Love Menagerie:

Chapter 22: Afraid You Won't Be There

Two weeks later Sarah had began her last year, having transferred to Florida State University. She was enjoying it very much and had met a girl named Casey on her second day. Casey was in Sarah's Cinema class and the two had bonded immediately. She was glad to have another girl to hang out with, since Brittany was still in Seattle.

Brittany had finally called again and as Nick had predicted, she would be staying in Seattle through the birth of the baby... which, upon going to the doctor recently, they'd found out was a boy. Brittany and Sarah had made plans for Sarah to fly over to Seattle two weeks before the baby's due date, just in case he came early. If it worked out with Nick's schedule, he would go too.

Brittany was now sixteen weeks pregnant and she'd been going with Freddy on every one of his road trips, because she was allowed to fly through her second trimester. Baseball season was over in about a month, so when the time that she shouldn't be flying came around, it wouldn't matter. Normally after the season ended, Freddy would go back to Venezuela, but they'd be staying in Seattle through the birth of their child, because of better medical care. Brittany didn't know what they were going to do after their son was born... they hadn't talked about that yet.

Freddy had started pitching in the fourth inning, on his first day out of the bullpen, because the starting pitcher had fallen apart and he'd ended up pitching the rest of the game. He'd had one more game out of the bullpen and had pitched well again... causing Lou Piniella to come to another decision... to give Freddy another shot in the starting lineup.

Everything was going great for everyone. Nick and Sarah were happy. Freddy and Brittany were happy. With how well the past two weeks had gone, it just seemed as though things were bound to fall apart.

Nick/Sarah

Nick hummed quietly to the radio as he buttoned his jeans before bending to tie his tennis shoes. Sarah was happily running around the house straightening up. She was incredibly excited because Casey and her boyfriend, J. R., were coming for dinner. Ever since Freddy and Brittany had been gone, Sarah had been talking about how cramped she felt. She said she needed more of the outside world... the only person she'd been spending time with was Nick, and as great as that was, she'd assured him, they needed to further their social life.

"Nicky?" Sarah called up the stairs and grinned when he bounded down them, looking totally sexy.

Nick batted his eyelashes at her when he saw her blushing. "Yeah, sweetums?"

"Gosh, you look good."

Nick laughed and rolled his eyes. "I'm wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes, Sar. Nothing much to look at."

"Oh, it's definitely the backwards hat and glasses," Sarah sighed and ran her hands up and down his chest. "Can we just tell our social life good-bye for good, go upstairs, and stay up there for the rest of our lives?"

"No," Nick laughed, giving her a quick hug, before running into the kitchen to get something to drink.

"A hug?!" Sarah shrieked, eyeing him from where she stood. "All I get is a hug?!"

"Yup," he smiled back at her just as the doorbell rang. "Because you gotta get the door."

"'Because you gotta get the door,'" Sarah mocked him as she made her way to the front door and opened it with a flourish. "Hey, Case! Hi, I'm Sarah," she introduced herself to who she assumed was J. R..

"Hey," he smiled and shook her hand. "I'm J. R.. Nice to meet you."

"You too! Come inside, guys!"

Hours later all four of them were sitting around the living room, talking and sipping on some very delicious mixed drinks Nick had whipped up. Who knew the boy was so good with alcohol? Screw the Backstreet Boys... he needed to become a bartender. Okay, well, maybe not.

"Oh, Nick! I almost forgot," Sarah spoke just after swallowing the drink she'd just taken and almost choked. She coughed once to regain her bearings and rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. "Casey's really big on cartooning and I told her you've fiddled around with it before... I thought maybe you could show her some of your stuff."

"I guess, but it's nothing really good," Nick shrugged modestly and stood from his place on the floor.

"Oh, Nick," Casey rolled her eyes and followed suit. "I'm sure it's wonderful. I won't keep him away long, Sar," Casey laughed.

Sarah shrugged nonchalantly before giggling to show Nick she was only joking. She pulled him down to kiss her. "Just kidding, baby."

"Yeah... right..."

Nick and Casey made their way to Nick's studio, where he kept most of his artwork. After he'd showed her his work and given her a few pointers, Nick looked at her and sighed. They were sitting on chairs at his mixing boards, talking.

"You know what, Casey? I'm so glad that you and Sarah hit it off so well. She's been dying to make some other friends here in Florida."

"What do you mean? I thought she grew up here," Casey looked confused as she pulled her legs up onto the chair.

