The Place---Chicago
The Time---1934
The Cast of Characters---(in order of appearance)
Christopher (Babyface) Kirkpatrick
"Fat Lou" Perlman
Juju (Mad Dog) Timberlake
JC (Twinkletoes) Chasez
Joey (Muscles) Fatone
Lance Bass, Cub Reporter
...and a Supporting Cast of Street People who are only here for the free bolognie. And they're stinkin' up the costumes, damn it!
* * * * * * * *
"I love the smell of mercu-a-chrome in the morning," Muscles smiled. He looked like hell, but he had a satisfied, at-peace-with-the-world look on his face. "How ya doin, boss?"
JC Chasez bounced down the steps from his elegant apartment, and nodded at Joey. "VERY well, Muscles, how are you?"
"Nevah felt bettah!" He lightly smacked the shining hood of the car.
The two men just beamed at each other. "That was some tail we kicked last night," Joey said. "I still can't believe how well that played out." He looked with admiration at his boss, who was also in no hurry to get in, and begin their day. Joey felt the need to rehash the previous night's events one more time, to relive the glory...
"Well, Muscles, every great military strategist will tell you that nothing tops the element of surprise. I wasn't sure that Perlman would fall for it, a meeting convened by the Old Families, to restructure the pie, and divvy up the downtown businesses. But once I heard he was coming, I knew we'd never have a better opportunity to do a little housecleaning."
"Like cleaning rats out of a basement," Joey cheerfully agreed. "Perlman's people were caught with their pants down, all right. When we busted into the room, and started busting *heads*---it still cracks me up everytime I picture the look on Perlman's face when he saw YOU come barreling into the conference room."
"He didn't expect it, see," Twinkletoes said. "He never thought a boss would condescend to crack heads just like one of the boys."
"And can I just say," Joey turned sincere, "that the way you picked that Kleinfelter guy up and threw him at Shmutz and Littella---knocking 'em down like a bowler's strike--" Joey shook his head, almost overcome with emotion, "that--that was a thing of BEAUTY."
"Aw, go on."
"I mean it, man. That was a sight I will treasure in my heart forever."
Twinkletoes punched Muscles in the arm, to hide his own emotion. "And what about you, Muscles? I saw that thing you did with the chair. Swinging it around, how many did you take out with that little manuever? I counted four, at least."
"Five, actually. Slessinger tripped, trying to get away."
"Excellent."
"Of course, it was so sad about Perlman's fatal accident." Joey said, with a straight face. "Unexpected as it was."
"Yeah," JC sighed. "We were just lucky that the some cops on the take were there to witness that it really was an accident. I mean, nobody told Perlman to start panicking and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"Damn straight," Joey agreed. "If you run through a plate-glass window, and you're on the 14th floor----consequences and repercussions are sure to ensue. Can't argue with Mother Nature and natural law, and all that mess."
"Especially the gravity thing," JC pointed out.
"I'm sayin," Muscles nodded solemnly.
They exchanged a deep, deep grin.
"But Boss, there's one thing I don't understand. Right in the middle of punching out Bowman and Heinze, you looked at your watch, panicked, and started punching them even harder.. What? Did you remember somewhere ya had to be?"
"Actually, I did." Twinkletoes lowered his head, and looked kind of sideways at Muscles. "I--uh, suddenly remembered a previous engagement."
"Yer kiddin. What could be so important?"
"Well. I had an appointment with Babyface." he looked up, and dared Fatone to make something of it.
"Oh. Oh." Fatone said. "Well."
"You got to admit, I fought even better after that." Fatone nodded. "You're right. You practically cleaned the place out all by yourself. I guess motivation is a powerful thing..."
JC said in a low voice, "It's--it's just that I told him I'd be there by eight. I didn't want him to think I forgot, or didn't care. You know."
After a comfortable silence, Fatone smirked a little, and quoted, "I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."
At JC's questioning look, Fatone went on, "That old poem, The Highwayman, by...um, Alfred Noyes? What-- you think I didn't pay attention in third- period English? Mrs. Bennett was HOT, man."
"I had no idea."
Fatone leaned over, and said, softly, in a friendly teasing sort of way, "And there was all these lines about 'sweet black hair in the moonlight'. Does Babyface have sweet black hair in the moonlight, huh?"..
"Shut up!" JC blushed, and pushed Muscles away. Chasez allowed Muscles a good laugh, to get it out of his system, and then he turned serious again. "Listen, Muscles, I know I asked you to take care of Mad Dog for me, after you dropped me off downtown. I want you to know your efforts are very appreciated.' JC looked to the left and to the right, to make sure no one could hear. "So, uh---where did you dump the body?"
"The body?"
"The corpse. The carcass. The remains."
Fatone looked sick. "You mean, I could-a KILLED him?"
"You mean you didn't?!"
"NO, I didn't kill him! You never said nothin' about killing him. You just said to *take care* of him."
"Fatone! In our line of work, what the HELL do you think *take care of* means? Of course, I wanted him killed."
Joey was seriously mad now. "Well, listen here, Mr-- I'm--Too--Good--To-- Run--Over--My--Friends. Did you or did you not specifically tell me to refrain from running people over, unless you actually Requested It?"
JC was spazzing now. "That was then! This is now! Mad Dog is obsessed with Babyface, and I tell you to Take Care Of Him, and I'm trusting you to do that, and I'm all relaxed and happy, and thinking I' ve made the world safe for Babyfaces everywhere, I'm a big HERO----and---and--" JC suddenly stopped. He said in a calmer tone. "Okay. Just tell me that you broke every bone in his body, and he is resting comfortably at some convalescent home, a danger to no-one but himself. Just tell me THAT."
Joey's widened. He took his hat off, and threw it down on the ground. "I Could-a Broke Every Bone in His Body!!!?? NOW you tell me this?!" He stomped around a few times, and then shot a look at Chasez. "A *little* direction would be appreciated, now and then..." he said grimly.
Chasez took a deep breath. He rubbed his hands over his face. He looked up, and said in an even tone, "Just tell me what you did."
"What do you think I did? You tell me to take care of Mad Dog, I took care of Mad Dog. I drove him out to Old Highway Forty-One. I go about 60 miles out of town, I stop the car, I throw my sandwich out the window, he dives out to get it, and I drive off. End of story."
JC's eyes were glassy in shock.
"And let me tell you, Mad Dog's got some seriously long legs. Somebody give him a rabies shot, you got yourself a High School TrackStar. He must-a followed me for two, three miles. Un-nerving. Look in your rear-view mirror, and here's this long-legged thing tearing up the road, pumpin' those legs like pistons--"
JC put his hand out blindly. "Shut up. Get in the car. Drive."
Fatone actually asked, "Where to?"
"Where do ya think? To Jimmy's place."
"Whatever."
