i will not set him free until u send me............. Food Stamps! ( to pay for the nachos and beer)

Bwa ha ha ha !

The Chris Napper

Hello! Thank you for writing in and letting NOT know where Chris is. *Wink wink, nudge nudge* Unfortunately, I am unable to send you any Food Stamps as I have spent them all on beer and nachos for myself and my 18 Norweigen children.

Seeing as it IS the Holiday season, couldn't you find it in your Chris-Napping heart to let him go long enough for a couple public appearances? Or maybe just a photo shoot at a local McDonald's? Of course, if you do one of these things, please clean him up a little by giving him a bath or shower...it would be downright embarassing for him to go into his adoring public smelling like gym socks.

After this appearance, you are more than welcome to lock him back up as you see fit. We just want to see his short, pudgy butt once more...giving us a chance to say a fond farewell.

Please write back to me and let me know your decision,

Awaiting your reply,

BexXx

I AM NOT A RAPIST! I will not give him a shower or bath on account that i may be held on charges for sexaual assalt IF he is ever found (bwa ha ha ha )

and how do u KNOW he's in my closet? I could have moved him to ..... THE PORTA POTTY IN MY BACK YARD!

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !

you'll NEVER find him now! ( and i don't like the holidays so i shall neverrrrr take him out ..... until he gets moldy ..... like my gym socks......)

Luv ~ the Chris Napper

p.s. What is this Mc Donalds that u speak of?.... Zay do not havz zoze en Mah contreee.... bwa ha ha ha

p.p.s. I Still need food stamps

Thank you for your quick response. I am sorry to hear you will not be letting Chris out for a Holiday appearance.

As for the shower/bath, you could perhaps consider letting him bathe HIMSELF? I think a man of his age should be able to handle a bar of soap and a loofa...or if you don't have a loofa, perhaps one of those little poufy things? Chris likes those little poufy things.

I am sorry you have a porta potty in your back yard. As the smell from the porta potty AND Chris smelling like gym socks must be terrible. May I suggest Glade Plug-Ins? They come in an array of aromas, and will leave your house smelling nice and clean...that is, if you LIVE in a house...you could live in a trailer or a shack, in which case outdoor plumbing might be necessary, if that is the case, forgive me for my rudeness...

I still have no Food Stamps to send you, however I might be able to come up with a couple of dollars worth of McDonald's gift certificates. I don't know that those would help you either because you said that they do not have McDonald's in your country, and also, they do not sell nachos and beer at McDonald's...Only Big Macs and McRib sandwiches...(Something else Chris is very fond of...or is that Joey? I always get those two mixed up!)

Perhaps there is something else you will accept from me instead of the Food Stamps? Please think about this and write back to me. I would really like to see Chris free once again, as I am sure his mother misses him..as do our...ahem...I mean MY 18 Norweigen children.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
Sincerely Yours,
BexXx

First off thank u very much for the suggestion of the glade plug ins with the array of aromas to ward off the stench that Mr. Kirkpatrick and the porta potty have been activly creating.

Now, allow me to explain my dilema to you all *ahem*

I NEED THE FOOD STAMPS DAMMIT!

This is because , as being the abducter of the Stinky Old Man it is my responsibilty to be reponsible for the well being of my captive ( note~ i said well being NOT hygenics ) as a result i have put the pugdy one on a strict diet of beer and nachos ( the kind ONLY aviailible with food stamps) to keep his chubby little ass in shape.

plus ~ THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER! IT IS TOO LATE! BWA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

Much Evil...
the chris napper ( Bwa ha ha ha ! Wa ha ha ha !)

p.s. ur very welcome for my timely response and thank u so much for noteing my promptness.

I have found exactly 11 dollars and 42 cents in Food Stamps with the help of my older sister. If you will kindly send me your address, I will send the police...umm...I mean...the FOOD STAMPS to you.

I am in no way trying to have you arrested for abducting Mr. Kirkpatrick. So please do not barricade yourself in the house with cardboard boxes and duct tape. And by no means should you stuff one of your gym socks into Chris' mouth to keep him quiet, as this would just result in Chris getting a bad case of athlete's mouth...and he needs that mouth to eat his nachos and drink his beer...oh yes, and to sing.

