Well, you'll never have to worry about that ever again with the brand new portable, collapsible, inflatable Oxybreathe Bassmask. That's right ladies and gentlemen, with the Oxybreathe Bassmask, maintaining the appropriate level of oxygen in your bloodstream to ensure your survival has become a worry of the past.
Joey: *pops onto the screen, holding up a mask to his face* Look at me! I'm Michael Jackson!
Lance: Man! *pushes Joey out of the way* You see, human life can exist only in the presence of appropriately composed gaseous air: on the one hand, because life is a combustion phenomenon and, therefore, requires for its maintenance a permanent supply of oxygen, which the human organism, however, can only obtain from gaseous air by breathing...
Joey: *comes back out, mask still on* Is the moon made of cheese?
Lance: YES! That's why I wanna go to space, so I can bring you back some cheese. *Joey happily skips off, he continues on his next point* ...and, on the other hand, because the body must always be surrounded by a certain pressure, without which its water content would vaporize and the vessels would burst. It is necessary to provide a manmade supply of air if our terrestrial life is to be maintained in empty space.
Meanwhile Chris is running around with a sparkly pink Dolce and Gabanna square-shaped mask. JC is running after him going, "COME BACK HERE WITH MY MASK, YOU BLOCKHEAD!" and pelting him with moon rocks. Lance gets smacked in the back of the head with a really big one.
Lance: HEY! *picks up the rock and throws it back, misses and turns to camera, completely flustered as to where he left off* The nitrogen necessary for the air, and especially the oxygen, would always have to be maintained in sufficient supply in the liquid state in their own tanks through continual resupply from Earth.
Wade suddenly comes bouncing into the background with his moon shoes.
Lance: *totally oblivious to what's going on behind him* However, in order to exist also outside of enclosed capsules of this type in empty space, airtight suits would have to be used, whose interior is also supplied automatically with air by attached devices. Such suits would be quite similar to the familiar underwater diving suits. We will call them "space suits."
JC: *pops in holding a handful of moon rocks* Did someone say moonshine?
Lance: No...go away JC! *squints at cue card, not knowing where to pick up* On the basis of the extensive experiences already gathered there on the question of supplying air artificially, it can be stated that this problem, without question, is entirely solvable also for a stay in empty space...
Wade attempts to do the moonwalk IN moonshoes, and Justin runs out, proving the law of gravity by knocking Wade on his ass.
Lance: ...or in down-to-earth situations, thanks to my exclusive line of patented oxygen masks.
Having knocked the wind out of Wade, Justin grabs an oxygen mask for him and does like Vanna White, walking with it, modeling it, and slapping it on Wade's face.
Lance: The Oxybreathe Bassmask comes in a variety of styles, from wild and crazy colors and shapes, to the traditional NASA space helmet.
And Oxybreathe Bassmasks are not just for space travelers. Say you go camping and your only option for toilet use is a portapottie. Just pop on that Oxybreathe Bassmask and you're set...you'll be squatting in style!
Joey: *pops onto the screen again, still wearing Jacko mask, scratching his head and still trying to process the information about air* Did you say...gaseous?
Suddenly a moon rock goes flying at him and Joey runs off.
Lance: And that long climb up a flight of stairs that leaves even the best of us winded is made easy by my special oxygen mask! But you can't find these puppies in stores. You can't even order them from NASA. No, folks, this product is only available through this special TV offer. For just three installments of $19.99 you too can have your very own Oxybreathe Bassmask, with your name embroidered on the nose piece. And as an added bonus, I'll throw in a complimentary moon rock! Don't delay, CALL NOW: 1-800-BREATHE.
Chris comes back in, still wearing JC's mask, and says, "This has been a James Lance Bass Mississippi Production!" then starts running again after Jayce throws another rock at him.