...Where will you go after me? Where will you go after I set you free?...
-Ready For A Fall, by PJ Harvey (CD: Dawson's Creek soundtrack)
While Kindlin finished packing up her stuff, Nick went into Alex's bedroom to wake him up and get him dressed and ready to go with Kin for the night.
"Hey, big boy," Nick smiled down at him as Alex's eyes fluttered open, sleepily. "Guess who's here??"
Alex reached his arms up in the air, wanting to be picked up and Nick leaned down, gently picking him up and cradling him against his chest as he slowly awoke from sleepiness. "Your momma's here. Remember I told you last night that mommy's gonna come and visit you?"
Alex lifted his head off of Nick's shoulder and giggled. Nick chuckled at the action and placed a kiss on his forehead. "How 'bout we get you dressed?" He changed his diaper and replaced his pajamas with a pair of little baggy jeans and a t-shirt. Setting Alex down on the floor and handing him some toys to play with, Nick went over to Alex's dresser and packed up a bag with some clothes, diapers, and all the stuff that Kin would need for the night.
~*~ Meanwhile ~*~
Kindlin grunted as she tried to lift a huge box into the back of her car, but was finding it a little difficult.
"Do you need any help, Kindlin?" Sarah asked kindly, coming outside and grabbing the other side of the box to help her stuff it into her car.
"Thanks," Kin said, awkwardly.
Okay, this was too weird. She was married to Nick, and yet Nick's girlfriend was helping her pack up her stuff. And she was nice about it. What was wrong with this picture? Kin suddenly wondered if Sarah knew about the whole situation with her and Nick... she must. Why else would she be dating a married man, without trying to go behind Kindlin's back?
"So... um, how are you and Nick doing?" Kindlin asked as casually as possible.
Sarah looked up from where she knelt, picking up another box. "Oh..." she was a little shocked, but figured it was okay to tell Kindlin - I mean, after all... Kin was merely a fake wife. "We're doing pretty good, I think," a soft smile graced her doll-like face. "I like Nick a lot... he's so sweet and caring and... and he's just wonderful. But... I can't help but think that there's something holding him back." she stood there for a moment in thought, before suddenly looking at Kin again, "Kindlin... can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Kindlin put a box full of photographs of family members and friends into the car. What was she going to do now? It was obvious Sarah had strong feelings for Nick... and Sarah deserved him... not Kindlin - or so Kindlin felt.
"When... When Nick was describing yours and his relationship... he... well..."
"Yes??"
"Well, he described it as best he could and then I said something along the lines of 'So you were basically f*ck-buddies'. Once I'd said the word, his facial expressions changed so much it was scary. He refused to call you guys that. Kindlin... I guess what I'm asking is... are there any feelings between you two?"
Kindlin's face paled and her stomach tightened. What was she supposed to do? She was stuck with a terrible decision. If she told Sarah that she was in love with Nick, Sarah would surely tell Nick, and if she was anything like Kindlin read her as - she'd most likely break up with him. Nick would hate Kindlin for all eternity, for that. Her other option was to lie and say that they had absolutely no feelings, that went beyond friendship, for each other. She chose the latter one...
"No! Oh g*d, no!" Kindlin laughed, awkwardly. This was such an uncomfortable situation. "No... Nick and I... we were f*ck-buddies, to put it bluntly. Well, we weren't even really friends. We... hated each other! We faught like hell! But... we slept together anytime he was in Vancouver, where I used to live."
"Vancouver, Washington... or B.C.? Just outta curiosity."
"B.C."
Sarah nodded. "So why do you think Nick was so appalled at the thought of calling you guys f*ck-buddies... if that's what you were?"
Kindlin's eyes adverted. To be completely honest, she had no idea why he'd been defensive of their relationship. Their 'relationship' wasn't much of a relationship at all! "Uhh... Maybe that term just seemed too... vulgar. Try 'bed-buddies' next time," she joked lightly, before they began to pack the rest of her stuff into her car.
Nick walked outside, with Alex on his hip, to see Kindlin and Sarah packing up her car and chatting. They didn't notice he was there, so he decided to stand there and watch them for a bit. He couldn't hear what they were talking about, but didn't really mind. Looking at the both of them next to each other, he felt weird inside.
