I wanna wake up where you are I won't say anything at all So why don't you slide Yeah we're gonna let is slide...
...Don't suppose I'll ever know What it means to be a man Something I can't change I'll live around it
I wanna wake up where you are I won't say anything at all So why don't you slide Mmmmm slide
And I'll do anything you ever Dreamed to be complete Little pieces of the nothing that fall Oh May put your arms around me What you feel is what you are And what you are is beautiful Oh May do you wanna get married Or run away
And I'll do anything you ever Dreamed to be complete Little pieces of the nothing that fall May put your arms around me What you feel is what you are And what you are is beautiful Oh May do you wanna get married Or run away
I wanna wake up where you are I won't say anything at all Yeah slide
And I'll do anything you ever Dreamed to be complete Little pieces of the nothing that fall And I'll do anything you ever Dreamed to be complete Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh Oh Oh slide (Just slide between the sheets of all the beds you never knew) Yeah slide Why don't you slide into my room Just slide into my room Oh, we'll run away, run away, run away
-Slide; Goo Goo Dolls (CD: Dizzy Up The Girl)
Leah awoke the next morning with a start. She let out a groan, feeling as though she'd been asleep for years.
Aspirin; I need Aspirin.
Stumbling into the bathroom, Leah had to fight back a scream as she caught sight of herself in the mirror. What in the world had happened to her?? She looked like she'd been hit by a truck ... ten times. There was dried blood caked on the side of her face, her hair was stringy and oily with her own blood and sweat, her eyes were bloodshot, and her naked body was sticky with hers and Nick's perspiration.
I look like a dead woman walking, Leah thought as she began to gently wipe the cut on her face with a soft, damp washcloth.
Leah jumped as she saw Nick suddenly appear behind her through the mirror, not looking much better than she did. Nick, now dressed in boxers and a T-shirt, watched her from where he stood, though neither of them spoke.
What is he thinking?
Moments passed and five minutes later Leah realized that she was wiping up dried blood that was no longer there. With a sigh, she made her way to the shower and turned it on, wondering if Nick was ever going to move. He finally did, just as Leah was about to step into the shower stall.
Nick silently walked to her and wrapped his arms around her naked form. With all the pain that they'd put each other through, it was amazing how much love and affection they still felt for one another.
Nick smiled as he looked at Leah sitting across from him. She was wordlessly picking at her food, not eating or speaking, making it apparent to Nick that she had something on her mind.
It had been a month since Leah had returned from Seattle. Since then, the two of them had been virtually inseparable and from what Nick knew Leah was no longer taking her medications, though he rarely asked about it.
"Something on your mind, babe?" Nick looked at her with a jokingly scrutinizing expression. "You're awwww-fully quiet this morning."
Leah couldn't help but laugh at Nick's strange antics. When silence once again fell upon them, she knew he wasn't going to give up: he wanted to know what she was thinking and, knowing Nick, wouldn't give up until he did.
"Lee," now came his threatening tone. Scary coming from a blonde, teddy bear-like Backstreet Boy.
All right, all right, you big baby.
"Nick," Leah sighed and grabbed his hand, "I love you; you know that, right?"
"'Course," Nick grinned. "You show me a lot ... and I do mean A LOT!"
Leah rolled her eyes and groaned, "You're disgusting. Anyway! I love you; you love me, 'cause let's face it, you show me too. But I've been living with you for what feels like forever; maybe only a year, but it feels like forever. And d*mn it, Nick, I want to get married."
"What?!"
"Let's get married!"
"Lee, a month ago you were running off to the other side of the country to find an old boyfriend and now you want to just up and marry me??"
Leah looked at him as though he'd just grown another head, "That's a strange way to think of it."
"Why?" Nick laughed, completely confused. "That's the only way to think of it. Lee, I love you, okay? But now's not the time. We're not stable in the slightest. You're not totally over your depression. Every now and then you burst into tears when you can't find a pair of shoes to wear."
Leah sighed, "I just feel like something needs to change. Maybe I'm just not ready to face the fact that that 'something' just may be me."
At least she's beginning to realize it, Nick thought as he stood and offered the love of his life a gentle smile and a kiss, before grabbing their plates and taking them into the kitchen to clean up.
