And drink a Mike's...
Or two...
Or three...
Or four...
Or, oh hell, give me the whole damn case you assholes.
I wasn't talking to you, just so you know that.
Sometimes, I get these psychotic tendencies.
*twitch*
You know, I was really psyched to go into space.
I wanted to find out if I could see Justin's newly inflated ego from up there.
Since, he's all solo and crap now, he thinks he's God or something.
Or Michael Jackson.
Or Elvis.
I guess there really isn't a difference among the three.
Traitor.
EAT MY ASS MOMMYLOVER
I hope Michael Jackson kicks his ass.
Or hits on him.
Either way, they're both just as bad.
Did you hear about the 8 million dollar "penis compensator" Timberwigger bought?
Yeah it's over in Hollywood Hills.
My trip to space costs more than his house..err.. penis compensator.
Like 2.5 times more.
But oh yeah, that's right.
Pepsi couldn't pay up.
Hell, if they can't even afford to keep Shakira's roots done, I should have known better.
I was doomed from the beginning.
And RadioShak?
BA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... who are they?
Oh YEAH, now I remember!
They're the dildoids who wouldn't pay up.
EAT MY ASS
So Jackal Timberjackson wants to show Britney how blingin' he is.
I heard she gave the finger to a bunch of Mexicans while she was on tour.
WOW, now there's a switch!
Giving the finger instead of getting fingered!
Who's she gonna piss off next?
She's already screwed around with the Queen of England's grandson.
I guess you could say she was royally fucked.
And she said in an interview that Canada was "overseas."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dumb blonde bitch.
EAT MY ASS
Speaking of ass...
I still can't believe Justin gave up that piece of ass.
Mmm mmm mmm
It's like the J.Lo and Puffy breakup.
Except the gender was reversed.
And so was the race.
And so was the music.
Well not so much anymore since Justin got all ghetto-fied.
EAT MY ASS
See, there I go again.
Not you.
It's not that I'm bitter, really.
Hey why don't you go take a look at my company's website.
FreeLance Entertainment www.freelanceent.com
Or don't, since it hasn't been updated in like 14 years.
It still says on there that Meredith Edwards is part of FLE.
She's now completely split from my company.
Gone.... gone....gone...girl yuh gone....
I guess I wasn't good enough for ya, huh bitch?
EAT MY ASS
So Joey's doing his own thang now.
And he had a hit with that Big Fat Ugly Lardass Greek Mafia Wedding Porn movie.
And from what I read in the Russian GLAM mags (and I can understand them now, since I know a little bit of Russian), Joey's on Broadway now too.
So, between movies, talk shows, and Broadway, when do you think he gets to see his daughter?
And all of his other children.
(C'mon you KNOW there are others.)
And Chris has a receding hairline and ugly glasses.
JC stole Justin's fro and grew a mullet.
And he's putting out a solo project.
And he's copying ME by making a guest appearance on a WB show.
EAT MY ASS
Who knows what else (or who else) JC is doing.
Oh yeah....he came to visit me in Houston while I was training.
I took him around the block in my space capsule.
Then he pissed me off just by existing, so I made him leave.
You know the Russians dropped me in the middle of the wilderness, right?
They claimed it was a survival test to make sure I could fend for myself.
They wanted to make sure I wouldn't get eaten alive by squid and bears or some crap like that.
They also made me do these gravity tests where they spin you around so many times that you pass out and puke on yourself.
I don't know why they did that.
They all laughed at me.
I don't need this!
I AM A NASA SPACE CAMP GRADUATE, DAMMIT!!!!
They could have given me a whole case of Mike's to drink at one time and they would have gotten the same result.
I personally think it was all part of a diabolical plan of the Russians to off me.
Hey, wait a minute...
Is Wade Russian?
EAT MY ASS.
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