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PEACE, LOVE & BASS
}><O>


Board of Editors:

BexXx Holly Mel Ly

Cool People that Help us:
Brooke, "J", "Jams", & the rest of da crew...who helps me just by bein' mah friend! Love y'all!!!!!

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Howdy!
And WELCOME to the first issue of "Peace, Love & Bass"
I'm not gonna take long on my intro here, cause I want to get straight to the funny stuff.

First of all, I want to apologize for my layout just all around SUCKING for this issue...If anyone has any good ideas for a layout, PLEASE Email me!

But before all that...I want to make a little DISCLAIMER on behalf of myself and the other editors of this here `zine...

THIS IS HUMOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing...and I mean NOTHING that we say in here is to be taken seriously...We love *Nsync just as much as the next guy...(And the guy beside him for that matter!) And we don't mean any harm by our ramblings.
If of course, you do have any Complaints...you can mail them here
The content of this newsletter might contain vulgar language, sexual content, or other content that might be considered unsuitable for some readers...Please keep this in mind.
If reading this warning has made you change your mind, Please feel free to UNSUBBY, "No Strings Attached"

But...if you're in the mood to laugh til stuff comes outta yer nose...

READ ON!!!!!!!!

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When Teenies ATTACK!

(Could also be titled: "JC or not JC?")
This section of the newsletter is dedicated to those *Nsync fans out there that make the rest of us look bad...The "Teenie".
The following excerpt is from a conversation that one of my friends had with one of these poor gullible souls...
Keep in mind...NEVER did my friend say that he WAS JC...(He didn't deny it either...but hey, who's counting errors?)
I will call our Teenie friend "MizGullible" because hell, that's what she is!
And as for my friend? Because I stand in TOTAL AWE of his skills at convincing this girl that he is JC...I shall call him "NextBestThing".
Remember: No one EVER told this person that he was a member of *Nsync...She came to her OWN conclusions...
My smartass comments are in italics ( )...They were added AFTER the conversation took place.
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!!!!