He liked Sarah - he liked her a lot. But he loved Kindlin. Sarah and Kindlin were two entirely different people... their personalities, their looks, everything. Sarah's hair, which hung just below her shoulder blades, was blonde and straight as a board; while Kindlin's, on the other hand, was cut a little below her shoulders and was brown and curly. Sarah's eyes were bright blue, while Kindlin's were a pale green. Sarah stood at the height of 5'10", while Kindlin stood at the height of 5'7".
Personality-wise they still differed by quite a lot. Sarah was sweet and gentle and quiet and lady-like... and if you pissed her off, you wouldn't even know it... which isn't always a good thing; while Kindlin was kind, but told you what she thought of you... and if you pissed her off, you would know it. She was not as quiet, and had a sarcastic side to her... but she was everything Nick ever needed or wanted in a woman. The fact that Nick would rather sit and watch Kindlin for hours - just doing what she does... whether she be walking around, cleaning the kitchen, talking on the phone, eating, playing with Alex, hanging with Leigh Anne... or whatever - instead of playing with his Play Station, shocked Brian to no end... but not Nick. He wasn't in the least bit surprised... she caught his attention like no other.
So though Sarah and Kindlin were exact opposites... he knew who he loved, he knew who he wanted, who he longed for... and he knew he couldn't have her. Not in the way he yearned to have her.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Nick decided to rain on Kin and Sarah's 'parade', and as they giggled and laughed up a storm while trying to stuff the last box into Kindlin's full-beyond-belief car, he walked over to them and cleared his throat behind them. The two girls turned around, their giggling expressions still plastered on their faces and once Alex caught sight of his mom, his face immediately lit up and child-like squeals escaped his lips.
"Baby!!!!" Kindlin shrieked, lovingly, throwing her arms out and taking Alex in them once Nick handed him to her.
Alex giggled uncontrollably as Kin dipped him backwards in her arms and made little faces at him while he was upside down.
Nick watched the two of them interacting and had forgotten Sarah was there until she was standing by his side, taking his hand in hers. He looked down at her and smiled a genuine smile, while squeezing her hand gently. Sarah smiled back at him before turning back to watching Kin and Alex.
Kindlin laughed lightly as she brought Alex back up, not wanting too much blood to rush to his precious little head. "You ready to go see uncle Brian and aunty Leigh Anne??" she smoothed his hair away from his face and placed a kiss on his forehead.
Alex nodded with another giggle.
Kin turned to Nick and smiled, "Thanks, Nick. I'll bring him back tomorrow morning, okay?"
Nick grinned at her. "Come over tomorrow morning and we'll all eat breakfast together."
Kindlin stood there for a moment. Well, wouldn't that be weird? They were all supposed to just sit around the table and eat like some big, happy family? "Alright. See you two then. It was nice to meet you, Sarah."
"You too, Kindlin!" Sarah smiled at her.
Once Nick and Alex had said goodbye and exchanged hugs and kisses, Kindlin took one last look at Nick and Sarah standing next to each other, before putting Alex in his car seat and getting in the driver's side. That was just how it was supposed to be... Nick and Sarah... standing next to each other. No Kindlin. Kindlin wasn't in that picture. She never could be.
As Nick and Sarah walked back into the house, Kindlin buckled her seat belt and sat there thinking for a minute.
"I like Nick a lot... he's so sweet and caring and... and he's just wonderful. But... I can't help but think that there's something holding him back."
Kindlin had a feeling that she knew what 'that something' was, that Sarah had talked so vaguely about. Maybe the fact that Nick and her were legally married was making him feel uncomfortable with dating other people. But she knew there was something she could do about that. She just hoped she had the strength to go through with it. She'd need a few angels on her side, for that one.
...So I've been calling angels down to Earth And I don't need a reason Calling angels down to Earth 'Cause I believe we need them
We only hurt the ones we love While we don't need a reason Gonna get all that you deserve And all that you believe in
Do you believe in Do you need them If you need them, Do you know?...
-Don't Need A Reason, by Beth Orton (CD: Trailer Park)
