Kindlin came home, four months later, from hanging out with Leighanne all day and evening at the mall. She snuck up the staircase and into her and Nick's room.
"Hey, baby!" she whispered with a grin, sneaking over to Nick and hugging him tightly.
Nick grinned back, "Hi, baby girl," he kissed her soundly on the lips.
"I'll be right back - so hold that thought, sexy - I'm just gonna go say g'night to Draya."
Andraya was now four months old and cuter than ever. She was a good baby, who had slept through the night since the beginning, and was hardly ever fussy.
Kin snuck quietly into the nursery, leaving Nick behind in the bedroom, with a kiss. As she crept to the crib, she noticed how quiet it was in there. Normally, Andraya would be making little baby noises in her sleep. Kin suddenly felt a weird feeling in her stomach... a mild version of panic. As she bent over the crib and ran her hand gently over her baby's head, she noticed how cold Andraya's body was.
"Draya??" Kindlin whispered tentatively, her voice coming out as a shaky breath.
She rolled Andraya over slowly and gasped as the baby's body appeared to be lifeless.
"Dray... Draya..." she picked the baby up and cradled her in her arms, but Andraya remained limp.
Kindlin lowered her head to Andraya's chest and listened for a heart beat. She began to sob as she heard nothing. Nick ran into the nursery, a worried look on his face.
"What's wrong, Kin??" he asked, at the doorway.
"Nicky... she-she's dead," Kindlin managed to get out, before collapsing to the ground in anguish.
Nick managed to catch her before she hit.
~ * ~
Kindlin was in a daze, hardly hearing the buzzing that was going on around her. Paramedics and police and whoever else you could think of was in Nick and Kindlin's home that night. Nick was across the room, talking to a police officer, his head hung in grief. Kindlin was sitting on the couch, staring off into space. She could tell somebody was sitting next to her... who they were, she had no idea... what they were doing, she had no idea. They were most likely making sure she wouldn't go off and kill herself.
But when Kindlin heard a familiar voice calling to her, she moved for the first time that night and found Brian at the doorway, his face fallen, his eyes sunken. She stood ever-so-slowly and walked to him. She felt like she was walking against the flow of a river. It seemed to take her forever to walk eight feet, it felt like she weighed a ton. She felt heavy, as if she couldn't hold up her own body weight, as if she could collapse at any moment. And she did, just as she'd gotten to Brian. He caught her, almost in the same way Nick had earlier that night, and held her against him. He tried to be strong for her, emotionally, but just as she began to cry, he began to cry with her.
Nick looked over at his wife and best friend, from across the room, and felt his heart break for her. How could this have happened? The paramedics had said that Andraya hadn't suffocated. But they didn't what had happened, so they were putting "SIDS" as the cause of death, on her death certificate.
Death certificate. How can someone so small, so young, already have a death certificate? It wasn't fair. Nick would have given anything at that moment to be the one with the death certificate, in place of his little girl.
He could still smell her beautiful baby scent that filled the house, he could picture her little blue eyes staring up at him with fascination, he could still feel her little fingers exploring his face. His heart broke all over again.
Brian finally asked, as Kindlin began to calm down a bit, "What happened, Kin?"
"They... they said..." more tears found their way down her ashen face, and she buried her head in his shoulder, her own shoulders shaking violently. "SIDS... Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Bri... I... I... How could this happen??"
He gazed down at her, remorse clearly shone on his face, "I don't know, Kin. I don't know.
A few hours passed, and Nick was finally able to sit with Kindlin. The house had quieted down a little bit. There were still a few paramedics and policemen strewn about the house, but not as many. The place that was crawling with people was the front yard. The news of the death of Nick Carter's baby girl had already gotten to the ears of the press.
The phone rang... a loud and shrill sound, in the daze of Kindlin's mind. She watched Brian, with hollow eyes, as he stood and went into the kitchen to answer. A few minutes later, he came back with the cordless, and handed it to her.
"I don't know if you can talk, Kinny, but it's your mom. She says it's really important, and she sounds very upset."
Kindlin didn't know how her mother would have already gotten the news of Andraya, unless she'd been watching the TV... which she never did. Kin suddenly felt that same panicked feeling come back to her, "Hello?"
"Kin?? Oh, darling..." her mother began to cry all over again. "I have some horrible news."
Kindlin's heart ached, "So do I, mama. What's wrong?"
"Your father... your father suffered a heart attack tonight... he didn't make it, baby girl."
To love you - take my world apart To need you - I am on my knees To love you - Take my world apart To need you - broken, on my knees
-Worlds Apart, by Jars of Clay (CD: self-titled)