Nick nodded, "Well, she did. But she and her best friend, Brittany, went off to college in New York and sort of lost contact with all of their high school friends. From what I've heard, every time they'd come back for vacations all their old friends would go off to Cancun and Hawaii. They all just sort of lost contact. Brittany and Sarah are like sisters though."

"Well, why does Sarah want more friends all of a sudden?"

"Brittany's pregnant and she's in Seattle right now with the father of her baby."

"Oh," Casey nodded in understanding. "I gotcha. Well, I think Sarah is a really great person and I hope she and I can become even better friends. And I'm glad she has someone as cool as you. You guys are so adorable together... I think you're wonderful for each other."

"Thanks," Nick smiled shyly, glancing around the room. "I think so, too. So what's the story with you and J. R.?"

"Actually," Casey looked down and chewed on her fingernails, nervously, "I think he's cheating on me or something. He's acting funny lately."

"Really? Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have asked if-"

"Nick, it's fine," Casey laughed quietly. "You didn't know. Not your fault."

"Well... maybe you shouldn't be with a guy that treats you like that."

"Yeah... I'm starting to realize that."

They were silent for a few minutes, before Nick stood and stretched. He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that they'd been down there for thirty-five minutes.

"Well, we should probably get back up there," Nick shrugged and began putting all of his artwork back where he kept it.

Casey nodded and walked over to help him. "Yeah, we should."

When they were finished cleaning up, they made their way out of the studio and began to walk up the staircase to the main floor.

"Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah?" Nick looked over his shoulder and stopped walking.

"Thanks."

"No problem," he smiled and turned off the light at the stop of the stairs. "Anything for a friend."

Casey and J. R.  left forty-five minutes later and it was apparent to Nick how annoyed Casey was with him as they left. Sarah and Nick spent a good half hour doing dishes, before retreating to their room. All around it had been a good night, but Nick couldn't seem to get the haunting image of Casey's depressed eyes out of his mind.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?" Nick asked as he rolled over in bed to face Sarah, who looked worried.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, baby," he smiled, in an attempt to reassure her, but when he saw the suspicious look in her eye he knew it hadn't worked. "Nothing's wrong... I promise."

Sarah squinted at him, trying to read him better, but there was something in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a while. Worry. "What was up with those weird looks you were giving J. R.  when they were leaving?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You were lookin' at him funny. There something I should know about he and Case?"

"No, baby," Nick lied. "Everything's fine. I promise."

Freddy/Brittany

Freddy looked across the car and watched Brittany maneuvering the large SUV through traffic. Having such a large vehicle always made him nervous when Brittany was driving, but Brittany seemed to know what she was doing... at least, that's what she said. It was routine to them by now. After games that Freddy pitched in, Brittany would drive them home so he could ice his arm to prevent his muscles from tightening. But it was moments like these when he wished he'd purchased a small car.

"Brittany, you saw that guy, right?" Freddy asked as he gripped the seat with his fingers. "You just cut that guy off."

"Freddy, I saw him," Brittany laughed, rolling her eyes. "Sometimes if you don't just go, when driving in the city, you'll never be able to switch lanes. If you don't like it, you drive... but don't come whining to me when your arm tightens up."

Freddy glared at her. "I'm gonna come whining to you when you total my car." He glanced out the window with a sigh. He was tired and his back was sore. Sometime during the eighth inning he'd tweaked a muscle. It wasn't that big of a deal; he'd go and see his trainer the next day.

"You okay, Fred?" Brittany asked when she noticed he was rolling his shoulders and head back and forth. "Hurt something tonight?"

"Just sore."

Brittany nodded and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the salsa music that was playing quietly across their radio. She slid her right hand from the wheel over to his lap, reaching for his hand. They stayed silent the rest of the way home, holding hands and thinking about each other.

Brittany awoke in the middle of the night with a start. Sweat trickled down her back and she wiped at her face, leaving her hand damp. With a groan she laid back down, trying to fall asleep again, but it just wasn't working. She'd been having a lot of disturbing and vivid dreams lately about things like smothering her baby or drowning him while the baby was being bathed. She hadn't mentioned it to Freddy because it had freaked her out so much and she'd been afraid he would worry about what kind of a mother she was going to be, but she'd mentioned it to her doctor during a prenatal visit and she'd assured her that such dreams were normal during pregnancy. Well, it didn't feel normal.

Sitting up again, Brittany ran her fingers through her damp hair and groaned. She slid out of bed and padded out of the room and into the hallway, walking quietly to Freddy's bedroom.

