Part 1: The Voice Within
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream of a place where nothing's harder than it seems No one ever wants to bother to explain of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else, look inside yourself Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide You'll never change if you just run away Young girl, just hold tight Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed, it's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid No one reaches out a hand for you to hold When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else, look inside yourself Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Life is a journey It can take you anywhere you choose to go As long as you're learning You'll find all you'll need to know (Be strong) You'll break it (Hold on) You'll make it (Be strong) Just don't forsake it because no one can tell you what you can't do No one can stop you, you know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else, look inside yourself Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Young girl, don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
-The Voice Within; Christina Aguilera
[Written by Christina Aguilera and Glen Ballard]
(CD: Stripped)
A crash. A scream. A groan.
Pain.
She crouched in a corner of her bedroom, knowing if she were to leave her safe haven, she would be next. But now, her biggest battle was internal: was she weak for not going downstairs and facing the pain? Was it fair to let her mother suffer the consequences of her father's drunken stupor by herself?
Guilt.
She was only ten. What more could she do? Her heart beating quicker than normal, she crept to her bedroom window and popped the screen out, setting it aside. She'd climbed down the same tree countless times... it had become an effortless escape.
She ran quickly to the house next door. All the lights were off but that made no difference to her or to the people inside. She never used the front door anyway. After all, she was used to climbing up and down the sides of houses. The tap on the window had become nearly expected and was answered almost immediately. And in moments, she was in his arms, asleep in his bed.
Safety.
It was the only place Journey Payne felt truly safe.
There were no outward signs that anything was wrong in the Payne home. From the outside, they looked like a normal, loving family. There was only one little boy who knew the terrifying truth. One little boy who knew that if he informed his parents of the abuse going on next door, he would lose his best friend forever. She'd already told him she would never talk to him again if he told her family's secret.
And for a boy his age, being intrusted with such a secret was burdensome... but he kept it, because of the love he felt for her. And in his young mind, it was the right thing to do. Nick Carter was afraid. Afraid of losing what had become most important in his life... the girl next door.
As the years went by slowly, little changed. They both grew taller, more physically mature. Journey sprouted breasts "overnight"--or at least, that's what Nick said. And Nick started having to shave his face every morning. But the abuse continued and Nick remained the only one who knew the truth. If anyone else suspected something was wrong, they never said anything.
The longer her secret was kept, the more terrified Nick was to tell it. His relationship with Journey had grown stronger and with it had the fear of losing her. And what would people say? Maybe they'd blame him for not having said anything sooner. Would they look at him as though he were just as much the abuser as her father?
Maybe they would be right. Maybe he was just as bad as her father. In Nick's mind, every time he chickened out and didn't tell his parents Journey's horrifying secret, it was as though he'd just thrown her against a wall, as though his own fist had just made contact with her beautiful face.
But he was too afraid. And he remained silent.
Sixteen-year-old Journey reached a hand up to move a hair off her forehead that wasn't there. It was a sign that she was nervous, a motion she had done since she was a little girl. "He's going to AA meetings now, Nick. Everything will be fine soon."
But Nick wasn't convinced. She'd been making excuses for her father since his first drink and Nick assumed she would until his last. "Journ, I can't stand seeing you hurt."
"I'm not hurt, now am I?" She gave him a coy smile as she showed her limbs. "I'm lying here with you, aren't I? I'm fine."
"No, you're not," he whispered and she knew what he meant. Fine wasn't measured by dead or alive. Emotionally, she was far less than fine.
Journey didn't reply as she turned her face from his penetrating gaze and pretended to fall asleep. He didn't see her tears, but he knew they were there.
