~*~ A Week Later ~*~
"I love the way you laugh, and breathe, and smile when you touch me... Drives me wiii-iiild. I melt, and spin, and fall again. I only wish that you could see the way you love me. Love me. Whoa-oh oh the way you love me!" Jaden sang loudly to her Faith Hill CD which was playing on her sterio system, as she dusted her condo.
The sound of someone clearing their voice behind her made her scream quietly and turn around. Seeing the person that was standing in front of her, she gasped. "Wonderful performance," he grinned after heading over to the CD player and turning the volume down.
"Oh my gosh! What are you doing here??" Jae gasped and then looked down to see that she was only wearing underwear and a very tight tank-top. She had totally forgotten about that! Trying to cover herself up, she realized she was failing miserably.
"Don't forget," Nick grinned. "You're not the only one with the spare key thing goin' on."
Jaden sighed and plopped down on the couch, "Alright, alright - Well, why did you use it?"
"I think I should be asking you that."
She sighed again, "Um... your mom asked me to go feed your dogs," she lied.
"Oh, is that so... you take your shirt off to do things like that?"
She looked at him with a light blush forming on her face, "Nick... I-"
"It's alright. Go get some pants on and come down here and we'll talk, k?"
"I don't want to talk-"
"Go!" Nick pulled her off the couch and shoved her down the hall, in the direction of her room.
~*~ 30 Minutes Later ~*~
Jaden walked down the hallway, every part of her body shaking in nervousness. Her mind was reeling with questions 'What is he doing here??' 'What can he possibly want from me??' 'Hasn't he broken my heart enough?' 'Is he just here to tell me how happy him and his new girlfriend are?'
All thoughts left her mind, once she got to the family room to see Nick sitting there fidgeting nervously, totally unaware of her presence. The only thought running through her mind, now, was 'Doesn't he even known how hot he looks right now? Why did he have to come by? Whatever you do, Jae, do Not give in.'
Jaden cleared her throat, causing Nick's head to jerk up. He stood up quickly and tried to turn his 'I'm confident' act back on. "Since when's it take ya a half hour to put jeans on?" he smirked at the fact that it was obvious she had also done her hair and put on a teeny bit of makeup... just the way Nick liked it.
Jaden rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch, motioning for him to follow suit. "Would you stop goofing around and start talking about what you wanted to talk with me about?"
Nick sighed as he sat down next to her and got comfortable, "Sorry, I'll be serious. Jade, there's really no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt... What I did was stupid and if I could I would take it back in an instant. But I can't - all I can do is assure you that that girl you saw in my hotel room is totally out of my life."
"Nick, I don't know why you suddenly show up 3 months later and tell me this - What does it matter if 'what's-her-face' is out of the picture or not?"
Nick sighed. This was going to be harder than he'd thought. "Jae... I'm showing up 3 months later because I was on tour and I just got home, read your letter, took a week to think things through, and here I am."
Jaden turned on the couch to face him, "And as for the part about telling me you broke it off with 'what's-her-face'...?"
"Sadey... Her name's Sadey."
"Nick, I don't care if her name's Sadey or Barfy," Jade stood up. "Although Barfy sounds better than Sadey... Isn't that a name for a horse? ((AN: no offense to anyone named Sadey! lol It's just a story!))"
Nick took a deep breath and stood up, standing in front of her, "Jae, can't we just be mature about this? Y'know, act like adults?"
"Be mature about this?! Be mature about this?!! Nick, you cheated on me after we'd been together for 3 years... I don't know what I'm talking about, people do that all the time after being together for 25!" Jaden sighed. "Did you sleep with her?" she asked quietly, while looking at her hands and fiddling with her rings.
"No... no, I didn't sleep with her, Jae," Nick said, his soft tone matching hers.
Jaden sighed and plopped back down on the couch, burying her face in her hands. "What was it then, Nick?" her words were muffled and tears welled in her eyes. She'd promised herself, while in her room getting dressed, that she wouldn't cry in front of him - that she would look strong, so he'd never know she was even hurting - but her plan was shot to hell from the moment she saw his face, when she'd come back into the living room.
Nick knelt down in front of her, on the carpet, his head hanging low in guilt. "I-I guess it was... more like I ch-cheated on you emotionally."
She took her hands away from her face to see Nick looking at her, "I want you to tell me exactly what happened, Nick. I deserve that much."
Nick sighed and stood up, pacing the room for a few moments. He stopped at the opened glass door and looked out at the lake that her condo over-looked. The cool air from outside blew gently across his face as he spoke, "It started when you left the tour for those two weeks to go see your grandma..."