You are very welcome for my noticing your promptness, you are a very nice and considerate kidnapper to write to me and NOT let me know where Chris is being held.

Again, I need to know where to send the Food Stamps so that I may send them as soon as possible, I do not want Chris running out of beer and nachos.

Please give Chris a big hug and a Pillsbury poke in the belly once for me and once for each of my 18 Norweigen children...he loves it when we do that.

Sincerely,

BexXx

Chris and i are greatly pleased that you have conjured up enought food stamps to keep him happy, healthy, and on his diet. I am, however, being re located so my adress, and that of Mr. Kirkpatrick's porta potty, are being withheld until further notice.

And while I am thinking about it..... did u really HAVE 18 Norwiegen children WITH my captive! Excuse me for my rudeness but... WOW that's alot of kids!

And yes i will indeed poke Mr. Kirpatrick in the belly. However with him being so full of beer and nachos that may not be a good idea. I will however see if i can send you and your children a picture of Chris so that u can see that he is actually alive and smelly (um.... well...). Please do not be alarmed by his appearence. (if and when you receive these pics.)

Bwa ha ha ha !

Ur consitered friend

The Chris Napper

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My children and I would love to see photographs of Chris so that we know he is alive and well...err...as well as one living off beer and nachos and living in a porta potty could be.

I don't know WHERE on earth you got the idea that my 18 Norweigen Children are also the children of Chris...this is a fabrication...PLEASE don't tell the National Enquirer that! They would only post it in their weekly tabloid and things would get as hairy as Joey Fatone's butt. Just because they're all midgets with dark hair, brown eyes, and very high singing voices means NOTHING! I swear!

As for the number of them...it could be said that their father (Who is NOT Chris Kirkpatrick...please don't alert the press) is something of a sex fiend.

Your Food Stamps are waiting, and after the first of the month there should be more coming...so long as I can ween my children off beer and nachos for a few days in order to send them to you. I suppose they can go without for a little while, they're all pretty chubby...UNLIKE their non Chris Kirkpatrick father who is very slender and um...TALL...he's tall...

Thank you for poking him in the belly, I hope you told him who the pokes were from...I believe it would warm his heart to know that the 18 children who are so clearly NOT his still love him and miss him.

Please keep in touch, as your daily letters are keeping us sane.

We thank you again for taking such good care of Chris. My birthday is on Tuesday, and it would have been terrible to spend my birthday not knowing where or how the NON father of my 18 Norweigen children was.

Bye for now, I must go and put my 18 children to bed. Right now they are all fighting over the one sleeping bag that I have. I will probably give it to my favorite of the 18 of them, Chris Jr. (NOT Chris KIRKPATRICK Jr. mind you)

Thank you, and goodnight,

BexXx

I am much obliged to sending u and your children pictures of your kidnapped aquaintence. And sinse i happen to be much fonder of birthdays than i am of the holiday season i will strive to send you the pictures as soon as possible.

And on further note i will NEVER in my right of mind tell the international press ANYTHING! so you and your 18 Norwiegen children are safe. This is becuase i am in EXTREME danger of being prosicuted for abducting Mr. Kirkpatrick and there for cannot contact authorities at this moment in time.

Now onto business, I say with much regret that my adress must still remain confidential. This is on account of my being relocated to a more SECRETIVE place bwa ha ha ha ! So as a bonus for keeping in contact with me i shall permit you to spending 1/4 of the food stamps on your Norwiegen children.

I am off now to go try and abduct other group/tribe members dear to Mr. Kirkpatrick in hopes that he will not be lonley. To add to the brilliance of this plan, i suspect that the more people i abduct, the more people i can send ransome notes to, and therefore ..... MORE FOOD STAMPS BWA HA HA HA !

Later till the day is gone! Bwa ha ha ha !

The Chris Napper

p.s. Happy Birthday!

p.p.s. Chris says "mmphmumufum" translation ~ "send me some birthday cake!"

The picture you sent us of Chris is very much appreciated! He does not look too bad except for the fact that his mouth is covered and he seems to be bound with what looks like very heavy rope.

If I do have a birthday cake, I will gladly send him a piece. Would you like one too? I will save one for both of you. Although I am going to a Mexican restaurant for my birthday celebration, so it might just have to be a piece of Flan....do you like Flan? I do. And so does Chris. So I will send Chris a piece of Flan.

