I'm so happy that I can't stop crying I'm laughing through my tears I'm laughing through my tears
Another night finds me alone In my dreams, you still touch me Your picture by my telephone In that smile, you still thrill me
And if I sleep, I sleep here alone In my bed tonight, you still haunt me And if I'm falling, I'm falling like a stone In my nightmares, you still hold me
And after all that we've been through Now I'm wondering if you still blame me If only half of this was true That you believe of me, you still shake me
Dark rain will fall until I see your face I close my eyes, I seem to hear the raindrops saying You won't come back You still touch me
And when I'm sick at heart and low In my prayers, you still heal me When I'm so sure, so sure this isn't so In my complacency, you still shake me
I wonder if you feel the same way as I do And you'd come back You still touch me
Another night finds me alone In my bed tonight, you still haunt me You still hold me, you still touch me, You still touch me, you still touch me
Another night, another night, Another night, another night finds me alone
-You Still Touch Me, by Sting (CD: Mercury Rising)
~ * ~
Nick awoke a month later, his body covered in so much sweat that his clothes were damp. He laid back, burying his face in his hands as he began to cry. He was so sick of the empty feeling inside of him, the way that nothing seemed right... nothing seemed in place... he felt so disoriented. It had been a month since Faith had left, and taken their children with her... he saw Gem and Jewel on the weekends, but that was hardly enough for a father... he needed his children... but most of all he needed his wife. Their divorce hadn't gone through yet, they were still married, but they were well on their way... Faith was well on her way towards freedom, as Nick looked at it. At first he couldn't believe how they'd come to that point - it'd all seemed so fast. But as the weeks went by, he'd begun to see that he'd neglected his duties as a husband... he was so into being a father, that he'd managed to leave his wife behind somewhere over the years.
Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, Nick stood on shaky legs and walked into the bathroom to get a shower. He knew he needed to start the day, and get off to the studio to record with the Backstreet Boys... but lately, normal day-to-day tasks such as that were becoming more and more difficult for him to manage.
~ * ~
Faith glanced at her daughters who sat in the back-seat, gazing out the window. They were stuck in traffic, on their way to meet Nick at McDonald's, so they could spend the weekend with him. "You two okay?"
Gem nodded, looking up towards her mother, "Yeah..."
"You excited to see your father?"
The two girls nodded, but stayed silent.
"What's going on?" Faith looked concerned, as she turned the radio off and moved over to the carpool lane, which was moving a little faster then the others.
"Nothing, mama," Gem assured her, but then continued, "It's just that... we miss dad, but when we're with dad, we miss you."
Faith felt her heart break and she sighed, "I know... I'm sorry."
~ * ~
Nick watched as Faith's car pulled into the parking lot. He took a deep breath and jumped from his Durango, heading over to her parking space. "Hey," he said awkwardly, as she stepped from her car.
"Hi, Nick," Faith turned and opened the back door to let their daughters out. "C'mmon, girls..."
Nick took Jewel into his arms and kissed the top of her head, before bending over and hugging and kissing Gem. "You guys ready to go?"
They nodded, before kissing their mother good-bye.
"So we'll meet back here Sunday at 5?" Nick sighed, sick of having to have a meeting place. He didn't understand why they couldn't just be brought to his house, and why he couldn't drop them back off at Faith's.
Faith nodded and watched him with their kids intently, before breaking her gaze, "Yeah, five... I'll see you guys then," she gave her kids one more hug and kiss, before walking away and getting into her car. She hated this part... hated having to leave them, but she wanted Nick to see his kids... she just wished she was still a part of that.
~ * ~
Nick watched Faith walk away, with a heavy heart. It was always so awkward... the good-byes. She'd kiss their children and then it was almost as though it seemed the natural thing to do was kiss each other... that's how it had been for years, and suddenly that was inappropriate. It was... weird, to say the least. He almost felt like asking if she wanted to eat dinner with them, but he thought twice about it, and by the time that he'd analyzed the situation to death she was already gone.
"Daddy, I'm hungry," Gem tugged on his T-shirt.
Nick broke from his daze and looked down at his daughter sheepishly, "Sorry, baby... C'mmon, let's go eat, you two."
He sighed... suddenly it was just the three of them... when he knew, deep in his heart, it was almost meant to be four.
