The Classifieds are Calling.....

And *N SYNC is answering....Since they know their 15 minutes of fame is about to run out...they decided to fill out some job applications in advance...ya know, so they have something to fall back on when the thrusting stops...enJOEY!

Department of Public Relations
1376 Cow Pasture Lane
Mississippi


Name: James Lance Bass

Address: I'm from Mississippi

Phone Number: (407) RIP-TOBY

Are you over 18?Yes, and I'm from Mississippi

Education: I am currently taking classes at Nebraska University, but I really wanted to go to Mississippi State.

Desired Position: The Official Spokesman for the state of Mississippi

Salary desired: Enough to build my own church: Our Lady of the Bass.

Present Employer: I have the inside "scoop", we are currently with Jive Records.

Special Skills: Praying and make-up application.

Special Studies: How a haircut and some dancing lessons can make a person "cool."

Previous Employment: *N SYNC - I'm Mr. Girl Were You Alone.
Salary: I had to pay off the newspaper reporters to not quote me anymore as saying the words "shit" or "piss."
Position: I am the *N SYNC punching bag.

Previous Employment: Poo-Foo
Salary: I got enough satisfaction out of seeing the faces of those children light up when they saw me, that I did not need to be paid.
Position: Poo-Foo. And I sang the song too..."Poo-Foo, Poo-Foo, where are you? Please come out and play."

References:

Name: Toby
Phone Number: Unfortunatly, you can't contact him....he is dead *sob*
Years of Acquaitence: Toby inspired me. He was all wild and stuff, so I try to live my life like he would want me to. I knew him for many years. I would go and see him at camp every summer when I was growing up...*sob* R.I.P. Toby....



Las Vegas, Nevada

Name: Justin Randall Timberlake

Address: Ah be all up in mah momma's crib in O-Town, yo.

Phone Number: (407) BBY-BLUE

Are you over 18?You know dis.

Education: Ah did home schoolin. But now Ah be workin on mah college degree. Mah major be Urban Studies wit a minor in Ebonics.

Desired Position: Male stripper: Cuz mah body has gots da skills fo dat. Ah'm mad sexy.

Salary desired: Ah know dis ass be worth millions, cuz Ah'm CrUnK.

Present Employer: Jive Records -- Dolla Dolla Billz Y'all.

Special Skills: Oh Ah gots da skills. Ah tear up da B-Ball court. Ah can stick out mah tongue and make it look sexy. And Ah can drve da Benz while simultaneously bouncin to Jay-Z's "Can I Get A."

Special Studies: Thrustin and da effect it has on 13 year old hunnies.

Previous Employment: *N SYNC - I am *N SYNC. No Justin=No *N SYNC
Salary: Y'all know Ah gots da phat cash. Check dis JRT necklace and mah Benz...
Position: Lead singer on EVERYTHING. Day all know dat I am da shiznit. And dats why dey be givin me all da solos.

Previous Employment: MMC - Ah was MMC.
Salary: Dey paid mah ass well.
Position: Ah was da flyest 13 year old brother to eva be on MMC. Ah was da mack daddy den too..Ah mean ah gots all da fly hunnies back in da MMC day.

References:

Name: Britany Spears
Phone Number: Ah have a restrainin order against dis wack ho, so y'all can check da police report fo dat.
Years of Acquaitence:Ah be knowin Brit's ass since MMC.



Los Angeles, California

Name: Christopher Allen Kirkpatrick

Address: I live with Justin's mom.

Phone Number: (407) CUT-DREAD

Are you over 18?I remember back in the day when I was 18, let's see that was around 1947.

Education: Rollins College to study psychology. And I attended a seminar on 1,001 jokes for the humor impared.

Desired Position: Stand Up Comic

Salary desired: Enough to support my wife and two kids.

Present Employer: Jive Records.

Special Skills: Playstation. Telling funny jokes, even if no one laughs at them. And I know all of the words to the underoos commercial.

Special Studies: The psychology of funnel cakes and their effects on grammas wanting them.

Previous Employment: *N SYNC - I hit the high notes. Usually.
Salary: I never saw any of my salary. It always went to my wife and kids.
Position: The funny one.

Previous Employment: FuManSkeeto
Salary: No one has bought any clothes yet, so I am about $400,000 in the hole.
Position: Not only am I the president, I'm also a client.