Jaden looked up at him, shock and hurt evident in her eyes, "It went on for that long??? Nick, that was in October. Two months before I even found out," her voice was hoarse but quiet, sounding like her mind was off in other places.
"Jae, a lot of things happened in the first week, while you were gone. And I needed someone so bad. I kept hoping you'd get back sooner, but the weeks just went on and you still weren't there," Nick whispered, as he walked away from the glass door and sat down next to her on the couch, facing her again. "In no way am I blaming this on you! I am not justifying my actions whatsoever. I just felt so alone..." he paused, "and that's when I met Sadey."
"I wish you'd quit saying her name... I don't want to hear her name," Jae stood up, her breathing becoming ragged as her body shook. She felt like every nerve in her body was going insane as she walked out onto the balcony of her condo and looked out at the water. Her legs felt weak and her chest hurt from trying not to cry. She couldn't hold it in any longer and hot tears ran down her cheeks as she leaned against the balcony railing for balance.
Nick gulped and stood up from the couch, hating the fact that he was hurting her so much... again. Walking outside, he stood next to her in silence for a while, but her cries only got harder and he couldn't stand it anymore. Turning torwards her, Nick pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry... I won't say her name anymore. I shouldn't tell you any more of what happened, it's hurting you too much," he whispered, tears in his eyes, as he listened to her cries being muffled by his t-shirt.
Jaden lifted her head up, "No... I want to know everything, Nick. Please," she begged quietly and continued looking at him, waiting for him to continue.
Nick paused for a while, before talking again, "We just became friends... and I should have never gotten so close to another girl, while having a girlfriend... but I did. And when you do that you take a risk of accidentally giving something to that person that isn't there's... something that doesn't belong to them. I told her everything that was going on in my life," tears welled in his eyes as he paused for a minute. "I told her everything. Things that I should've only told you. But the worst thing I did was telling her about our relationhip... things only you and I knew. Things that should have always stayed just between you and me." he looked down for her reaction, to see that she was looking at the ground, her hair covering her face. "Jae, I'm so sorry..." he whispered, sadly, wanting nothing more than to dig a grave, get inside, and bury himself alive. "It was more an emotional thing than a physical thing and every night when I'd go to sleep I'd ask myself what the hell I was doing... But I felt like I had gotten in too deep, to get out."
Jaden finally looked up at him again, "D-Did you kiss her?"
Nick nodded his head, silently, before looking down at the ground, ashamed.
Jae pulled out of his arms and leaned against the railing again, "Can you leave, please?"
"Jaden, please!" Nick begged. "don't do this... I am SO sorry. You have no idea," tears rolled down his cheeks, quickly.
She turned and looked at him again, seeing the panic in his eyes, "Nick... this was a lot for me to take in, in one day. I need some time, okay?"
Nick took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," he headed for the glass door, to leave.
"Nick?"
He looked back at her, "Yeah, Jae?"
"What all did you come for today?" she looked over at him.
Nick paused... "For you," with that, he walked back into the condo and out the front door.
...And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun To show how much I care
Don't wanna lose you now Baby, I know we can win this Don't wanna lose you now No no, or ever again...
...Whatever reason to leave that I've had My place was always beside you And I wish that I didn't need you so bad Your face just won't go away...
...Don't wanna lose to loneliness Girl I know we can win this Don't wanna lose to emptiness, oh no Never again
-Don't Wanna Lose You Now, by the Backstreet Boys (CD: Millennium)
~*~ 3 Years Later ~*~
"Jaden!!!" LeighAnne screamed across the airport, excited to see her friend after a very long time.
"Oh my gosh," Jaden breathed, barely even recognizing LeighAnne. "Leigh???? Holy crap, your hair! I love it!!"
Leigh grinned, "You look great!"
Jae laughed, "Yeah right... Where's Bri?"
Brian and LeighAnne had been dating, in Florida, when Jaden had still lived in Santa Barbara. They got married the year Jaden moved to Oregon, and had moved to Santa Barbara to live near Nick.
"He's parking the car," Leigh smiled, but then it slowly faded as she remembered something. "Um... Jae, I think I should tell you something."
"What's that?" she rearranged her backpack on her back.
"Brian... he um, brought someone with him."
"Who?" she asked, curiously.
"Um..." Leigh paused for a while. "... Nick."
"Oh gosh," Jaden breathed. "Does he... does he know? Y'know, about..." she faded off as Nick came into view, Brian walking in front of him.
Leigh watched as Nick walked closer and she whispered in Jae's ear, "Yeah... he knows about all of it."
"Oh boy..."
