Love Menagerie:

Chapter 23: Through My Fingers

Sarah/Brittany

"Sarah, are you sure you're okay? You're really distracted lately."

"I'm fine, Brittany May; I'm fine."

Brittany sighed and leaned against the railing on Freddy's back porch. Something was bothering Sarah and no matter how much she denied it, Brittany knew it was true. "Sarah, how long have we been friends? Like, since before we can even remember, right? We've done everything together, Sar. You're like my sister. You know I can tell when something's upsetting you, and you know you can tell me anything."

"I dunno, Ritt," Sarah sighed. "Things have changed."

Brittany's face fell. "Oh." Well, she hadn't been expecting that one. She knew she hadn't seen or talked to Sarah much over the last couple of months, but she'd expected Sarah to still consider them best friends. "Sar, I know I haven't been around much lately and I've sort of neglected our friendship, but I've kinda' been thrown some unexpected turns in my life. You know, I didn't plan on getting pregnant... with Freddy Garcia's baby, no less. I'm dealing with all of this the best way I can and the best way I can is living here in Seattle with Freddy right now."

Sarah took a deep breath and watched Nick sitting at the table in the informal dining room. Well, if she was going to talk to Brittany about what was on her mind, she'd have to leave the kitchen. "I know, Britt," she stood from the stool she'd been perched on and walked quietly from the room, feeling Nick's eyes on her back. "And I know you're stressed out. I'm sorry for what I said. You're still my best friend and my sister."

"Then tell me what's goin' on, hon. Did something happen between you and Nick?"

"Well, not exactly." Sarah sighed and closed her bedroom door behind her. She took a seat on the bed, her eyes darting around the room. She was nervous to finally voice the concerns she'd been having. "But... I think he's cheating on me."

Brittany's eyes widened. If it was true, she'd kill Nick. She'd sworn that from the start and Nick knew it. "What?! But... why?! Why would he do that... why do you think that??"

"I introduced him to my friend, Casey, from school. We had her and her boyfriend over for dinner one night and I asked Nick to take Case downstairs to his studio and show her his artwork, 'cause she's into sketching and painting and all that. They were down there for a while and I got a weird feeling when Casey and J. R. were leaving. Nick kept giving him funny looks. I asked him about it when we were going to sleep and he said it was nothing. But every time we're with them, Ritt, Casey and Nick go off to talk in private. I would trust him more if he'd only tell me what in hell they talk about all the d*mn time, but he's so secretive!"

"Well, what about Casey? Does she act weird?"

"Kind of."

Brittany sighed. She was suddenly remembering why she'd hated Nick so much at one point in time. "Sar, you need to tell him what you're thinking."

"I know... but I'm scared."

Nick/Sarah

Sarah walked slowly down the staircase, stepping into the kitchen on quiet feet. She watched Nick, still sitting where she'd left him, still doing what she'd left him doing... completely oblivious to the world around him. Sometimes she thought the earth could be crumbling beneath Nick's feet and if he were writing lyrics he'd never even bother to look up from his song.

Sarah sighed silently, wishing she had something in her life to be passionate about. She enjoyed singing, but she was dating a singer... and that had sort of ruined the joy of singing for her. She liked to dance... but her boyfriend did that, too. Maybe she'd try writing stories. Fan fiction! She could write fiction about AJ... or Brian... possibly even Howie? She tried to keep herself from laughing, but it didn't work very well.

Nick looked up from the paper in front of him and smiled at his girlfriend. He loved her laugh. He didn't think he'd ever be able to hear enough of her laugh... see enough of her smile... smell enough of her hair...

"Hey, how long have you been there?" Nick reclined back in his chair and plopped his feet up on the one next to him. "How're Britt and Freddy?"

"They're fine."

Sarah sighed and sat down across from him, her eyes darting around the kitchen, indicating to Nick that she was nervous. What did she have to be nervous about? Nick looked at her with a strange expression on his face, and tossed the pen he'd been holding onto the table.

"What's going on? Something wrong?"

Sarah watched him lean forward, looking at her intently for the first time in weeks. Four weeks ago she'd introduced him to her friend... and for four weeks she'd gotten the distinct feeling that he was distancing himself from her, avoiding her even... definitely avoiding making eye contact. What in hell was wrong with him?

"Yeah, actually... something is wrong," she sighed and looked down at her hands resting on the surface of the table. "I think there're some things that you need to explain to me, Nick."

"Oh?" Nick's eyebrows rose. This was the moment. She was finally fed up with his behavior. She was going to ask him what was wrong with Casey. "What's that?"