References:

Name: Busta
Phone Number: All you have to do is call out his name and he will come. I trained him well.
Years of Acquaitence: About one year now.



Department for Solo Artistry

Name: Joshua Scott Chasez (It's pronounced Shhhuzay, damnit!)

Address: I roll with Chris and Justin, at Lynn's house.

Phone Number: (407) IMA-SPAZZ

Are you over 18? Yes.

Education: The School of Orchestrial Directed Studies

Desired Position: Solo Artist.

Salary desired: Enough to pay for some good cosmetic dentistry.

Present Employer: Jive Records, but that's only until I go solo.

Special Skills: Doing the running man. Making up "jazz" versions to every song. Respecting everyone (except Lou).

Special Studies: I am currently involved in conducting invisible orchestras.

Previous Employment: *N SYNC - There's no "I" in *N SYNC
Salary: Lou is an unscrupulous business man.
Position: I am the sanity.

Previous Employment: The All New Mickey Mouse Club
Salary: Mickey Mouse is an unscrupulous business man.
Position: Singer, dancer, actor...you may remember me by my Oscar winning portrayal of Wipeout.

References:

Name: Jerome
Phone Number: His cell is (407) 555-DRUG and his pager is (407) 555-THUG
Years of Acquaitence: I have been doing business with Jerome for over a year now.



Madame Cleo's Vancouver Massage Parlor and Escorts, Canada

Name: Joseph Anthony Fatone, Jr.

Address: I share a bunk with my bro Steve, actually.

Phone Number: (407) 555-PIMP

Are you over 18? Let's see...I was born in 1977, actually..so..um..carry the 1, plus 2...yeah, actually I am over 18.

Education: I went to a special school, actually. My parents told me that all of the really smart kids went there. They were way too smart to go to a real school, actually. And I even got to ride the short bus.

Desired Position: On Top.

Salary desired: I thought that I was supposed to pay HER, actually.

Present Employer: Transcontinental...no wait, actually RCA..uh..that's not it...Jive?..yeah, actually Jive. Jive Records.

Special Skills: I am good at sex. And I can do this thing with my tongue. Want me to show you?

Special Studies: Female Anatomy. And I am actually doing an experiment on STD's and the effect on the human brain.

Previous Employment: *N SYNC - I was the Y
Salary: I spent most of it on my Superman necklace, actually.
Position: Usually, doggy style.

Previous Employment: Universal Studios - The Beetlejuice Graveyard Revue
Salary: They gave me free food, actually.
Position: Why do you keep asking me this? Oooh..you must mean, what did I do..not how I do it! I was the Wolfman. Grrrrrrrrrr.

References:

Name: Misty
Phone Number: She gave it to me, but I lost it, actually.
Years of Acquaitence: 7 hours and 23 minutes. They don't call me Superman for nothing.



Orlando, FL

Name: Steven "The Stever" Anthony Fatone

Address: I share a bunk with my bro Joe.

Phone Number: (407) CAN-TAPE

Are you over 18? Since I am older than my bro Joe, and he is over 18, I guess I would be too.

Education: I dropped out to pursue my musical career, and when that fell through, I picked up a camara.

Desired Position: The "S" in *N SYNC...I should be in the group, not Chris.

Salary desired: Justin, Joey, Lance, and JC said they would pretend to be my friends, isn't that payment enough ? Oooh...and the guys let me sleep with the girls that they reject.

Present Employer: Joey, he even lets me wipe his ass too...am I the luckiest guy in the world or what?!?!?!

Special Skills: I can hold the video camara steady. And if the guys would give me a chance, I could show them that I can sing and dance too!

Special Studies: I am testing how long a person can hold a video camara with one arm before there is permanent damage.

Previous Employment: Professional Roadie
Salary: Am I supposed to be gettin paid for this? I spend all of my money on video equiptment and tapes.
Position: *N SYNC Wannabe

References:

Name: Joey, Justin, JC and Lance (I can't put Chris down as a reference, because he knows that I want his job, so he is not too happy with me right now!)
Phone Number: You can't contact them by phone, but I will tape them answering your questions and send it to you.
Years of Acquaitence: I have known Joey since he was born, and the other guys, I have been taping them for about 3 years now.


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