Same Old Lang Syne
By: Emma
© 2001

He whistled softly to himself as he wandered through the produce aisle of the supermarket. He wasn’t really looking for anything specific, he thought as he picked up a cantaloupe and tossed it from hand to hand, just something constructive to do. He studied the melon and, not knowing if they were in season or not, he placed it back in its spot before moving on. It was New Years Eve, and he should have been out celebrating with his friends, but they were all scattered this year. Lance was throwing some big party in New York for MTV, Justin was off with Britney God knows where, JC was in LA with Bobbie. Only he and Joey remained in Orlando. They were supposed to go to NYC to meet up with Lance but the snow up there had caused their flight to be cancelled, so here he was with nothing to do. Joey would probably go out and party, and he knew that he was more than welcome to go, but it didn’t seem appealing somehow. What was appealing would be for Joey to stay at home with him, sitting in front of the TV watching Dick Clark together, ringing in the new year with a kiss and some sweet, sweet Italian loving.

The thought brought a small smile to his face as he turned down the frozen foods aisle. He’d have to call Joe and tell him that plan, he thought, looking up to scan the row. He froze, one foot in the air, breath caught in his throat. He blinked once, unsure if what he was seeing was real or a product of his all too overactive imagination. No, it was her. She stood in front of the ice cream, biting her lip the way she did when she was trying to decide between more than one item. Her brow was furrowed in concentration, and as he watched, she reached up to sweep a fallen curtain of curly blond hair back behind her ear. Of all the supermarkets in all of Orlando…How long had it been since he’d seen her? Two years. Two years to the day since he had told her that it wasn’t going to work out between them because he was in love with one of his best friends. No, it didn’t matter which one of the guys it was, he remembered telling her. Yes, the two years we shared meant the world to me, but I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not anymore, he had said. He closed his eyes against the memory of her tearstained face as she had left his hotel room that night. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, and on New Year’s Eve of all days, but it had been one of his resolutions from the previous year that he be completely honest with himself, and he hadn’t wanted to start 1999 lying to himself.

Before he realized he was doing it, he found himself standing directly behind her. He hesitated a moment, studying the back of her head, before reaching out and touching her sleeve just above the elbow. She jumped and spun around, one hand clasped to her chest. She stared at him for a long moment before he realized that she probably didn’t recognize him. She had never seen him in full disguise before—not that it was much, just a hat and sunglasses—but, he also had more facial hair than he’d had the last time they had seen each other. Shaking his head, he lowered his sunglasses and peered over the top of them at her, a grin lighting his face. “Hey Samantha.” He said softly.

Her eyes flew open wide and her hand moved from her chest to her mouth.

“Chris.” She stated softly, a smile lighting her eyes. She threw her arms around him and he staggered backwards under the sudden force of her hug. Her bag—the huge bag she had always carried with her—slipped off her arm and the contents spilled all over the floor. “Crap.” She muttered as she let him go. She stared down at the mess before sighing loudly and crouching to pick it up. He crouched next to her and helped her shove everything back into the black leather. “Nothing’s changed, huh?” She asked, a laugh bubbling in her throat. She turned her blue eyes on him, the corners crinkling the way she did when she was on the verge of hysterical laughter. “Uh oh.” She said in warning, the way she always had right before the giggles overtook her. Then she was gone, collapsing into a heap where she had been crouching. Chris looked at her for a moment, eyebrows raised in amusement, before the absurdity of it got to him and he sat down hard next to her, clutching his sides as laughter wracked his body. It took him a few minutes to realize that Samantha was no longer laughing, her body shaking with tears instead.

“Sam?” He asked. He placed his hand on her shoulder, frowning when she shrugged it off.

“Sorry.” She muttered, pulling herself to her feet. She grabbed a carton of ice cream from the freezer in front of her, not bothering to check the flavor. “I have to go pay for this.” She started walking towards checkout, and he followed her, not wanting to let her leave like that. Not after so long. It didn’t take long for her purchase to be totaled up and bagged, and they stepped into the cool Orlando night. “So…” She finally said, embarrassment causing a pink blush to color her cheeks.

“So…” Chris echoed. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and scanned the parking lot for her car. “You wanna—“

“How ‘bout—“ she said at the same time. They stared at each other before Chris gestured for her to go first. “How about getting a drink with me? For old times sake?”

“Your car or mine?”

“Yours.”

They drove silently through the city, looking for an open bar, but none were. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned to look at her. “There seem to be a shortage of bars open at eleven in the morning.” He said, a wry smile twisting his lips. She nodded without looking at him, and he sighed. This was going to be painfully awkward. He opened the car door and hopped out. “I’ll be right back.” He said to her startled eyes. He jogged around the corner, knowing that he’d find what he needed. She wanted to go for a drink because the alcohol would make it easier to open up and pretend that he hadn’t hurt her, and that she was fine. If it would make things less painful, he’d go to the ends of the earth to get a six-pack. He didn’t have to go that far though. Two stores down he found a liquor store and purchased a sixer of Heineken. When he got back to his car, she was writing something on a scrap of paper, putting it away at the sight of him.

