was awake. "How long have you been there?" he whispered, noticing that Aaron was beginning to fall asleep again.
"I heard what you said," Kindlin's voice was hushed, as well, as she rested her head against his shoulder, reveling in his warmth. "Why can you talk to your son about this, but not me?"
He sighed, his voice wavering as he answered, "Because he doesn't fight with me when I talk to him."
Kindlin felt a few tears slide down her face as she looked up at her husband. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him, "I'm so sorry," she whispered, in-between kisses, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
"So am I. I'm sorry that I can't get over her death. I just can't do it. Tell me you're not pregnant," Nick begged as he looked at her in the dark.
"I can't, Nick, I can't," Kin began to cry again as she buried her face against the side of his shoulder.
Nick sighed, "I know."
"I'm not asking you to get over Andraya's death, Nick. I don't ever want to get over her death, myself. If I get over it and become numb to it I could forget her ... forget how she smelled, how soft her skin was ... you think I want to get over her? I don't; not at all. I'll carry her with me in my heart for the rest of my life and I would hope that you would do the same. But I'm asking you to not shut me out ... if we're going to have another baby, don't shut that new baby out because of Andraya's death."
Nick stood from the rocking chair slowly and walked to the crib, placing Aaron inside. He pulled the little blanket up over him and stared down at him sleeping for a few moments. With a sigh Nick turned and gave his hand to Kindlin as she stood from the floor.
"Let's go to bed, Kin," Nick lead her into the hallway, leaving Aaron's bedroom door open a crack. Nick wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, kissing her cheek gently, "I just have a lot to think about. Tomorrow we'll go to the doctor and see if you're..." he trailed off.
Kindlin gulped and nodded, "Okay," she whispered, intertwining her fingers with his.
They walked back into their bedroom and closed the door behind them. It took a while for them to fall asleep, but soon enough they were asleep in each other's arms, their alarm clock set to wake them up at 8 a.m. They would get up and go to the doctor.
~ * ~
Kindlin sat on the examining table, her feet hanging down, her fingers running through her hair constantly in a nervous habit. Nick was sitting in a chair next to the table, shaking his foot up and down. He hated hospitals to begin with, but this was definitely one of the worst times he'd been in one. If the doctor told Kin that she was pregnant he didn't know what he'd do.
A few minutes later Dr. Angie Foreman walked back into the room, test results in hand. She sat down at her desk wordlessly and rolled her chair over so that she was sitting right in front of Kindlin.
"Mrs. Carter, we have the results of your pregnancy test," Dr. Foreman smiled gently and opened the manila folder that sat on her lap. Pulling out a piece of paper she handed it to Kindlin and said, "You're pregnant, Kindlin."
Kindlin sat there completely still, not knowing whether to cry or to laugh. She wanted to feel happy, but she felt guilty about feeling that way when her husband was obviously so opposed to having another baby. She watched Nick bury his head in his hands and begin to cry. Turning away, not being able to look at him, her shoulders began to shake as she cried her own tears.
