"In 30 days you can be on the road to a firmer, fitter body, thanks to Mel's customized exercise plan, designed in conjunction with the guys of NSYNC! Follow this fool proof guide and we guarantee results"
Day 2: Pick up your activity level a bit and give those muscles in your fingers a wake up call! Call up ALL of your friends and type 50 emails as fast as you can, bragging to everyone about your concert seats.
Day 3: Take a brisk walk around the mall. Buy the tightest, sluttiest clothes you can find for the concert. After all, Justin just may spot you and whisk you away to his private estate and ask you to marry him! You want to look your best, don't you? Buy body glitter, tattoos, and glue on jewels. If you do this, you will be burning calories and money simultaneously... wow!!!
Day 4: Exercise your hips and thighs by doing repeated pelvic thrusts. For the FULL effect you can put on tight red glitter pants and shove a hot dog in the front, but that's only if you're really brave!
Day 5: Go for a run on top of a slow moving train. Then run down an empty corridor while being chased by wild dogs. This will get your rear in gear!
Day 6: Take it easy today. Make yourself an NSYNC necklace, or spell out your favorite NSYNC member's name by gluing elbow macaroni onto a paper plate.
Day 7: Give your mouth a little exercise by making out with your screen printed pillowcase that showcases your favorite NSYNC member. Practice makes perfect! *wink*
Day 8: Exercise your abs by laughing till snot comes out of your nose. The best way to achieve this is to watch all of their old videos and appearances. God, what dorks they were. The other way to achieve this is by laughing at that OTHER girl you know who thinks she's going to marry Justin. LOL, what a moron. I mean, hellloooo, everyone knows YOU are going to marry him, right? Haha, all those other teenies are like, soo clueless.
Day 9: Do some resistance training by doing some pushups. For extra encouragement, you can place a picture of NSYNC under you and each time you lower yourself to the ground, place a kiss on the picture. Wow, what great positive reinforcement.
Day 10: Reward yourself for all your hard work by relaxing. Invite over your curly haired guy friend. Tell him you want to experiment with a new hairstyle. Shave his head and watch the fun begin.
Day 11: Drag out your tapes of live performancess (you know you have some) and memorize ALL the choreography. Dance to it for an hour. Don't worry about how stupid you look trying to learn it.
Day 12: Climb on the treadmill and break into a run. To make your workout even more fun, dress up in a Digital Getdown costume like the guys did in the No Strings Attached tour! Just don't trip and fall on your face.
Day 13: Get your friends involved in your workout! Get together with your gal pals and make up a cheesy cheer and dance routine. Send it to Carson Daly with hopes of it being on TRL along with all the other dumbasses shown at the end of the show.
Day 14: Repeat day 11 and add the challenge of learning the dance to "Pop." Dress up like Joey to see if you're more convincing than Wade J Robson is in the video.
Day 15: Uh oh, you just found out one of the guys has a *gasp* girlfriend. Tone up your arms by taking out your frustrations by ripping down all of your NSYNC posters in a fit of rabid fury. Damn those GROWN men for actually having a sex drive and a LIFE.
Day 16: Do nothing. NSYNC sucks. Men suck. How could you have ever liked them? Don't they know they're supposed to date you instead? Start liking 98 Degrees for about 2 hours. Cry yourself to sleep.
Day 17: You realize you don't hate NSYNC anymore. Tone your arms up again by taping up new pinups of them on your wall (to replace the ones you tore down, of course)
Day 18: Make your workout interesting! Jump directly on another girl and get into a roll-in-the-dirt, hair-pullin, nail-scratchin, cat fight after hearing her say "NSYNC is so gay, LFO is so much better"
Day 19: Wake up and start running through your house screaming like your ass is on fire. I mean, after all, the concert IS in 11 days. Repeat this spontaneously throughout the day.
Day 20: Instead of exercising your body, exercise your mind! Log on to the Internet and find some NSYNC humor sites. Write grammatically poor emails in ALL CAPS telling the editors that they suck and are mean and that JC is not on drugs. Get your groupie gal pals to sign the guestbook using the very same grammatically incorrect style.
Day 22: Attempt to win backstage passes by entering an NSYNC choreography contest held by your local radio station. Withdraw from the competition when you realize just how bad of a dancer you are. At least you got your heart rate up!
Day 23: You deserve a rest. Watch "Making the Tour" on DVD and memorize all the lines. Overanalyze every little thing they say. Take notes and make comparisons. Decide that there is a hidden meaning and there is something they're not telling us.
Day 24: Take up hackey sack. After all, NSYNC does it... and if Joey can do it, you KNOW that you can.
Day 25: Take part in a little street basketball for some major cardio conditioning. To make it interesting, scream "Somebody's touching my butt!" during random parts of the game.
Day 26: Get a total body workout by decorating the car you'll be riding in to the concert with NSYNC paraphernalia. Stumped for ideas? Try writing their names on your car with window paint and putting pinups of their faces in the windows.
Day 27: Find their hotel and proceed to chase after them and scream like a flippin' idiot if you see them. This really gets your heart rate going and REALLY makes them want you........ (to go away)
Day 28: Go to your concert. Run, don't walk, to your seats! I mean, there's only TWO whole hours to the show, why waste time? Jump up and down like an electrocuted spider monkey for another 2 hours. For extra cardio workout, wave your arms around in the air senselessly. And don't worry about looking stupid. 30 thousand other fans are most likely doing the same exercise regimen you are. Therefore, you all look "in synch" *generic television chuckle*
Day 29: Give yourself the day off. Take a bath (you smell), sleep, watch some more of your NSYNC tapes.
Day 30: Sadness sets in due to the realization that the concert is over. Mope around all day and eat like a starved cow, spoiling your 29 days of hard work. Way to go! You made it!
Day 1: Start out really slowly by standing in line for concert tickets ALL day. (Sleeping on a cold marble floor in the mall overnight may be substituted)