MizVulnerable: ok i'm bored off my booty! and i can't sleep (i'm lame yes i know!) humor me puh-lease! (Okay, I want to title this "What NOT To Say When You Think You're Talking To JC...just by this comment ALONE!)
Nextbestthing: how sweetie?
MizVulnerable: i dunno! make a joke? (Oooh...Oooh...I got one...THE JOKE'S ON YOU SWEETIE! lolol!)
Nextbestthing: a joke?
Nextbestthing: Chris? (Ba-Dum-Dum!)
Nextbestthing: lol
MizVulnerable: lol
MizVulnerable: that was a good one! lol (*rolls eyes* Yeah "JC" tell another!)
Nextbestthing: thank you
MizVulnerable: ::::gives standing obation::::::: ("OBATION???")
MizVulnerable: (i'm a bad speller!) (Yes...yes you are!)
MizVulnerable: lol
Nextbestthing: it's ok
MizVulnerable: by the way i changed n sync to my 2nd fave band (*Writes down this comment as yet ANOTHER "Thing NOT To Say When You Think You're Talking To JC Chasez")
Nextbestthing: after who? (Is that jealousy I sense?)
MizVulnerable: my new fave = Old Town! LOL! (Atleast she didn't say "Backstreet Boys!" I'll give her that much...)
Nextbestthing: lol
MizVulnerable: they were awesome!
MizVulnerable: when was that filmed? cuz i know it wasnt today! (What gave you the clue?)
Nextbestthing: the Teen Choice Awards?
MizVulnerable: yeah
Nextbestthing: no, they were taped a few months back (Last month...but okay.)
MizVulnerable: do u ever regret what u do for a living? like because u really have no time for ur personal life? (Yes, he regrets being a millionaire...)
Nextbestthing: not one bit sweetie
Nextbestthing: i love what i do (And it's SAVED by "JC"!!!!!! The crowd goes WILD!!!!)
Nextbestthing: i mean i would give for more personal time , but do not regret anything (Stands in awe...He's too good at this...)
MizVulnerable: but i bet it must be hard for u and bobbee to manage.... i mean i give her a lot of props for being patient (10 points to the teenie for bringing up the girlfriend, Bob...)
Nextbestthing: she comes with me to whatever i do as often as she can (Yeah, especially the hotel room...*winkwink* *nudgenudge*)
MizVulnerable: i mean if i were datin my dream guy (Lance) i'd be like James Lance Bass you better get your booty shaking all around over here and gimme some time with you before you go to all those half naked girls out there! (*Writes MORE in her "Things NOT To Say" list...* WHY tell him your fave is Lance? Is this supposed to IMPRESS him????)
MizVulnerable: lol
Nextbestthing: lol (Altogether now..."lol")
MizVulnerable: what does she do for a living?
MizVulnerable: like work? (She's JC's girlfriend...DUH!)
MizVulnerable: or school?
Nextbestthing: she works for a magazine
MizVulnerable: is that how u met her? (No...she was dating Justin and he stole her from him...)
Nextbestthing: ever heard of J-14?
Nextbestthing: yes it is
MizVulnerable: yup...... i love that mag (*She pats her trusty pile of J-14's next to the computer.*)
Nextbestthing: she writes an editorial for them (Don't you just wanna whisper.."Psst...hey JC...she writes an ADVICE COLUMN!"?)
MizVulnerable: it's sooooo cute that once i started askin about her u talked more.... it shows u care about her!
MizVulnerable: aw!!!!!
Nextbestthing: awwww (One more time y'all with feeling..."Awwww!")
Nextbestthing: so you enjoy the mag huh?
MizVulnerable: yuppers
Nextbestthing: have you ever read Bobbi's Buzz? (*whispers again* "She goes by "Bobbee" in the magazine!!!")
MizVulnerable: to tell ya the truth.... i have never actually read an article
MizVulnerable: but i'll look through it (That's because before she can read the articles she puts darts through all the pictures of Bobbi...)
Nextbestthingv: ohhh i see you are a picture woman? (Good call! Who buys those things for the articles anyway???? That's like reading Playboy for the articles...sheesh!)
Nextbestthing: that is her article
MizVulnerable: hhhhmmm now u got me all curious
MizVulnerable: can i ask u a ? (Has it stopped you so far?)
Nextbestthing: sure
MizVulnerable: i wanna know if she's the one in this pic.... lemme send it.......
Nextbestthing: ok
MizVulnerable: u got mail
MizVulnerable: now i have to get a bucket so i can drool.... damn that guy looks mighty fine! lol (She's prolly lookin at a picture of Lance...)
Nextbestthing: lol
MizVulnerable: so is it her?
Nextbestthing: that sure is her
MizVulnerable: she's pretty!!!! (Oh, so she's BLIND too...)
MizVulnerable: (don't think i swing that way though! ) (Good save!)
MizVulnerable: lol
Nextbestthing: i do not think that (I do.)
Nextbestthing: lol
MizVulnerable: she's got some nice hair too! (She found one saving grace...Gotta give her props for that...)
MizVulnerable: you have extermely good taste! (This is the part I like to call, "Suck up to the Superstar!")
MizVulnerable: i mean i can admit when a girl is pretty and compliment her a lot!
Nextbestthing: well thank you for the compliment (Like JC has something to do with Bobbie's looks...I sure hope not!)
MizVulnerable: she's got a mighty FINE man on her hands too may i add! (And she's STILL sucking up...)
MizVulnerable: lol
MizVulnerable: sorry i'm just tryin to make ya blush! lol (I bet it worked too.)
Nextbestthing: well thank you again
MizVulnerable: ur welcome muchos (Oooh...and bilingual!)
MizVulnerable: u've got me all curious about her!
MizVulnerable: i mean i never hear about her.... tell me about her if ya don't mind!
Nextbestthing: what would you like to know sweetie. i would be more than happy to tell you about her ("Well...she looks like a horse...")
MizVulnerable: gosh i dunno!
MizVulnerable: lol
MizVulnerable: how long have u guys been together? (Our "JC" searches thru HIS copies of J-14 for the answer...)
Nextbestthing: almost 2 years
MizVulnerable: wow
MizVulnerable: do u love her? (Wow...That's a bit personal isn't it?)
MizVulnerable: sorry i shouldnt have asked
Nextbestthing: do i love her?
Nextbestthing: yes you could say that i do (If keeping her around for the sex is love...then hell yeah! He loves her!)

