I thought about Leaving - but I couldn't even get outta bed I'm hangin' 'cause I couldn't get a ride outta town Now anyone who really wanted me to be down Come 'round
I thought about Singin' but I couldn't remember all of the words Breakin' but I couldn't get the pieces apart Laughin' never knowin' what the joke was about Now I'm down
And I wonder how I never got the Burn And if I'm ever gonna learn How lonely people make a life One strain at a time
Forgot about Everything and everyone I needed before Tryin' to get a handle on a reason to shine I'm pickin' up the pieces that are falling behind Takes time
So I wonder how I never got the Burn And if I'm ever gonna learn How lonely people make a life One strain at a time and still shine
And I wonder how I never got the Burn And if I'm ever gonna learn How lonely people make a life
All this time I wondered How I never got the Burn And if I'm ever gonna learn How lonely people make their life One strain at a time And still shine
-The Burn, by Matchbox 20 (CD: Mad Season)
Natalie looked out the window of her old room at her mother's house. The rain was falling hard against the window pane, and she could feel her body shaking gently, even though the house was nicely warmed. Her mother didn't know what was wrong, why she'd left Nick, but she knew right now wasn't the time to ask.
Nat laid down on her bed, wishing things were the way that they used to be with Nick. When he would suddenly hug her for no reason at all, when she'd ask why he was staring at her and he'd merely say that he loved her so much that he couldn't not gaze... when he actually did love her.
She felt her heart break at the thought. Nick really had fallen out of love with her. She'd known it all along, she'd even thought about it before, and dwelt on the thought, but as she sat there - in a house that she felt she no longer belonged in - she realized for the first time how real this part of her life really was... how wrong it was. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. But what could she do about that? Nothing.
Nat buried her head in her pillow and cried.
~ * ~
A few days later Nick finally got his butt out of bed, realizing he needed to change. He needed to do something about his life. He'd screwed it up, he'd hurt his wife, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically... and he needed to make it better, even if he died trying.
Over the next few months Nick got himself into counseling and worked out a bunch of issues that had bothered him about himself, and life, over the years... issues that had boiled up inside of him, because he hadn't dealt with them... issues that he'd taken out on Natalie.
Natalie was gone... he knew that... but in a way, in some weird way, he felt as though she were more with him now than she had been when they were together. Because, in all actuality, they hadn't been together for a long time before she'd left. Nat was his newly found inspiration for life... his inspiration to change... to become a better man... and he had to get her back. He just prayed that she hadn't put him behind her yet.
~ * ~
Waking up alone In a room that still reminds me My heart has got to learn to forget Starting on my own With every breath I'm getting stronger This is not the time for regret
'Cause I don't need to hang on To heartbreak When there's so much of life left to live
Love is on the way On wings of angels I know it's true I feel it coming through Love is on the way Time is turning the pages I don't know when But love will find me again
I am not afraid Of the mystery of tomorrow I have found the faith deep within There's a promise I have made And there's a dream I'm gonna follow There's another chance to begin And it's coming as sure as the heavens I can feel it right here in my heart
Love is on the way On wings of angels I know it's true I feel it coming through Love is on the way Time is turning the pages I don't know when But love will find me again
Oh I know, I know down deep Down in my heart I know that...
Love is on the way On wings of angels I know it's true I feel it coming through Love is on the way Time is turning the pages I don't know when But love will find me again
I don't know when But love will find me again
-Love Is On The Way, by Celine Dion (CD: Let's Talk About Love)
Natalie had moved into her own apartment, trying to put her years with Nick out of her mind, but it hadn't worked. She missed him terribly... well, at least the man that he'd been when she'd met him. She still loved that man, and the more she tried not to she found herself falling in love with the memory of that man even more.
Throwing her hair up into a ponytail, Nat sighed. She was starving and bored, so she grabbed her wallet and stepped out of her apartment building and onto Main Street. She'd go to lunch somewhere and then go to the local mall and do a little shopping. She'd gotten a new job that paid her much more than the one Nick had gotten her fired from. Maybe there were a few things to thank him for. Unknowingly, he'd helped her out.
As she turned the corner that led to her favorite little Italian restaurant, she suddenly felt a strong peace come over her body. She could be happy, outside of the life that she'd led when Nick loved her... she could be happy by herself, and maybe she wouldn't be by herself after all. Maybe there was somebody out there that would love her in a way that Nick no longer did.
She could love again. She was at least willing to try.
Did I ever tell you, how you live in me Every waking moment, even in my dreams And if all this talk is crazy And you don't know what I mean Does it really matter Just as long as I believe
I will love again Though my heart is breaking, I will love again Stronger than before I will love again Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you Heaven only knows, I will love again
People never tell you The way they truly feel I would die for you gladly If I knew it was for real So if all this talk sounds crazy And the words don't come out right Does it really matter If it gets me through this night
I will love again Though my heart is breaking, I will love again Stronger than before I will love again Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you Heaven only knows, I will love again
If I'm true to myself, nobody else Can take the place of you But I've got to move on Tell me what else can I do
I will love again Though my heart is breaking, I will love again Stronger than before I will love again Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you Heaven only knows, I will love again
I will love again One day I know, I will love again You can't stop me from loving again, Breathing again, Feeling again I know one day, I'll love again
-I Will Love Again, by Lara Fabian (CD: self-titled)