"Jae, girlie!!" Brian squeeled as he ran over to her and gave her the biggest hug, practically squeezing the life out of her.
"Uh... Bri, maybe you shouldn't do that," Leigh muttered, hinting to him.
"Wha? Oh... yeah. Sorry, Jae."
Jaden laughed, nervously. "It's okay." she looked down at her still flat stomach and sighed, before looking up at Nick, feeling his eyes on her. She was glad to see that he didn't look angry or upset with her whatsoever. Just glad to see her. "Hi, Nicky," she whispered, pulling him into a hug.
Nick sighed against her hair, "We've all missed you, Jae."
Jaden laughed through tears, "I've missed you guys, too. You have no idea how much."
They pulled away and smiled at each other.
"Well, let's go get my stuff," she suggested as they all walked towards baggage claim.
~*~ Later That Night ~*~ Brian and Leigh's House ~*~
Did I ever take you in my arms Look you in the eye, tell you that I do? Did I ever open up my heart And let you look inside?
If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one
The swan is gliding above the ocean A god is riding upon his back How calm the water and bright the rainbow Fade this one to black
Did I ever touch you on the cheek Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile? Did I ever knock upon your door And try to get inside?
If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one
The swan is gliding above the ocean A god is riding upon his back How calm the water and bright the rainbow Fade this swan to black
What opportunities did we allow to flow by Feeling like the timing wasn't quite right? What kind of magic might have worked if we had stayed calm, Couldn't I have given you a better life?
Did you ever take me in your arms Look me in the eye, tell me that you do? Did I ever open up my heart Let you look inside?
If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one
The swan is gliding above the ocean A god is riding upon his back How calm the water and bright the rainbow Fade this swan to black
-This One, by Paul McCartney (CD: Flowers in the Dirt)
Jaden sat on the back deck, looking out at the beautiful sunset, her mind drifting off in thoughts she wished she wasn't being forced to have.
The sound of the back door closing brought her out of them, and she soon saw Nick come into view. "Hey... want some company?" he asked, quietly.
She smiled lightly up at him and moved over a little on the couch swing that was connected to the roof above them, so Nick could sit down next to her. Nick sat down and pushed his feet against the ground so they would start swinging gently.
"So I heard you got married," Nick broke the comfortable silence that they had been sitting in.
Jaden merely nodded, not really wanting to talk about her husband.
"And Leigh told me last week that you called and told her you're pregnant."
Jae sighed, "Yeah."
Nick looked over at her, "How come you sound like that's a bad thing?"
She only shrugged.
"Well... um... tell me about your husband," Nick suggested, trying to get her to actually talk.
"We met in college... Got married... That's basically it."
Nick's eyebrows rose, "That's all ya got? No 'we fell in love'? No 'he's my life'?"
Jaden sighed, "Nick, why do you care?"
"Because I wanna know what's going on in your life... I missed you, y'know... You never called, never wrote."
"I'm married now, Nick. I can't really be close friends with guys anymore. 'When you do that you take a risk of accidentally giving something to that person that isn't there's... something that doesn't belong to them'."
Nick looked over at her, shocked that she had just quoted his exact words from three years ago. "Jae, I..."
"No, Nick, I'm so stupid!" she stood up, tears running down her cheeks. "I don't know what is wrong with me. There must seriously be something screwed in my head! Because everything in me, everything I had and was always belonged to you! It was always yours to begin with! And instead of just letting you have it, I gave it to him! Someone who I'm not even in love with! Sure, I love him! He's a great guy... But I'm not IN love with him and there's a big difference between the two! But now I'm so far over my head. I shouldn't have married him in the first place, but I did - and now I'm pregnant with his kid and there's nothing I can do to get out of the situation that I'm in! No matter what I do I'm ruining the life of the innocent child that I'm carrying... if I stay with the father of this baby, I'll be miserable - and I'm sure the kid will be miserable when it's parents are constantly fighting. But what happens to my child when it's parents are divorced and it has to be shuttled back and forth between each parent? It'll be a horrible life either way," she sighed and finally stopped pacing.
Nick had just sat there, watching her pace and listening to each word she said. "Jae, c'mere."
Jaden sighed and walked over to him, sitting down in his lap as he wrapped his arms arouned her waist. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Why? None of this is your fault."
"If I wouldn't have screwed everything up three years ago, we'd be together now and you wouldn't be in this situation."
"If we were meant to be together, why am I with someone else?"
"I don't know, Jae," Nick sighed. "I don't know."
She paused for a second, thinking about the question, before answering herself, "Because I got myself into a situation that I can't get out of..."
Let me let go, baby Let me let go If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Oh, you're still in my soul Let me let go
