I remember the rain on the roof that morning And all the things that I wanted to say The angry words that came from nowhere without warning That stole the moment and sent me away And you standing there at the doorway, crying And me wondering if I'd ever be back
I said I didn't come here to leave you I didn't come here to lose I didn't come here believing I would ever be away from you I didn't come here to find out There's a weakness in my faith I was brought here by the power of love Love by grace
And I remember the road just went on forever Just couldn't seem to turn that car around 'Til in the distance like a long lost treasure A phone booth that just could not be found And you standing there at the doorway, waiting And the moment when we laid back down
I said I didn't come here to leave you I didn't come here to lose I didn't come here believing I would ever be away from you I didn't come here to find out There's a weakness in my faith I was brought here by the power of love
That was just a moment in time And one we'll never forget One we can leave behind 'Cause when there was doubt You'll remember I said
I didn't come here believing I would ever be away from you I didn't come here to find out There's a weakness in my faith I was brought here by the power of love I was brought here by the power of love Love by grace
-Love By Grace, by Lara Fabian (CD: self-titled)
Peyton sighed as she stepped to the door, having already let the bell ring twice. She didn't feel like talking to anyone, or seeing anyone, or being with anyone... she just wanted to be alone... to be left alone. Throwing the door open quickly, her capability to breathe suddenly seemed to leave her body as she was faced with the sight of Nick on her doorstep. She felt like a baby, just having been born, not knowing how to do much at all, except blink - but then again, she was having a hard time remembering how to do that too. "Ohh... Hi," she barely managed to get out, before taking a shaky breath.
Nick didn't realize he wasn't even breathing, until his chest suddenly began to ache. He took a deep breath, gulping down as much air as he could. He hadn't seen her look so gorgeous in a long time. He hadn't seen her in such close proximity in a long time. "Peyt... I know I said I'd call... but uh, I thought maybe me stopping by was just as well?"
She nodded, her eyes still transfixed on the beautiful man on her doorstep.
Nick couldn't help but chuckle, "Uh, Peyt... you gonna let me in or what? It's getting chilly."
Peyton jerked herself from her daze, "Oh!! Yes, I'm sorry..." she moved aside, leaning against the door as he stepped in, his eyes roaming the house that they'd once shared.
"Peyton, look I..." he stopped talking as his eyes noticed that none of the pictures of himself and her had been moved, or taken down. It looked like it always had. It looked like their house, still.
She twiddled her fingers, her arms hanging down in front of her, resting against her legs. "Yeah, Nick?"
"Um... uh..." he broke himself from the daze at seeing all the pictures of them. He felt his heart break. "Peyton, will you explain to me what happened?"
Peyton had thought he'd never ask, "Oh, Nick, I would have that first day I told you I was pregnant..."
"I know... but it hurt too much to hear it then. What did I do to make you want another man? Was it the fact that we weren't sleeping together? Peyt, I thought that's what you'd wanted too... to wait until we were married to make love. It would have been so special..." he whispered, looking down.
"Nick... Could I please just tell you what happened, now?"
He nodded and she led him to the living room, where they took a seat on the comfortable leather couches.
Suddenly a thought dawned on him, "Peyt, did you abort the baby?"
Peyton's eyes practically bugged out of her eye sockets, "What?! Nick, I would never... No... I... I found out after you left that I never was really pregnant," she whispered, casting her gaze to her hands. She still couldn't get over the fact that if she'd just waited to tell Nick that she was pregnant, she never would have had to tell him in the first place... he never would have left her... they wouldn't be apart.
"Oh," Nick looked surprised. Well, at least that way he'd found out about her and the other man. "Alright, sorry to keep interrupting... go on with your story."
