Joe runs ahead and Steve turns off the camera and he runs to the stage, but not before he pans the room for a quick shot of *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys dressed in suits.
After joining the others on stage, Steve turns his camera back on and focuses on the audience.
Moderator: Now ladies, this will be a lot easier if you all calm down!
Kim: *points at Justin* I want YOU! *looks into her wallet and finds it almost empty...gets an idea* Hey! Does anybody wanna buy a '99 Ford Windstar?
BexXx: *seeing that Kim is moving in on her territory* Aw hail NAH! *checks her wallet* First born child, anyone?
Kim and BexXx get into a bidding war over Justin. Olivia, all about JC for the moment, is about to sell her soul for him. Lance looks at her, hoping she'll bid on him.
Lance: Come on!
Olivia, still about JC, realizes she's out of money, except for the $7.00 on her campus parking card.
Olivia: TAKE MY PARKING CARD!!
Moderator: Must be cash ladies, sorry.
Olivia wishes she had cashed the card before she left campus earlier that day. Even Steve gets a couple of bids.
Lucky: I'll take the Cameraman!!
Moderator: What's your bid, ma'am?
Lucky: I KNOW WHERE KID ROCK LIVES!!
Moderator: SOLD!
Joey sees what's going on and walks up to Lance.
Joey: Hey, couldn't help but notice you're not gettin' many bids there bro.
Lance: Yeah. There's no hope, is there?
Joe: There will be once you buy...the complete set of Joey's Guide to Pickup Lines!
Joey has Lance's attention, and Steve is there rolling tape. Joey takes away the mic from the moderator and grabs people's attention.
Joe: Attention! Anyone who's ever been as left out and alone as this poor young man...I'm here to help. The Love Doctor is in!
Everyone in the room stops fighting over the guys and looks at Lance. Joey hands Lance a book, who reads a line in the first volume of the set and approaches Olivia.
Lance: Hey beautiful...feeling frisky?
Olivia: Um...NO.
Lance retreats back to Joey's side all hurt. Joey then asks for a volunteer girl, or rather he picks one, so he can demonstrate and Lance can try again.
Joe: You! in the Superman Shirt.
Kim is thinking "Uh oh. Pimpboy and Mississippi are about to be humiliated, cuz I hate that kinda shit."
Joey: Lemme show you how it's done my brother.
Lance nods.
Joey: Hey sweet thang. Can I buy you a fish sandwich?
Kim: You gotta be kidding me.
Joey walks back over to Lance, scratching his head and wondering what went wrong. He prods Lance to try.
Lance: You got any Italian in you?
Kim shakes her head.
Lance: Want some?
Kim slaps him. Lance stalks back over to Joey.
Lance: That didn't work EITHER! I'M NOT EVEN ITALIAN! YOU SUCK!
Joey: *mysteriously* Ah-ha! I see we need the SECRET WEAPON!
He hands Lance a book the size of a phone book.
Joey: It's on page 2130.
Lance flips to the page and reads the part Joey instructed him to. He walks up and starts freaking Julie. She turns around, looks at him strangely...and then knees him in the groin. So then Lance limps up to Joey, grabs the book out of his hand and smacks him upside the head with it. The camera is shaking because Steve is laughing his ass off at Lance not succeeding. Lance then walks up to Olivia.
Lance: Hi, I'm Lance...and I'm from Mississippi.
Olivia: Hey! Nice to meet you, Lance...I'm Olivia. Would you like to see where Eminem lives?
Lance: You're from Michigan?
Olivia: Yep, straight out DETROIT....WHAT?
Lucky: AMEN SISTER!
Olivia: So how about we get outta here cowboy?
Lance: *tips his cowboy hat* The pleasure is all mine ma'am.
Olivia: SOLD!!
Lance puts his cowboy hat on Olivia's head, then carries her piggy back out the door.
JC: Damn. She bid almost everything she had!
Joey looks up and sees Lance and Olivia leave. He turns to the camera with a smile.
Joey: See, another satisfied customer!
Steve snickers behind the camera and Joey shoots him a dirty look.
Joey: Do you wanna go from dud to stud? Well then pick up the phone and order the complete set of Joey's...that ME!...Guide to Pickup Lines. The number for ya is 1-800-U-WANT-ME. I hopefully hope you'll order one, actually.
Joey signals Steve to stop taping, but Steve leaves it on and continues to focus on Joe. Steve laughs and the camera shakes when Joey stomps out of the room and Chris yells after him, "HEY JOE!! CAN I BUY YOU A FISH SANDWICH!?!?!"
As the end credits roll, the bidding continues and Steve pans the camera to get a shot of who won who...
Kim: Won Joey for a Smurf piggy bank full of New Jersey quarters and a case of Twinkies. She waves to Steve and the camera, before running out of the room to find him.
BexXx: Won Justin for 25 dollars, a collector's edition Barbie Doll, and a gallon of blood.
Hazel the Wheezing Woman: Won Nick and Howie for $1.50 each and a bottle of Visine.
Julie: Won JC for 50 bucks and a baggie of "pancake mix."
Dani: Won Chris for nothing...the moderator gave him to her because they're meant for each other.
Grandma Opal: Won AJ for the lucky penny she found on the ground and a coupon to the nearest tattoo parlor.
Kevin and Brian were not bid on by anybody, as their wives stormed into the auction and threatened the other women, then beat their husbands for participating.
VH1 Save the Music made a total of $78.26 from the auction that night.
Lucky smiles and walks over to Steve...and the camera gets turned off.