One day, Justin Timberlake stared into his five, full length mirrors and said:

"Day-um, boy, you be fiiiine. No wonder all these fly honeys want 'dis. Look at 'dis azz. Nobody got 'dis azz. 'Dis be the one an' only Timba-lake azz, yo. All 'dem hunnies want a piece of it, but they can't have it, yo. And I think that homo Lance be wantin' a piece of it too, yo. All 'dem homos want a piece of 'dis azz. But that's messed up, yo. Only 'dem fly hunnies gets a piece of 'dis.

"And look at my fly JRT necklace, yo. It be what all 'dem other guys want. But, yo, ah told Joey that JAF just looked gay, yo. Only the Justin Timba-lake can pull off this fly look.

"Check out my fine hair. Ain't no one got 'dem curls, yo. It's what all the hunnies be after. 'Cuz it ain't nothin' but an Afro, yo! Hey! That be a song idea, yo. I'd better write that down…"

"You are perfect. Only you are perfect. You must be perfect. You must keep going. You must make sure everyone else is perfect. Everyone else must be just like you: perfect. If they are not, you must give them nasty looks.

"If Lance breaks the car, then give him a nasty look.

"If Justin talks when you have something to say, give him a look that could kill the egotistical, self-centered basta- I mean, the, uh, great guy that is like a brother to you.

"If Chris announces that he needs to refill his Viagra prescription, give him a look like you are about the throw up your last meal.

"If Joey hits on your mom, again, don't just look at him, pounce on him.

"Only you are perfect, JC. Everyone must be like you."

"I wonder if this eye shadow will match my new shirt. The color seems to compliment it very nicely.

"Maybe I should put this stuff away. I don't want anyone to catch me wearing make-up…again. Last time they caught me, it was just awful. They teased me for days and days and-

"Oh, now I'm crying. Oh, my mascara is running. Oh, I knew I should have bought the water-proof shit.

"Oh my goodness! I cursed! Oh, mother would be so disappointed! Not many people in Mississippi curse. That's just how we are down in Mississippi. Mother always said that I shouldn't curse in front of anyone, or else I might give Mississippi a bad name. But how could Mississippi ever get a bad name? We're all like family down there!

"Now, I should clean up my face I don't want to be late. To be…to be…Toby? Toby! *breaks into sobs* Toby, I miss you so much! Why did you have to go to horse heaven? I was gonna build a ranch for you in Mississippi. We were going to be so happy…"

"Damn, she was good. Almost as good as my mom's pasta. Speaking of food…I think I have some skittles under my pillow. Yes! I found 'em.

"I know the guys think I need to lose some weight, but I figure the more I eat, the more of me there is to love!

"Speaking of love, my heart's been weird lately. Almost like the blood pressure or something is wrong. Lance is getting his panties all in twist because he thinks I'm close to having a heart attack. But, I told him that I eat healthy everyday. Like, last night, I hate three baked potatoes with tons of butter and sour cream. It was really good!

"I wonder what time it is. Oh man! Why did I buy a watch that has the circle with numbers around it? Ok, I'll look at the other clock.

"I wonder if I'm late for my appointment at the clinic. Well, it's ok if I am. They said I could come in anytime. That one nurse is really hot. Maybe I should call her and tell her that I'm too sick to come to the clinic, and she should come here…to give me a sponge bath!

"Damn, Joey! Where do you come up with these ideas? You're like one of those really smart people. What are they called again? Generous? Guinness? Whatever, you're just totally smart.

"But, not a smart as Justin. Noooo! Justin's the smart one. Justin's the cute one. Justin's the one that really gets all the girls. Justin's the one that always gets to stand in front...

"Hey! I'm outta skittles…Now, where did I put those M&M's?"

"Where the hell are my dreads? Oh, oh. I guess I just forgot that I cut them off. I seem to be forgetting a lot these days. But, I think it's just our schedule.

"Yeah, it's our schedule…I think I'll start saying schedule like the British. Sshhe-dule…sshhe-dule…HaHaHaHa…Kirkpatrick, you are the funniest man alive. You are the most hilarious…hilarious…guy….

"Ok! Ok! I'm up…I just drifted off to sleep. At least nobody put make-up on me and died my hair blue…Hey! Now there's an idea! I can wait until Lance is asleep and put some really humiliating blue dye in his hair and then put make-up all over him. Kirkpatrick, you, my friend, are a genius.

"Let's see…what else can I do to embarrass the guys? Oh! I know! I can hypnotize Justin into thinking he's black…yeah, that would work…oh, wait. Damn!!! I forgot…Justin already thinks he's black…hm; maybe I can convince him that cornrows would look totally cool on him. It's perfect! I'll tell him that he would look 'fly' with cornrows in his hair, but he really won't, and then all his fans will hate him and come flocking to me!!! Yesss!!!

"Kirkpatrick…you've done it again…you are so under appreciated in this group…but remember, you do get love!! Ok, so it's from my dogs, but it's something!"