Note: This story states something, that has to do with rape, that I in NO WAY honestly believe. Repeat: in NO WAY at ALL do I think that those who have been raped are to blame. This is a fictional story - and in this FICTIONAL story, Nick's thoughts and good judgement are a little shot.
Sometimes is never quite enough If you're flawless, then you'll win my love Don't forget to win first place Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good girl Try a little harder You've got to measure up And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up How many times do I have to tell you - To hurry up With everything I do for you The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl You've gotta try a little harder That simply wasn't good enough To make me proud
I'll live through you I'll make you what I never was If you're the best, then maybe so am I Compared to him, compared to her I'm doing this for your own d*mn good You'll make up for what I blew What's the problem... why are you crying
Be a good girl Push a little farther now That wasn't fast enough To make me happy
I'll love you, just the way you are If you're perfect
-Perfect, by Alanis Morissette (CD: Jagged Little Pill) Note: I changed some of the words, for the sake of the story :) "boy" to "girl", twice "us" to "me", twice "we'll" to "I'll" once
Maddy, or Madeline, as nobody seemed to call her, knelt down in front of the bed, in the dark hotel room. She folded her hands together, her elbows resting on the scratchy bed cover. She knew it seemed childish... to kneel by the bed, while praying... but at times she needed to be as a child in order to pray. She needed to feel as if she were the little girl that she was many years ago, kneeling at the alter in church, her pink Sunday dress, ruffling around her. Sometimes if she thought of herself as that little girl... that little girl that she used to be... she escaped. But only for a moment.
~ * ~
Nick stood in the right, back wing of the stage, his arms folded, a scowl on his face. He was waiting to go and perform. He was waiting for his escape. Unfortunately his escapes only lasted for a mere two, or so, hours.
He hadn't been the same since he'd come home from that tour, two years ago, to find a dinner fried to black charcoal, on the stove; a letter from Maddy on the floor in his bedroom; and the scent of Ashley on his pillows.
He hadn't talked to Ashley since then... he knew what he'd done was a big mistake. He hated himself for it. But what was he supposed to do about that now? He wasn't worthy of Ashley... he couldn't go and grovel at her feet.
But that was just it! That's what had made him make his decision in the first place! He hadn't been worthy of Ashley. Sure, he was famous - every 12 year old wanted him. But he was always insecure... did Ashley want him? She was dating him... so she had to, right? But then he'd think: how could she? She was so beautiful, so successful. Sure, he was told he was hot... and yeah, he was successful too, but he couldn't even explain why he felt so inadequate compared to Ashley.
So he'd gone for something... for someone... who wasn't worthy of HIM. In his own sick way of thinking, he thought that maybe if he found somebody unclean - impure - he'd be better than her, and he wouldn't feel so horrible about himself.
But it'd backfired on him... he didn't find anything in her than he had found in Ashley. But wait, wasn't that what his goal had been in the first place?? He didn't know anymore! All he knew was that she didn't make him happy... she made him miserable, because she never lived up to what Ashley had been to him. She never lived up to Ashley. She wasn't Ashley.
In his own sick way of thinking, he thought that maybe if he found somebody unclean - impure - he'd be better than her, and he wouldn't feel so horrible about himself.
So he'd gone after a girl who had been raped. He'd gone after Maddy.
Part 2...
"Can't you ever do anything right?!" Nick screamed at Maddy, that night. He'd been yelling at her for so long he'd forgotten why he'd started in the first place. But, argh! She was so infuriating! Either she was stupid, or she just acted stupid.
"Nick, I'm sorry!" Maddy yelped, tears coursing down her ashen cheeks. Nick had never hit her before, but every time he yelled at her she flinched. She was so horribly scared of him. When they'd first begun to go out, when Nick was still with Ashley (though Maddy had never known of her), Nick wasn't like this. He was so kind and caring with her. He actually seemed to care... maybe even to love her. It had taken Maddy such a long time to trust Nick - maybe that's why he hated her now... she screwed everything up - but once she finally gave him her trust, he merely threw it back in her face, as if she'd never meant a thing to him in the first place. He seemed to hate her now. "I'm sorry, Nick. I really am," she sobbed, sitting down on the floor, her face buried in her hands as she rocked herself back and forth.
"Get up and stop crying!"
~ * ~
"Nick, I don't know what your f*cking problem is! But if you don't stop treating Maddy this way, you're gonna get into a lot of sh*t! If the press got ahold of how you treat your girlfriend... and it's very possible they could, since you yell at her so freaking loud in hotels... you're gonna be a dead man!"
"Brian, shut up! I don't need your input..." Nick rolled his eyes, taking a swig of his soda. What WAS wrong with him?? What had happen to him? Ashley couldn't possibly have had such an impact on him when she'd left him, could she have?
"Nick, I think you need help..." Brian's voice was low and quiet, as he looked down at the ground. He hadn't wanted to say it. But it was clear that ever since Ashley had left Nick, Nick hadn't been the same. It was VERY clear.
Nick wanted to scream out that yes, he did need help. He wanted to tell Brian that he couldn't go through life like this any longer. He wanted to tell him that he needed somebody to talk to... that he needed to see Ashley again... that he needed HER.
Say it Nick, he thought to himself. Tell him you need help!!
But as quickly as the thought had come... it had vanished.
"F*ck off, Bri..." Nick left the room, slamming the door behind him.