"Are you okay?" Freddy mumbled, only half-awake as he felt someone slide into bed next to him. He saw Brittany's blonde hair poking out from beneath the covers and sighed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up higher. It always irked him how every time she had a bad dream she'd slink underneath the covers like she felt she needed to hide away from the world. He couldn't help but wonder if it was something she'd always done. "Ritt, what's wrong?"

"Bad dream," Brittany murmured against his chest, content with the fact that his strong arms were wrapped securely around her body.

It was then that Brittany realized she was shaking. Why was she so scared all of a sudden? She was only four months along... she didn't think the panic would settle in until closer to the baby's due date. But she'd slowly begun to realize that the delivery of their son wasn't the only thing to be frightful of... she still had a baby to take care of afterward. And possibly alone? She and Freddy still hadn't discussed living arrangements for once the baby was born.

"What was it about?" Freddy spoke gently, his fingers running lazily through her hair. He could feel her body trembling and her heart pounding against his chest and he knew that whatever she'd been dreaming of lately was something that was seriously getting to her. "What's going on with you lately?"

"Nothing, Freddy. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal? You've crawled into bed with me for the last week, shaking because of one nightmare or another. Why won't you tell me what they're about? I want you to talk to me."

He was speaking in Spanish. For some reason he did that a lot at night. Brittany closed her eyes and ran her fingers listlessly across his warm chest. Sometimes she wished she could just melt into him. She wanted to get as close to him as possible... even making love wasn't close enough.

"I don't want to bother you with silly things, Fred," Brittany looked up at him and smiled gently, moving her fingers to his face. "You've been worrying about your career... you don't need to hear about some stupid nightmares."

"I do if they're bothering you. Just tell me. If they're not a big deal, then there should be no problem telling me."

Freddy watched as tears pooled in Brittany's eyes. He reached out to wipe them away and smiled gently when she turned her head to kiss the palm of his hand.

"I love our baby; you know that, right, Freddy?"

Freddy quirked his eyebrows in worry. Where had that come from?

"Yeah, of course, Ritt. What's goin' on?"

"Nothing, it's just... I keep having dreams that I kill our baby," Brittany paused, trying to read his reaction, but was almost more afraid by the fact that she didn't get one, "like by smothering him, or drowning him while giving him a bath."

"Oh."

Brittany sighed and looked away. "I can't control my dreams, Fred. Look, once when I was sixteen I had a dream that a girl was going down on me-" she stopped talking, not quite believing she'd just told him that, but the amusement on his face made her smile. "Anyway... it freaked me out. I'm like so beyond straight it's amazing. I freaked out and then someone knocked some sense into me... I can't control my dreams. I'm sure I'd dreamt that because of like seeing something on TV where girls were dancing provocatively with each other or something stupid. But Fred, this is different, you know? Having a girl go down on you... as sick as I think that is... and killing your own baby? That's way different. But I talked to my doctor about it."

"And...?"

"And she said it's normal during pregnancy... to have dreams like that. Has something to do with second thoughts about having a baby. She said even women who wanted one very much have second thoughts."

"You're having second thoughts?"

"Well... no... I don't think so," Brittany shrugged. "It's just... a feeling of ambivalence. You know, every mother, at one point and time, begins to feel like maybe she won't be good enough. I guess now is my point and time... and my feelings are being expressed through dreams. Still freaks me out." They lay quietly for a minute and Brittany noticed Freddy had pulled her closer. "I'm sorry if I scared you or something. I'm not going to kill our son."

"I know," Freddy laughed with a shake of his head. "I don't think you will. I just hope these dreams stop soon... you need your sleep. If it's any consolation, you're going to be an excellent mother."

Brittany smiled up at him and her eyes twinkled with fresh tears. He was so good to her. She never wanted to leave his presence ever, ever again. And that brought her thoughts to a whole other topic. She felt like she was battling with her mind over everything... to talk with Freddy, or not to talk with Freddy.

Go for it, Brittany, she thought to herself as she looked up into his brown eyes. You didn't want to talk to him about the dreams, but you did, and look how much better he made you feel.

Brittany took a deep breath. "Freddy?" It was then she noticed his eyes fluttering shut.

"Yeah, baby?" Freddy murmured, trying desperately to keep his eyes open, but sleep was quickly claiming him.

"Nothing," Brittany sighed, unable to stop her smile. "Go back to sleep, honey. Goodnight."

Brittany fell asleep to the sound of his rhythmic breathing... and had peaceful dreams for the rest of the night.