Chapter 8: Light in Your Eyes
I'll be over at ten, you told me time and again But you're late I wait around and then I head for the door I can't take anymore It's not you, you let me down again Baby baby, try to find a little time and I'll make you mine I'll be home, I'll be beside the phone, waiting for you
Ooh-ooh... ooh-ooh
Why do you build me up, buttercup baby, just to let me down and mess me around I need you more than anyone, darling You know that I have from the start So build me up Oh buttercup, don't break my heart
-Build Me Up Buttercup; Clay Aiken
(based on the American Idol performance)
2 weeks later
Leah let out a frustrated breath that did nothing to relax her nerves. She'd been sitting by the door for over an hour waiting for Nick, and her thoughts were quickly turning bitter. Of course he wouldn't show up on time. It wasn't like they had something important to go to, like a doctor's appointment for their baby. No, instead they'd decided to go out on a date together and spend some quality time with one another--something they hadn't done in months. It was apparent that it wasn't important enough to be on time for.
He said he'd be here at seven, Leah thought and cringed when she looked at the clock to see that it was eight fifteen.
Their lives were getting ridiculous. She knew that Nick was busy, that he was trying to balance his time between she and the baby and Nathan, but she couldn't wait around for him forever. And she sure couldn't wait another hour by the door in her new dress and dress shoes and her hair in an uncomfortable up-do.
With a frustrated sigh, she stood from the couch and made her way back up the stairs to change into pajamas, take her hair down, and remove her makeup. It's not like she needed to look pretty for a night with a carton of Ben and Jerry's.
"I am so sorry, Lee. I really mean it. I was trying to leave, but Nathan was freaking out and crying and screaming. I couldn't just leave him that way."
Leah looked up at Nick's pleading face and noticed how tired he looked. For a moment she almost forgot how angry she was... but it didn't last long. She was tired, too. She was carrying a baby, for heaven's sakes. His baby.
"You know what, Nick? It's not so much that you didn't take me out tonight." Leah leaned over and placed the empty ice cream carton on the coffee table. When she looked back up at him, she was surprised to find tears in his eyes. But that wasn't going to deter her from saying what she needed to say. She couldn't keep letting him do this with her emotions. With Nick, her life was a constant yo-yo. "It's the fact that you stood me up. I'm supposed to be your fiance... we're supposed to be getting married, if that ever happens... and you're still back at the stage where you stand me up? You could have called."
"I know," Nick whispered, his fingers running recklessly through his already messy hair. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I'm sure you are. But I'm sick of hearing you have to apologize. It shouldn't have to be this hard, you know?"
Nick nodded and sat down on the couch next to her. "What do you wanna do?"
"Sleep."
"I don't mean tonight, Lee," Nick laughed quietly and reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ears. "You were all dressed up for me, weren't you?" he asked when he felt the hairspray against his fingers.
Leah nodded with a wry smile. "Yeah, sitting here by the door for over an hour. It was very exciting."
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking down at the floor. "I know you don't want to hear that, but you have to know that I really am."
"I do, Nick. I know." Leah took a deep breath and pulled her legs up onto the couch, leaning over to rest her head against Nick's chest. "What did you mean by 'what do you wanna do?'?"
Nick wrapped his arms around her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "With our lives."
She sat silently for a few minutes, trying to decide exactly what he meant. Finally she looked up at him, her eyes more sad than he'd ever before seen them. "I still love you with everything in me and I want more than anything to be your wife and to be some kind of priority in your life."
"You are a priority in my life. You're my number one prior-"
"I want to feel like I am."
Nick looked down at her and felt his heart break. She didn't feel like she was a priority in his life? He could understand that he hadn't exactly shown that she was his number one, but she didn't feel like she was a priority at all?
"Then let's do it. Let's get married."
Leah looked surprised. "I thought we were going to wait until everything calmed down a little bit."
"Well," Nick laughed, "that's obviously not working out for us, now is it? Maybe things won't calm down at all, for a really long time. We may as well go through it together, right?"
Leah smiled and Nick was glad that he'd been able to put the light back into her eyes. It was all worth it when she was smiling at him like she was.