“I didn’t know if you were coming back.” She said. “I was going to leave a note and head back to the market to get my car.” Chris looked at her, his head cocked to one side waiting for her to continue. She sighed. “Okay, so I was running away. I was beginning to have second thoughts about this.”

“If you want to go…”Chris trailed off, giving her the escape she wanted.

“I can’t now.” She said with mock indignation. “You went and got…something.” She grinned at him, and for a moment he forgot that they were sitting in a cesspool of discomfort.

“Heineken.” He said, pulling the beer out of the brown paper bag. “We can drink it here.” Sam nodded, taking a generous sip of the bottle he opened for her. “No toast, Samantha?” He asked, a smile lighting his face as she flushed. She held her bottle towards him, her eyes focused on the label, avoiding all contact with his. “Here’s to…innocence lost.” Chris said softly, and her eyes slammed into his. “Here’s to…”

“Now. Here’s to now.” Samantha finished, clinking her bottle against his before taking another generous swig.

Chris drank half his beer before he spoke again. “Speaking of now, are you seeing anyone?”

Surprised blue eyes turned to him, her mouth forming an O. “No one told you?” She asked.

“I don’t really talk to people we used to hang with. I don’t have the time.” Chris said slowly. He narrowed his eyes and studied her. “What should someone have told me?”

“I got married last year.” She said softly, and Chris smiled.

“Hey, that’s great!” He said, leaning forward to give her cheek a congratulatory kiss.

“Yeah,” She said softly. “He puts a roof over my head and food in my belly.” She stared out the window, avoiding his steady gaze.

Chris frowned. “And love in your heart.” He said. When she didn’t answer, his frown deepened. “Right?” She looked at him then, her eyes locked in a steady gaze with his, and he knew. She wouldn’t answer that question because she wouldn’t lie. He exhaled sharply, and took a long drink of his beer. “Well, you look great.” Nothing like a change of subject. “Your eyes are still the bluest I’ve ever seen.” She flushed slightly, and looked at him. In those eyes, now covered by a slight sheen, he couldn’t tell if he saw doubt or gratitude.

“I’ve been following your career these past two years, Chris.” She said, a hint of pride in her voice. “Congratulations.” He closed his eyes as her lips touched his cheek in a kiss much like the one he had just given her. “How has it been for you?”

“The fans are great, and the shows are great. The guys are great.” Chris said slowly. “But it gets tiresome sometimes being on the road for so many weeks out of the year.”

“How’s Joey?” She asked after another pause had stretched into another moment of awkwardness.

His eyes flew to her face, and his mouth dropped open. “How…?”

“I figured it out for myself.” She said softly. “I started watching interviews with you guys and I saw the looks you gave each other.” Samantha sighed. “To an outsider, you guys are just best friends. To someone who saw how you interacted before falling in love…” She trailed off, not sure what she wanted to say.

“He’s good.” Chris finally answered. He smiled softly at her, and she nodded.

“You’re still going strong?” He nodded. “Good. I hope this lasts for you.”

“It will.” Chris said firmly. “This is the real thing.” He froze as he realized what he had said. She just stared at him, quiet understanding lighting her eyes.

“Well, good.” She said finally. She nodded emphatically. “Good.” She looked at her watch and her eyes widened. “I have to go. I’m supposed to be…somewhere.” Her voice faded as she looked at him.

Chris started the car and started to put it in gear when her hand on his arm stopped him. “I’ll get out here and walk.” She said softly, and he looked at her in confusion. “My husband works right there.” She pointed at the hospital, and he nodded in comprehension. “It was good to see you again, Chris.” Samantha placed another kiss on his cheek and climbed out of the car, bending down to look inside. “Don’t be a stranger.” She said softly before closing the door.

He watched her walk away, her head bent the way it always was when she didn’t want anyone to know she was crying. His own eyes filled with tears as he watched her go, and for a moment he was back in that hotel room two years ago, telling her that it was over between them. There was a dull pain in his chest and he placed his hand over his heart. “Bye Sam.” He whispered as she disappeared into the hospital.

He pulled his car into traffic just as his phone rang. “Hi Joe,” he said, not giving his partner a chance to speak. “Listen, I want to stay in tonight, and I…I need you to be with me.” There was silence on the other end as Joey digested his request.

“Okay.” His partner finally said slowly. Chris waited for him to ask why, knowing that the request was an odd one coming from him. “I was just calling to see where you were. You were supposed to be home an hour ago.”

“You won’t believe me when I tell you.” Chris said softly, turning the car towards their house. “I’ll be home in a few.”

“Okay.” Joey said. “See you then.”

“Hey Joe?” Chris said quickly before his boyfriend could hang up. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Joey said, surprise clear in his voice.

Chris didn’t say anything else before hitting the end button on his phone and placing it on the seat next to him. He let his hand rest there for a moment, still feeling the warmth of Samantha’s body in the leather. Then he smiled softly and placed his hand back on the wheel as he made the turn onto his street. As his house came into view, he sang softly, “Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?” The rest of the words caught in his throat as he pulled into the driveway and saw Joey waiting for him in the door, a smile on his face. “Yes, yes they should.” He said out loud as he turned off the car. “Goodbye Samantha.”