See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait ... without you
With or without you With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you
With or without you With or without you, oh I can't live With or without you
And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away
My hands are tired My body bruised, she's got me with Nothing left to win And nothing else to lose
And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away
With or without you With or without you, oh I can't live With or without you
Oh ... Oh ... Oh ... Oh ...
With or without you With or without you, oh I can't live With or without you With or without you
-With or Without You, by U2 (CD: The Joshua Tree)
They'd been doing this for two years now. This battle had been going on longer than either of them had thought it would. They'd been married for three years, and fighting off and on throughout their entire marriage. Them separating and then getting back together again was a continual affair for the two of them, and it no longer surprised any of their family or friends. Nick and Ahya splitting? It was like finding out that the sun rose again in the morning. But they just couldn't seem to get along. They couldn't live with each other ... and when they were apart, they couldn't live without one another.
~ * ~
Ahya looked at her husband, her eyes misting with tears, before casting her gaze to the ground below her feet. Was it just her, or was the floor spinning? Another fight. Fortunately, this one had just been verbal, as opposed to some which ended with the two wrestling wholeheartedly on the ground. Ahya couldn't help but wonder why they even fought to hold on anymore -- sure, the make-up sex had always been great between the two, but even that wasn't worth the tears shed and the vicious words thrown, anymore. The only conclusion she had was that they truly couldn't live without each other. But how were they to go on if they couldn't live with each other either? It was a lose-lose situation and Ahya was having a hard time finding a solution to the predicament.
Sick of being hurt, and sick of crying herself to sleep each night, even when he was by her side, Ahya looked back up to Nick and said desperately through a strangled cry, "Maybe we should give up on separations, Nick. They get us nowhere."
Nick sighed and scratched his head before easing himself down onto the couch, sinking into the deep cushions, "What are you trying to say, Ahya?"
She could see the tears behind his eyes even if he was trying despairingly to hide them, keep them from her sight. He always did that, having such a hard time showing his emotion. Maybe that was half of their problem. She could never understand what he was feeling or going through.
Nick sighed again as he leaned farther back into the sofa. She never understood how he was feeling, and that was part of their problem. If she couldn't sympathize with his emotions then how were they ever going to mend their problems? He repeated her name in question, urging her to answer him.
Ahya slowly sat down next to him, but kept her eyes on her lap, "Maybe we ... maybe we should just ..." How was she to do this? How was she to give up the one man she had ever loved in her entire life? And that was no exaggeration. How was she to give up her life as she knew it; to leave this man that completed her, yet tore her so completely? He was this bittersweet being that made her heart skip more than a few beats every time he entered a room. She loved him so much. "Maybe we should divorce."
Nick's world fell out from under him.
~ * ~
"Mr. Carter, your limo has arrived."
"Thank you," Nick nodded as he stepped from the hotel and into the swarm of fans, his bodyguards quickly surrounding him as a protective shield. As soon as he was safely in the vehicle, Nick gave the driver permission to begin making its way to the Staples Center. He cast his gaze on his four friends, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Nothing," Brian answered on behalf of the group. "Well, it's just ..."
"Yeah, I know she's going to be there, okay? Look, she's my ex-wife and I loved her very much. I'm planning to be civil, and I'm sure she is too."
AJ looked up from the champagne bottle he'd been studying. He knew how touchy of a subject Ahya was to Nick, and he really hated getting into it with him, especially right before public events. The conversations about Nick's ex-wife usually put a damper on the entire evening. "Nick, I don't think we were worried about any confrontations."
"Oh, and what are you worried about?" Nick feigned interest, adding a sigh for dramatic affect. "That I just may break down in front of a crowd of people? You know, 'cause Heaven forbid that I might actually feel something for someone I spent years of my life with and shared everything with."
"Heaven forbid," Kevin muttered in monotone. He was sick of these discussions, and he made that quite clear as he cast his gaze outside the car.
Howie sighed, "Don't listen to Kevin, Nick. You know how he gets," he quickly dismissed the look that Kevin was giving him. "I think we're all just worried about you, kiddo. We know how hard you took it, emotionally, the last time that you saw Ahya."
Nick shot his friends a glare, "I'm not a kid. And I can handle my own affairs."
~ * ~
Nick watched Ahya from across the room at the after party. She was chatting enthusiastically with Sarah Michelle Gellar. He couldn't help but notice that every time the heavy lights above would hit her eyes at the perfect angle they would light up like angels. If only he could run away. If only he could take her with him. If only he could live with her, because he knew that he surely couldn't live without her.
Ahya felt his gaze on her for more than the first time that night. Oh, how she loved that man so much. How she missed everything about him. There were times that she'd found herself even missing their arguments, just because it meant that they were talking -- that they were sharing something. She missed his voice first thing in the morning, dripping with sleep and grumpiness. She missed his kisses late at night, filled with everything that the day had held for the both of them. If only he would take her away. If only she could live with him, because she knew that she surely couldn't live without him.
I want to run I want to hide I want to tear down the walls That hold me inside I want to reach out And touch the flame Where the streets have no name
I want to feel, sunlight on my face I see that dust cloud disappear without a trace I want to take shelter from the poison rain Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name We're still building Then burning down love, burning down love And when I go there I go there with you ... (It's all I can do)
The cities a flood And our love turns to rust We're beaten and blown by the wind Trampled in dust I'll show you a place High on a desert plain Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name Still building Then burning down love Burning down love And when I go there I go there with you (It's all I can do)
Our love turns to rust We're beaten and blown by the wind Blown by the wind...
-Where The Streets Have No Name, by U2 (CD: The Joshua Tree)
