Who Am I Without You?
By Patti
© 2001

It was that day—the day Lance locked himself in the small bus bathroom, ignoring Chris’s desperate ‘I gotta GO !!’ pleas—that he wondered who he was.

To this day he still doesn’t know how Chris’s urgent doorjamb rattling and pounding turned into JC’s soft knock and whispered “Lance, it’s just me”; or how he had managed to let JC in without moving from his spot in front of the mirror.

But he did, and now Lance’s reflected gaze was under the scrutiny of another. JC opened his mouth but Lance intercepted the inevitable “Hey, are you okay?”

“Do you ever, you know, sometimes look at yourself and wonder who you are? I mean really ask yourself, stare yourself down, and just think to yourself ‘Hey, I know who I am, but who the hell am I?’ Does that even make any sense at all?” Lance spoke, all the while staring into the mirror, his attention volleying between green and blue.

A small smile tugged at JC’s mouth as he approached Lance and wrapped his perfectly chiseled arms around Lance’s waist, resting his perfectly chiseled face on Lance’s shoulder, JC’s most likely perfectly chiseled lungs exhaling sweetly on Lance’s neck.

“That’s easy. You’re Lance,” JC said before placing a small kiss on the hollow of his throat. “And I’m Josh.”

And that day—the day that Lance locked himself in the small bus bathroom, ignoring Chris’s desperate “I gotta GO !!” pleas—that he became Lance. Of LanceAndJosh.

And it was during the days of LanceAndJosh that Lance began to learn who he was. He learned that though his culinary skills were lacking, he loved flipping pancakes, much to the delight of Josh. He realized that he had a knack for ‘the business’—with his quick and analytical mind—and was urged by Josh to put his skills and smarts to good use. He found the hard-ass side of himself, who always had something to say when he was really pissed, and wouldn’t stand for anyone taking advantage of him or his brothers.

Lance also liked having his left earlobe nibbled lightly. Josh taught him that too.

As Lance of LanceAndJosh found himself becoming more complete and three dimensional, so did NSync as a whole become more complete and three-dimensional. It was true when Josh had said in an interview once: that they needed a fifth member to be fuller and complete. It was because of Lance that they were complete.

Lance finally knew who he was. He was Lance Bass of NSync. He was Lance… of LanceAndJosh.

Lance didn’t know how it happened, just as he was still unsure of Josh’s entry into the bathroom that day Lance became LanceAndJosh, but LanceAndJosh were becoming less than LanceAndJosh.

The ear nibbles were less and less frequent. The hard-ass comments that flowed freely when provoked were more and more frequent. It took more than flipping pancakes to bring a smile to Josh’s face.

And it was on that day when Lance and Josh of LanceAndJosh became Lance. And Josh. That Lance found himself in front of that same mirror asking himself—asking Josh: “Who am I without you?”

And Josh smiled his perfectly chiseled smile and placed his perfectly chiseled hand on Lance’s shoulder and replied simply:

“You’re Lance. And I’m Josh.”