I thought it was over, baby We said our goodbye's But I can't go a day, no Without your face Goin' through my mind
In fact not a single minute Passes without you in it Your voice, your touch, Memory's of your love Are with me all of the time
Let me let go, baby Let me let go If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Oh, you're still in my soul Let me let go
I talked to you the other day Looks like you made your escape You put us behind No matter how hard I try I can't do the same
Let me let go, baby Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead end road
Let me let go, darlin' Won't you I just gotta know, yeah If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Oh, you're still in my soul Let me let go
Lights of the strange city are shinin' But they don't hold no fascination for me I try to find the brighter side, baby But everywhere I look And everywhere I turn You're all I see...
Let me, let me let go, baby Won't you Let me let go... It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead end road...
Ohh, let me let go, darlin' Won't you If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Yeah, you're still in my soul Let me let go
Let me let go... (Ohh, let me, baby) Let me let... go...
-Let Me Let Go, by Faith Hill (CD: Faith)
~*~ March 1, 2000 ~*~ Some Place in Some Other Country ~*~
Nick walked back to his hotel in utter disbelief that he had actually managed to sneak out earlier, and go on a walk without a bodyguard and without being recognized. He walked discreetly through the back door and over to the front desk, "Hi, have I gotten any phone messages or mail?"
"Yes, sir, Mr. Carter," the man handed Nick a few envelopes and Nick immediately began shifting through the pieces of mail, hoping the one he really wanted to be there, would be.
But when he got to the end of the small stack, he sighed, realizing it wasn't. Sticking the letters, which were from his parents, brother, and sisters, into his coat pocket, Nick told the receptionist at the marble desk, to forward his phone messages to his room. He still had some faith... Maybe, just maybe, she had called him... he only hoped, as he walked to the elevator and hopped aboard.
~*~ Some Small Town Near Santa Barbara, California ~*~
I still recall the words you said to me It's what you did not say that sets me free Now how can I find peace of mind When you keep coming back again? It's not okay for you to play This game of see-saw with my head
Don't call me, don't write Don't show up in the middle of the night You know that we needed Some time and space to breathe...
...And this is letting go This is letting go
-Letting Go, by Sozzi (Thanks Tino24BSBKev)
Jaden Mitchell sat at the cash register in the 'never busy' bridal gown store. She didn't know if it was just that no one got married in the sleepy little town, or if their wedding gowns just sucked... she didn't think they did, at least.
Jae tapped her foot against the foot railing on the uncomfortable, metal stool. She was bored out her mind and working at a store that had to do with wedding's did not help ease the pain of the situation she was going through with... him.
Him: A guy that had been her boyfriend for three years. The guy that she had experienced anything and everything with... they had seen each other through all the ups and downs that they'd gone through in the past three years... unfortunately, that was a lot of downs - but the ups always seemed to make up for the bad times.
She wouldn't take back those three years for the world. Even if things, now, were horrible. It was on December 1st, 1999, that it all happened...
~*~ Flash Back ~*~
Jaden walked excitedly down the hotel hallway. She knew it was sort of the guy's role to do what she was about to do - but she didn't care. She was on her way to 'propose' (although, since they were still young, they would wait a while to get 'hitched') to Nick.
Upon reaching Nick's hotel room door, Jae knocked her special knock, so Nick would know it was her. She heard a rustling sound on the other side of the door, followed by Nick's quiet curse.
"Open the door, Carter," Jaden spoke, feeling suspious and nervous at the same time. "Nick??"
The door opened and Nick stood there, looking pale, "Hi, Honey."
Jae's eyebrows scrunched together. "What's wrong, Nick? You're looking sort of sick," she felt his forehead... though deep down inside she knew he wasn't ill - well, maybe in the head. She felt the heat rise through her body, starting at her toes, and ending in her ears, as her anger and hurt grew.
"I-I'm fine... What are you u-up to?" Nick shifted feet and played with the door knob.