Peyton nodded, taking a deep breath before she began, "Alright... I went to a party, Nick, while you were away in New York doing promotion stuff. I went with Caci, and we had a great time and all - we were just dancing and drinking and stuff and just having innocent fun. But it wasn't until the next morning that I found out that someone had drugged one of my drinks... and he'd... taken advantage of me," she spoke quietly, her eyes transfixed on the floor. She continued as Nick said nothing, knowing she had more to say. "I didn't want to tell you, 'cause I was so ashamed and I didn't know if you'd understand... and I didn't want to ruin the wedding and everything. I felt so horrible that I couldn't give you what I'd been keeping just for you. So I was depressed for days, and I made myself snap out of it when you came back from New York. Well, days and weeks passed and I should have started my period... but I didn't. And that scared the crap out of me, I knew I'd had sex with that guy. So I got one of those 'at home' pregnancy test things. It read positive. The thing is... with those, when it tells you that you're pregnant it's usually always right... if it tells you you're not, you still have the chance of being pregnant. Well, so I thought that I was for sure pregnant. So that's when I told you. You left... and when I went and had a checkup at the doctor... they told me I wasn't pregnant."
Nick stared at the ground, his eyes never blinking... Peyton didn't even know if he was breathing.
"Nicky?" she whispered, moving her hand over to his heart to make sure it was beating. She could feel his heartbeat quicken, and he moved his hand up to meet hers, and hold hers against him.
Nick turned his head to face her, "I'm so sorry, Peyt. I'm so sorry. If I would have stayed around to hear what had happened... gosh, I could have been here to help you. I wish I could kill that lousy b*stard."
He said it with such seriousness that Peyton bit her lip to not laugh, or smile. Was he being protective of her again?
"Nick, it's not your fault... you reacted like anybody would have. I'm so sorry I let all this happen. I shouldn't have put my glass down and then gone back to it. That is like the number 1 'no-no' at a party."
"Peyt..."
"What?"
"Don't defend the actions of that man," he suddenly wished he hadn't called him a 'man.' He wasn't a man at all. No "person" who would touch a woman in that way was a man.
Peyton grew silent as she played with a loose thread from a blanket, twisting it between her fingers. She finally cast her gaze back upon him, "Thank you, Nick," she whispered almost silently.
"For what?" he'd heard her, just barely, and the volume of his voice was just the same as hers had been.
"For letting me tell my story. I appreciate it."
Nick's heart felt as though it had just broken all over again. How could she be thanking him for that?? He'd owed her that much! He should have been apologizing to her, "Peyton... Please don't say thank you. Not for that."
She looked at him, confused.
"I'm sorry I hadn't let you explain, when it had first happened. I was just so upset, so angry..."
Her eyes widened, not believing his words, "Nick! What do you have to apologize for?? You reacted just as anybody would have... You thought I'd cheated on you... intentionally," she felt tears form in her eyes. No matter how much she didn't want to believe it, no matter how much she hadn't intended to... she'd cheated on Nick... no matter how much it hadn't been her choice.
"You loved me, right, Peyton?" Nick asked, his eyes bearing deeply into hers... and into her soul. He just needed to hear her say it. He needed to know that all the time that they'd been together hadn't just been a complete waste of time. He needed to know he hadn't thrown his love into a relationship that had been doomed from the start.
"Are you kidding me??" Peyton's eyes were once again wide. "Nick, I loved you with everything in me! I loved nothing as I loved you... I wanted nothing more than to save every part of me for you... for our wedding night... I'm so sorry this happened," tears began to course gently down her face and Nick reached over to hold her in an attempt to condole her pain.
"Peyton... I love you. I know you probably are over me by now," Nick's voice was a steady whisper. He was scared out of his friggin' mind... but he wasn't about to let her know that... not now, not as he bared his soul and heart and mind to her, all over again. "I never stopped loving you, though. I just need you to know that, before I leave. I'm so, so, so very sorry for everything that happened to you with that prick. I'm so sorry about what I did with Dayley. I was angry, and foolish, and hurt, and immature... I'm so sorry."
Peyton had never heard him talk in such a way before. She felt her heart melting at his words, and the expression on his face. She felt her body tremble as she reached out and touched his face with the tips of her fingers. He needed a shave, but at the moment he'd never looked so attractive to her, "I love you, Nick. I love you so much."
Nick almost hadn't heard her. He'd been so ready to leave, and suddenly what she'd just said clicked with his mind, "What??" Well, maybe it hadn't fully clicked.
"I love you, Nickolas Carter. I love you!!" Peyton grinned, wrapping her arms quickly around his neck, holding him against her in a tight embrace. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." She couldn't say it enough, and Nick couldn't hear it enough.
Nick laughed giddily at her, before leaning down and kissing her gently, "I love you too, baby. I love you too!"
THE END