Perhaps you should consider kidnapping Justin Timberlake next. He has had far too much media coverage in the last few months, and we could use a break from him. Besides that, he gets along well with Chris and they could spend time together mumbling back and forth from behind the socks in their mouths. Wouldn't that be touching to see?

Thank you for allowing me to spend 1/4 of the Food Stamps...my children will be very greatful. And it is a very nice birthday present. Last year for my birthday Chris bought me a baby bottle for my 18 Norweigen babies, (They were babies last year, and have grown into children this year.) they have since grown off the bottle and are now eating nachos and beer just like their NOT father.

I am awaiting instruction on where to send the Food Stamps. I hope your new location is much nicer and more comfortable for both you and Chris, and does not smell of gym socks and porta pottys.

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

As ever, your faithful servant,

BexXx

Yes, thank you very much for offering us flan and peices of birthday cake. As for you're suggestion of kidnapping Mr. Timberlake, i agree with you on the term that he DOES get WAY too much media coverage and that he is WAY too over exposed. In fact if it wasn't for his cuteness i'd hate his curly miserable guts! However, that reamains to be the problem. The fact that he is so covered by the media stands in my way of abducting him. And i REALLY don't want to put up with his unbearableness (he can be such a brat) but thank you for the suggestion. But ne ways. You are very welcome for my offer on the food stamps and i do hope that you spend them on as much beer and nachos as you see fit.

So ne ways i have finally finished reloacating. You can send the 3/4 of the remaining food stamps to my new adress.

I now live in : The Cave

Bwa ha ha ha

The Chris Napper

You live in a cave now? I worry about your health as there must be a draft. Please keep Chris warm. Ahh, now I am concerned! I'm going to find it difficult to send the Food Stamps unless you can assure me that Chris is safe and warm and dry.

I am very excited about my birthday dinner tomorrow, and wish you and Chris could be there to join us.

Have a good night, Chris Napper...but, I must admit I am very concerned...

BexXx

please do not be concerned. The cave is actually much warmer than where i am used to living and it has a big boulder in front of it to keep out drafts. Chris and his porta potty are safe in the corner and we even have a little "Welcome to our Cave" mat outside the entrace ( Chris has a "Welcome to my Porta Potty" mat out side his little stall.) it is quite cozy and it has indoor plumbing.

Please send the food stamps now before i am forced to feed Mr. Kirkpatrick the dog doo that i scraped off the bottom of my shoe last night. ( don't worry the shoes were brand new so it won't be that bad)

In the mean time both of us with u a happy birthday and a happy new year. I thank you for your concern however it is unnecissary.

Bwa ha ha ha!

The Chris Napper

Forgive me for not responding to your email sooner, but I was busy partying on my birthday! It has been a nice day. I got to go out to lunch and then out to dinner as well. I didn't have a birthday cake, but I am sending the rest of my Flan along to Chris with the Food Stamps.

Thank you for calming my worries about the cave, I really appreciate it. I don't like to think of Chris in danger, or you either, my friend the Chris Napper. I worry about you both.

I really don't have much to write about today, as I am very tired from spending the day celebrating. Please tell Chris I wish he could have been here with me. I drank an extra pina colada at dinner just for him.

Hugs and Kisses,

BexXx and her 18 Norweigen children

The fact that your message was a day late was not a problem @ all. I am happy to hear that you had a good birthday and that you are sending Chris a peice of Flan. Im sure they will go with his nachos and beer.

I also don't have much to say so i will leave you with this.: Bwa ha ha ha and a happy and healthy new year to you and your children

your freind,

The Chris Napper.

Many days have passed scinse you and my napper have spoken over email. I am getting worried on acount that you are my only hope of normalcy out side of this cave. Please write back so that i have sumthing to read in my portapotty.

much luv,

Chris Kirkpatrick

I am happy to see that your Napper has let you out of your porta potty long enough to send me an email. Rest assured that I am fine, and so are the 18 Norweigen children that you hold so dear.

Please extend my greetings to your Napper, as well.

I miss you, and I hope you are doing well. Have a good day, Chris and think of me often! I will write more often, I promise!

With Love,

BexXx