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*Nsync Preschool
Ever think about the guys of *Nsync as preschool teachers? No???
Well we did...
This is what we think would happen if each of the guys taught their own class of impressionable youngsters...

Our first instalment was written by my dear friend Brooke.
And I think you will agree...it's funny as all hell!! Thanks a MILLION Brooklyn! *MUAH!*

ENJOY! =)

JOEY'S PRESCHOOL CLASS:





9:01am - Monday morning

The class was sitting on thier special blue *think* mats as Joey Fatone nervously shuffled into the room, adjusting his tie that was getting tighter by the minute. He takes off his coat and undoes his scarf as he smiles nervously...no response. All the little 3 and 4 year olds sat indian style, elbows on thier knees and thier chins planted firmly in thier palms.

"Good Morning, class.....My name is---" Joey suddenly notices 2 hands shoot up in the air, stopping his introduction before it even got off the ground. He points to a little boy with a fountain of red hair and tons of freckles, the one waving his hand in the air as if his life depended on it. "Yes?? Your name is..."

"Billy...." The young boy trails off as he collects his thoughts, "Where is Mrs. Butabi??"

"No, my isn't Billy...MY NAME is Joey...but you can just call me....Joe...I think...Is it ok for you to call your teachers by thier first names??" He looks around the class, and he gets nothing.

Billy raises his hand again, and Joe nods to him. "No, Mr. Joey MY NAME is Billy..." Joe just stares blankly at the little boy, more confused then ever.

"Uhh...what did you ask me?? where is....oh yeah, MZ. Butabi is out sick today and I am your substitute teacher...So..." he looks around for a blackboard. He finds one that is so short it comes up to his knees. He takes a piece of HUGE colored *sidewalk* chalk and begins writing his name on the miniature board. He is crouched over and his face is turning redder by the minute.

Billy, the same little boy from the beginning, comes up to tap Joe on the shoulder....but ends up tapping him on the ass cause he can't reach his shoulder. Joey jumps up and in the process knocks a bunch of chalk off the board and onto the floor, where it crumples into a million pieces. Joe's face turns 3 shades of red.

"Um...Hi Billy...What's going on?? Why aren't you sitting down like the rest of the class??" Joe glares at him and then looks over and gives the rest of the class his best nervous fake smile.

"Because...dummy...the REAL chalkboard is behind the map here..." Billy goes over and pulls a string. The map shoots up into the compartment, making a very loud noise. The noise was so loud that Joe instinctively stepped back, missing his footing, falling ass first onto the "arts and crafts" table, breaking it in half. The whole class burst into hysterical laughter.

"I'M OKAY!!! I'm okay!! *mumbles under his breath* as if any of you brats give a sh*t..." Joey looks up, after the dust has cleard and notices the beautiful, shiney chalkboard he had been looking for all along.

Joe attempts to get up and then sees a small hand in his line of vision. "Would you like some help, Mr. Joe??" Joe starts to say something but decides to politely decline the little boy's help.

"Thanks, Billy, but that won't be necessary. And it's not MR. Joe...It's JUST Joe...ok??"

Billy nods, "Ok....Just Joe." He snickers, causing the rest of the class to break out in hysterical laughter. Billy hurries back to his mat, after getting high fives from all of his friends.

Joe rubs his head and his neck, "Oh this is going to be the longest day of MY LIFE!!!" he screams silently to himself.