~ * ~
Nick rested his head against the back of his couch with a sigh. Brian looked over at him with a playfully cheeky grin. He'd agreed to come over and play some basketball with Nick for the afternoon, while Leah and Leighanne went shopping at the local mall.
"What's on your mind, Nick?" Brian looked at him with a smirk. The fact that they had yet to make their way outside to the basketball court told Brian that Nick just wasn't exactly feeling like himself.
"Huh?" Nick's head perked up when he heard his friend's voice somewhere in the distance.
Gosh, my head is clouded today.
"Sorry; did you say something?" Nick asked with a sheepish grin.
Brian laughed and headed toward Nick's kitchen, hoping Nick would follow, as he called over his shoulder, "What's going on with you today, man? You're not acting very..."
"Sociable?" Nick offered, coming into the kitchen with a smartass smile on his face.
"Um," Brian looked at Nick, feigning hurt, "thaaaaanks. Should I be feeling insulted right now? Because I am."
Nick laughed and helped himself to one of the Coke's Brian had just taken out of the refrigerator. "Sorry, man. I was only kidding. But actually, I don't know ... Leah mentioned something really kind of funny to me this morning at breakfast."
"Oh yeah?" Brian's eyebrows rose with curiosity and he suddenly felt as though he were a gossiping schoolgirl. He cleared his throat in an act of machoism. "What'd she say?"
"She said she wanted us to get married," Nick replied, refusing to look up from his pop can. He knew what was coming. Brian may not have been Kevin, but Brian knew how to lecture too and Nick didn't really feel like hearing it.
"Nick..." Brian started, shaking his head back and forth gently.
"Bri, don't worry, okay?" Nick spoke, almost sounding cynical. "I told her now wasn't the time."
"Then why are you sound so upset about it, if even you realize it?"
Nick sighed and glanced out the kitchen window, silently wishing they were playing basketball instead of having this discussion. "Because, Bri ... I WANT to marry her; I love her; I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I mean, I'm 24 -- I've been ready to get married for a while now; to Leah, at least. But she's only 19 and I don't think she's as ready as she seems to think she is. Maybe she's talking herself into being with me."
"Nick, she loves you; you do know that ... right?"
"'Course. But love isn't always enough. She knows it too."
Brian nodded and set his pop can down, his eyes looking directly at Nick, "A marriage certificate isn't going to change that."
"And that's what I know."
~ * ~
Leah smiled as she and Leighanne made their way into hers and Nick's home. She'd had a wonderful day. A day out shopping with a friend was just what the doctor had ordered. Bye-bye, pills; hello, life.
"Nicky; Bri??" Leah called out as the two girls walked through the house, setting their shopping bags down as they went.
"We're in here," Brian called from the kitchen.
"Hey, boys!" Leighanne grinned as she and Leah made their way in to greet them. "How was the game?"
"Didn't play," Brian explained simply with a shrug of his shoulders.
"What?" Leah laughed. "What have you guys been doing?"
"Talking," Brian and Nick answered at the same time.
Leah looked at Nick with a strange expression and Nick merely sent a soft smile her way.
"C'mmon, Leigh," Brian jumped from the counter, where he'd been sitting. "Let's get out of their hair."
~ * ~
"Nicky?" Leah looked at Nick standing there in the kitchen, as they heard the door shut behind Brian and Leighanne. "What were you two talking about that was so important? You're not one to pass up a day of basketball to talk."
Nick laughed before taking a deep breath and walking over to his girlfriend. He placed his arms around her waist and smiled down at her. "We'll get married, okay?"
Leah's eyes widened and for a minute she didn't know what to say ... finally managing to croak, "What?"
"Not now. Let's face it, Lee, we're not ready as a couple yet. But eventually ... we'll get married, yeah?"
A slow smile spread across Leah's beautiful face. "Yeah," she whispered, now grinning like a fool. "Yeah. We'll get married."
Nick nodded and kept silent, seizing the moment and leaning down to kiss his ... girlfriend? fiance? Oh boy. Why did everything always seem to be so complicated when it came to the two of them? And yet, Nick couldn't help but grin.
It doesn't matter, Nick thought as he kissed her again. I love her ... and she loves me. And for us, love is enough.