"Nothing," Jae said, quietly, as she stepped inside the room, looking around at her surroundings. 'Nothing anymore, at least,' she thought silently, to herself.
Nick watched as she cautiously walked over to the closet and opened the door to find... nothing. "What are you doing?"
"Noooothing," she replied, innocently. "What were you doing? I coulda sworn you were talking to someone! Hm, let's see," she walked around him in circles, inspecting his appearance. "Clothes un-disheveled... Hair perfectly in place. So at least it was just 'idle' chit-chat, huh??" Jae spoke, sarcastically.
Nick looked at her, putting on a shocked expression, "What are you talking about?? What, you don't trust me?? After three years? My gosh, Jae!"
Jaden walked over to the bathroom door and turned her back to it, facing Nick again, "I dunno. Let's see just how much those three years meant to you," with that, she put her hands behind her back and popped the door open. She didn't need to turn around and see the chick that had stolen the love of her life's heart... the look on Nick's face gave it all away... she had been right, about everything. "I didn't trust you enough? No, I think that's where you're wrong... I think I trusted you too much, Nick."
Jaden, not being the type of girl to walk out the door without giving Nick the chance to explain, she stood there waiting for him to say something... anything. But a few minutes passed and Jaden found herself not only walking out of the hotel room, but out of Nick Carter's - the only man she'd ever really been in love with - life.
His silence had been her answer... he no longer loved her... he had been cheating on her. Despite the fact that she'd been by his side, mercilessly, for three whole freakin' years! It didn't matter how long it'd been going on with this other girl... what mattered was that it had happened. And that was that.
~*~ Present ~*~
Jaden sighed and stood up, grabbing her keys off the counter. She picked up her coat and purse and locked up the store for the night. With a deep breath, Jae walked to the parking lot and to her car. She hopped in and headed for Santa Barbara. She knew it was time to let go of him, completely, but it was so hard to do that when he would call and leave messages on her machine, begging her to call him back; when he'd email her, letting her know how sorry he was; when he said, on national television, that he'd love her forever.
In a way, Jae didn't even want to forget about him. But she knew she had to... once she went to his house one last time. He was on tour, but she just needed to at least smell one of his t-shirts for the last time. Jaden promised herself, that after that she would forget about Nick Carter... though she knew that would be impossible.
~*~ Back In 'The Other Country' ~*~
Nick sighed a dejected breath. None of the phone calls had been from Jae, but he had figured that they wouldn't be... they never were. He just wished he could have the chance, again, to explain. He had had it once and then thrown it away... along with his life. He was just glad he was finally going home, the next day.
~*~ Santa Barbara ~*~
I went to your house I walked up the stairs I opened your door without ringing the bell I walked down the hall Into your room Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here Without permission I shouldn't be here
Would you forgive me, Love? If I dance in your shower Would you forgive me, Love? If I laid in your bed Would you forgive me, Love? If I stay all afternoon... ohh...
I took off my clothes Put on your robe I went through your drawers And I found your cologne Went down to the den Found your CDs And I played your Johnny...
And I shouldn't stay long You might be home soon I shouldn't stay long
Would you forgive me, Love? If I dance in your shower? Would you forgive me, Love? If I laid in your bed Would you forgive me, Love? If I stay all afternoon
I burned your insence I ran a bath I noticed a letter that sat on your desk It said, 'Hello, Love. I love you so, Love. Meet me at midnight.'
And no! It wasn't my writing I better go soon It wasn't my writing
So forgive me, Love If I cry in your shower So forgive me, Love For the salt in your bed So forgive me, Love If I cry all afternoon... ohh...
-Untitled (Hidden track), by Alanis Morissette (CD: Jagged Little Pill)
Jaden walked inside the beautiful home, courtesy of the spare key Nick had previously given to her. She immediately walked up to Nick's room and picked up a t-shirt that had been carelessly tossed onto the floor. She could smell the familiar scent of his cologne, right away.
