Her words echoed in my head as I thought back to that night. The covers were still pulled tight around my head, blocking out the light that relentlessly poured through the large window beside me. I couldn’t seem to shake those bitter words from my memory. Her eyes were so fiery, her words shooting daggers into my soul.
The bright light invading my weary eyes jerked me away from my thoughts. I groaned as I rolled over, burying my face deep into the soft feather pillow. I groaned as I fought to force away the blinding light. My eyes slowly began to focus, my dark refuge suddenly stripped from me just like my pride.
"Joey, you can’t let her do this to you." His words were simple yet they were all he needed to make his point. His tone wasn’t harsh, but there was a demand that forced me to sit up.
"Jace.." I began to protest, but there was no way he would let me win. His determined blue eyes stared back at me as I slowly threw the covers the rest of the way off, allowing my feet to make contact with the soft cushion of the carpeted floor.
He made his way towards the door, instructing me to shower. "Justin has something for you," was his last words as he made his way out the door. I nodded my head, another groan gurgling from my throat. Why couldn’t I just stay in bed?
"You are so selfish..."
If only I could shake her bitter tone away from my ears. I had always been known as the ladies man of the group, never really staying with one woman for too long. I excused it as simply keeping my options open, but maybe in a sense it was fear. For some reason I had let her in, and I had given her a part of myself that I kept guarded from the other women I allowed in my life.
I turned on the water, watching the steam billow as the warm water touched the cold porcelain of the tub. I quickly undressed before stepping inside. With each rhythmic drop of the water, my muscles slowly began to relax. It wasn’t like me to be so tense. I was the happy-go-lucky guy...things didn’t get me down.
I leaned into the water, allowing the warm water to cascade down my face. I had always felt so good when I was with her. I had finally let someone in...someone that I thought I could love...someone that I thought could love me. Boy was I wrong. I scrubbed at my hair, the lather dripping down my arms. The heartbreak was slowly working itself into anger as I leaned my head back, washing the soap away.
The rest of my shower was quick. I had made up my mind...she was not going to destroy me. She had taught me to let love in. Even if she didn’t really love me...more like what I could give her. Boy was she good at her act...for awhile I actually thought she loved me.
I heard the knock on the door as I finished dressing. "Just a sec," I called, taking one last look in the mirror. There were still dark circles under my eyes, but there was a glimmer of spunk that hadn’t been there before. It’s amazing what a shower can do for a person. I pulled the door open to reveal Justin and two other familiar faces.
"Sara...Brynn." I was so happy to see them that I pulled them both into my arms without thinking. No wonder JC had insisted that I get up and get dressed. These two girls had become a big part of my life. The friends that I needed to get me through the rough times, and Justin’s surprise was just what I needed.
As I hugged them to me, my eyes fell on the girl standing just behind them. She appeared to be a bit nervous, unsure of her surroundings. Slowly I stepped away, allowing Sara to turn and usher the girl forward. "Joey, this is Faith. Faith...Joey," she said, smiling as her eyes moved from me to her and back to me.
I extended my hand politely, watching as she slowly extended hers. She gently placed it in mine, the softness of her skin intriguing me. If her hand was that soft then what did the gentle caress of her cheek feel like? "Very nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you," she whispered, a sweet smile finding her lips.
I glanced at Sara who was shooting Brynn an excited look. Brynn nibbled on her bottom lip, quietly observing what was going on in front of her. Those little sneaks had set me up. My eyes turned back to Faith, locking with her twinkling blue eyes. That look...
It was that look again, the same look that she used to give me every time I handed her a piece of jewelry or told her we were flying to some exotic place. This time it was different though. I held no jewelry in my hand. She knew no more about me then I did about her, yet in her eyes I found a gentle love. The best part was...I wasn’t afraid of it. I couldn’t understand it, but I wanted more of it.
"You are so selfish..."
Once again her words played over and over in my head. A slow smile crept up onto my face as I looked at the woman who stood before me. I wanted to know more about her, and I needed to see that love in her eyes intensify. I felt an instant longing to hold her...to share a love with her that sent me spiraling in new directions.
Suddenly a realization hit me. I hadn’t even spoken to her. "I was thinking that maybe we could all go grab some breakfast." It was simple, but the feelings that electrified my senses when she smiled at me were definitely not. I still remember the smile on Sara’s and Brynn’s faces as they linked arms with Justin, turning to walk down the hallway...for they matched my own.
I offered Faith my arm, smiling down at her as she gently slipped hers inside. Chris and Lance stood watching with matching expressions as I led her down the hallway. I couldn’t help but smile...something I hadn’t done much of in weeks. I watched Chris elbow Lance, each of them happy to once again see me back to myself.
I had been called selfish...I had been told that all I cared about were my own selfish needs and desires. I glanced down at Faith as I led her inside of the elevator. If the desire to know more about her or the need to have her close to me made me selfish...then by all means...you can call me selfish.