"Nick, when I took you back I told you that if you hurt me one more time, it was over. Well, you're hurting me," Sarah's voice shook and she broke the eye contact she'd made with him. It was too painful to look into his eyes. "You've hardly even talked to me in the past four weeks. What is going on, Nick? I introduce you to Casey and suddenly it's like I don't even matter anymore!"

Nick knew she had more to say, but he had to cut in. There was no way he was going to let her say things like that. How dare she? "Excuse me? What are you trying to say, Sarah?"

"You're seeing her... behind my back... aren't you? The least you could do is break up with me first, Nick!"

"What?! How can you say that? I would never cheat on you!"

"Well, you've seen two girls at one time before, haven't you? I mean, you were off f*cking me, while your girlfriend sat at home, weren't you, Nick? I mean, they always say 'once a cheater, always a cheater'... so why the hell wouldn't I think you're doing it again, Nick?"

"Maybe because you trust me? Maybe because you love me?"

Sarah looked away. He'd gotten her there. "Maybe... maybe I don't trust you," she whispered as tears fell from her eyes. And the realization that she didn't scared her half to death.

Nick closed his eyes, feeling like she'd just punched him... stabbed him... maybe even shot him. It hurt like hell; he knew that much. "Well, do you love me, Sarah?"

"Of course," Sarah sighed and turned to look at him again, her eyes meeting his. She loved him with everything in her... and she wanted him to know that... without actually having to tell him. This was quite possibly the end of them... it would hurt too much to tell him how much she loved him and then watch him walk out of her life.

"Then believe me, and trust me, and have faith in me when I tell you that I would never cheat on you."

His voice was firm and believable... but that didn't answer the initial question: what is going on? Even if he wasn't cheating on her, there was still something distracting him.

"Fine, Nick." Sarah grabbed his hands and held them between her own. "I believe you. But tell me what you're keeping from me... 'cause I know that there's something, Nick. What is it?"

Nick groaned inwardly. Casey had made him promise not to tell Sarah about what was going on with J. R. He hadn't really understood why he couldn't share the information with Sarah, but he'd promised nonetheless, and Nick was not one to go back on his word. Now, he was afraid that if he told Sarah, Casey would find out and end the friendship between she and Sarah. Nick knew how lonely Sarah had been since Brittany had been gone... he didn't want to ruin Sarah and Casey's relationship. Although it appeared he was doing that anyway. Great.

"Sar, I can't tell you. Casey made me promise not to tell you... I just can't go back on that."

Sarah laughed. Really, really laughed. In fact, in a matter of minutes she was laughing hysterically. Nick looked at her worriedly as she released his hands and wiped the water streaming down from her face. Abruptly, her laughter stopped. Sarah looked up at Nick with a fury he hadn't seen since he'd showed up at Brittany's house all those months ago, wanting her back.

"I can't believe you."

"Sarah."

"No, Nick. Just shut up!"

Nick's eyes widened.

"Just... shut... up! That's real sweet of you, Nicky poo... you know, keeping your word and all. Putting Casey and the little secret that the two of you share before our relationship! Relationships don't work with secrets like these hidden in the wings. Go. Just get out."

"What?!"

"Get out, Nick. Go home."

"Sarah-"

"In fact, go upstairs and pack your things... leave, Nick."

"But Sar-"

"Get... out!"

Nick stood from his seat, his chest heaving, his eyes blurry. "Sarah, you're being really irrational-"

"Leave, d*mmit! Just go!"

Through tear-filled eyes, Sarah watched him run up the stairs and out of sight. Minutes later, the front door slammed behind him. And as her temper slowly cooled, she knew she'd just ruined everything... she'd kicked him out of the house, out of her life... but the hardest part would be getting him out of her heart.

Freddy/Nick

Freddy sighed as he picked up the incessantly ringing telephone. So far it was turning out to be a long, stressful day. It was raining... not that big of a shock for Seattleites... but Freddy was from Venezuela, for Heaven's sake; it was hot there and he liked it that way. Plus, he and Brittany hadn't talked all day. When he'd woken up Brittany was no longer sleeping next to him, and in her place was a note saying she'd gone shopping with Mariners' pitcher Jamie Moyer's wife, Karen... and she hadn't called to check in all day. Freddy didn't know why it was bothering him, but it was.

"Hello?"

"Is this Freddy?"

"Yep."

"It's Nick."

Freddy's eyebrows rose. Interesting. "Oh, hey, man. What's up?"

"Actually, a lot. I don't mean to like be rude or anything, but is Brittany there?"