Tears filled her eyes and she willed herself not to let them fall. But she knew she had failed that difficult task when she felt the hot tears start to roll down her pale cheeks. Taking a deep breath, Jaden pulled her sweat shirt off of her body and slipped into Nick's white t-shirt, feeling the coolness of the fabric, since it had been un-worn for a while.
Jaden grabbed a piece of paper off of his small wooden desk, pulled a pen out of one of the drawers, and scribbled a quick note down. Signing the letter "Sincerely, Jaden Mitchell," Jae placed the letter at the end of the desk, where he was sure to find it, and walked down the stairs, accidently forgetting her sweatshirt in Nick's room.
She went into the kitchen and looked around, noticing that the picture of her that had always sat on the window sill, above the sink, was still there. She felt something scamper by her leg and knew it was one of Nick's many dogs.
Jaden looked down to see Mikey standing at her feet, wagging his tail. She laughed at the way his tongue was hanging out as he panted, heavily. "Aw, you thirsty, baby?"
Jaden picked the dog up and held him comfortably in her arms as she walked over to the sink and got a bowl of water for him. Jae kissed the dog on the head, before placing him down on the floor, in front of the water. "Bye, Sweetie," with that, she left the kitchen and walked out of the house.
~*~ Later That Night ~*~
Jaden was already back to her condo by the time she realized she was still wearing Nick's shirt. "Gosh, I'm such a space cadett lately!" she mumbled to herself, as she climbed the front steps to the door of her condominium.
It was then that it dawned on her that she had left her shirt at Nick's house. "Oh, no," Jae whispered. Realizing she needed to stop talking to herself in public, she un-locked her front door and stepped inside, feeling a rush of cool air, from the AC, hit her warm skin, making her shiver.
There was no way in heck, Jaden decided, that she was going to go back and get her shirt. She didn't know if Nick was coming back that night, the next day, or when... and she wasn't about to take that change for a stupid sweatshirt. "Although he will see it sitting on his floor," Jaden threw the whole 'no-talking-to-herself' rule out the window. "Got no one else to chat with..." she frowned.
"Except..." she headed down the hallway of the condo, flipping on the hall light as she passed the switch. "Hey, Alfred, you in here??"
Alfred walked around the corner, making a small smile grace Jaden's face. "Hi, Al," she picked up her cat and snuggled up to him. "I had a really crappy day today... You wanna hear about it?"
When the cat meow'ed, Jae continued with her story.
~*~ The Next Day ~*~ 2:00 in the afternoon ~*~
Nick walked into his house and sighed, loving the fact that he was finally home. He heard the scampering of his dogs running to the entry-way. Nick grinned as they all came into view and pounced on him. "Hey, you guys!" he said, while petting them.
Approximately a half hour later, Nick's dogs had finally calmed down and he was just now making his way up to his bedroom. As soon as Nick stepped inside the room, he could smell her. He felt shocked and very confused. I mean, there was NO way she could have been there... right?
But there was no mistaking that wonderful scent. He stood there, ravishing in the familiar smell of her hair and body. Her natural scent, the smell of the shampoo she used, and the laundry detergent she washed her clothes in, always collided together to form the unique and sensual aroma that Nick had grown so fond of. She never had to wear perfume or body spray's, since she always smelled so great, and that was one of the things Nick had always loved about her... she was so natural.
He sighed and walked around his room, cleaning up a little. He was extremely tired, but knew that he wouldn't be getting to sleep, knowing she had been in his house. Nick came to the last article of clothing, that lay on the floor, and picked it up.
"Holy crap," he mumbled to himself, recognizing the sweatshirt as Jaden's. "Why the heck would she take her shirt off... Let alone leave it here???" he dropped the shirt onto his bed and was about to leave the room, with a confused look on his face, when he noticed a letter sitting on his desk.