"No, she went shopping with a friend. Something wrong? It's not often you call to chat with Brittany."

"Yeah," Nick laughed lightly.

He hoped he hadn't made Freddy jealous. That's all he needed... a 6'4", 235 pounder--who had more muscles in his arms, legs, whatever, than Nick had ever had--coming after him. Okay, it was only Freddy. As Brittany always said... he's just a big ol' teddy bear. Not like Nick really needed to think of Freddy as a teddy bear.

Nick sighed and decided to just be honest with the guy. They were sort of friends, anyway. "Actually, something is wrong."

"Yeah?" Freddy looked around the room. Was he ready to let Nick spill his guts? Sure, why not? Maybe they could help each other out somehow. "What happened?"

"Sarah kicked me out."

"What??" Freddy tried not to laugh. Sarah kicked him out of Brittany's house? It was actually quite comical... if you weren't Nick, at least. "Ummm... why?"

Nick groaned and looked around his house. It was kind of a relief to be back at home again... and really kind of not. Not much at all, actually. "She thought I was cheating on her with her friend. And then I told her that I wasn't and she said she believed me, but she asked what I was keeping from her..." He stopped talking. Why would Freddy want to hear any of this, anyway? This was ridiculous. "It's a long story."

"Look, Nick. I'm all up for long stories, if you want to spill to someone. I mean, Brittany ditched me today for the luxuries of the mall down the street. Knowing Brittany and Karen and their shopping habits? I've got all the time in the world."

"I know, I just..." Nick sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Gosh, I gotta get out of here."

Nick had mumbled it more to himself than to Freddy, but Freddy had heard nonetheless and an idea suddenly came to mind.

"Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah."

"If you want, you can come stay here for a while. I mean, I know you're probably busy and all and you've got work to do... but the door's open here, man. You know, just for you to sort of get away and clear your head."

"Actually... I probably could use a nice, little vacation. And it's not like I can't do some of my work over there."

"Yeah, of course you can. You're Nick Carter... 'pop god.'"

"Shut up."

Freddy tried not to laugh. "Okay."

"But... are you sure Brittany's gonna be okay with it?" Nick was suddenly worried. He knew how much trouble he was going to be in with that girl. She'd hated him once before, and when she found out what had happened between he and Sarah, she'd hate him once again.

Freddy's eyes widened. Whoops... he'd forgotten about that. "Yeah... um... she'll be fine with it!"

Freddy/Brittany

"You did what?!"

Freddy looked at the woman in front of him and bit his lip. The wrath of Brittany was just not a pretty one. "I, um... well, I..."

"I know what you did! But why? Freddy... gosh... he's hurting Sarah all over again... Sarah is my best friend and you're going to let the moronic f*cking imbisol stay here with us for a while? Are you crazy?!"

"No? Yes? Maybe? I don't know! Look, all I know is that the guy is hurting just as much as Sarah. And I know for a fact that Sarah can be a little b*tch and you know that, too. Don't try and deny the fact that she, too, had fault in their little break up or whatever it is. It takes two to fight."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing!" Freddy sighed and stood up, about to leave the room. He turned around at the bedroom door. "This is my house... and he's coming to stay here... and that's that."

Brittany's mouth almost dropped to the floor. She'd never tell him--never, ever admit it--but she'd never been so turned on in her life. For once, Freddy had put his foot down, he'd closed the conversation to further discussion, and he'd told her exactly how it was going to be. Brittany had always thought that when that moment came, she'd be livid... she'd never expected to be aroused by it. She found him sitting on the back porch an hour later and was glad to see that he no longer looked tense and angry... but instead calm and relaxed.

"Freddy, honey, you're gonna catch a cold out here," Brittany said as she walked out onto the porch and quickly ran her hands over her arms. "It's freezing."

Freddy looked at her as she took the seat next to him. "Well, what are you doin' out here then?"

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry. You're right... it's your house. If you want Nick to stay here, then I'll just shut my mouth and go along with it."

"Thank you." Freddy reached over and took her hand in his. "So what did you buy today?"

"Actually, I found some really cute maternity clothes... which I didn't think was possible. But Karen knew otherwise."

"Well, she only has like fifty kids."

"Right, Fred." Brittany smiled at his exaggeration. "Fifty."

A few silent minutes passed as they sat on the porch, watching the fall of a light, steady rain. Suddenly Freddy stood from his chair and leaned down, kissing Brittany's lips gently.

"I'm gonna go make dinner."

Brittany watched him walk back into the house silently. She took a deep breath. Thanks, Freddy. A lot. With a groan, she looked back out at the falling rain.