"So do you guys have reces--" Just as the words come out of his mouth, he hears a bell in the hallway, signaling something. And just as he turns to address the class, he sees them all hurriedly going to thier respective cubbies and getting thier coats and things. "Oh c'mon I can't be that bad...I'm just having a bad morn---"

Just then Billy yells to his posse, "The last one to the jungle gym is a rotten egg...." and with that all the boys peel out of the room and run outside, almost trampling Joey.

He yells after them, "Don't you have the buddy system?? Am I supposed to supervise or will you be ok by yourselves??" They are very far away at this point, much too far to even know what Joey is saying.

A couple of girls take thier time, and skip out of the room, hand in hand. And then there is one little girl, with dark curly brown hair, who is in there all by herself, with no partner. She is donned in a pink snow jacket and matching gloves.

"Joe...will you be my playground partner??" She holds out her small gloved hand for him.

He looks at her, and melts. "Yeah, sweetheart...Of course I will..." He goes to get his coat and scarf. He takes her hand and they walk towards the playground, hand in hand. "Soooo....did you know that if I were a dog, you and I would be the same age?? You got a boyfriend??" She shakes her head, blushing and very embarrassed and runs off ahead of him to go play with her friends.

**THE END**

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Random Ramblings
By:
@}-,-,-,----- @}-,-,-,----- BexXx @}-,-,-,----- @}-,-,-,----

Just recently, I went to the mall, okay? I go in there like once or twice a month to see what new *Nsync stuff has come out. (Can I just say that I'm totally ENRAGED that Justin is the only one that gets his own calendar? C'mon people, what about us LANCE fans????) I went into Sam Goody (A music store for those of you who aren't familiar with it.) and lo and behold, there before me...the *Nsync marrionettes! *Insert choruses of "Hallelujah" here*

I see Justin's doll, and was surprised that it was still on the shelf...most things Justin Timberlake tend to disappear from store shelves like water bottles during a drought. The doll is nice looking enough, even tho his hair DOES look something like spaghetti-o's.

I would like to suggest to the creators of these dolls some possible "Accessories" to go along with them...For Justin these might include...

* Miniature hand mirror, tiny little hair-pick, and a bottle of "Afro-sheen"
* Doll sized Mercedes M-Class. (Remote controlled of course!)
* Bandana's in a rainbow of colors. (And one for you to wear too!)


Then to the Chris doll...I really have no complaints about it...other than it looks like they dressed him up as a mechanic.

I think the Chris doll should come with...

* A doll version of Busta (Because what is Chris without Busta?)
* A plastic tree (To give Chris something to look at!)
* It's own clothing line (For the better dressed doll Nsync fans everywhere!)


Joey's doll, as far as I'm concerned, looks the most like him...But will you notice in the pic how his legs are spread? Was this a subliminal message sent to us by the makers of these dolls? Don't tell me that even THEY know he's a man-whore!

The Joey doll's accessories should include:

* A package of doll-sized condoms *Thanks momma!* ;)
* His very own portable paternity test kit!
* Doll band-aids (Cause we know that Joey's a klutz...why wouldn't his doll be?)




Now, I already knew what the Lance doll looked like...I pre-ordered one when I first heard they were coming out. I still haven't gotten it in the mail yet *growls at Nsync direct* But I should be getting it soon...It doesn't really look like him much, but being the Lance fiend I am...I would pay 24.99 for that little picture on the side of the box of him ALONE.

Here's what I think should come with Lance's doll:

* A doll version of Toby (So that Toby can live forever! Atleast in plastic-form)
* His own little kaboodle! (To keep himself looking beautiful!)
* A cell-phone. (Lance is never without it...why should the doll be?)



The one that really cracks me up tho...is the JC doll. Doesn't he bear a STRIKING resemblence to Fred Flintstone? (See pic to the side)
The JC doll should come complete with:

* His own bed.
* A little plastic crack pipe.
* A mixing board. (So that dolly-JC can make music just like the real thing!)

Now, I'm an "older" fan. So I can remember back when NKOTB released THEIR set of dolls. It was great...my Barbie collection could actually DATE the New Kids...But I bet that the Nsync fans, who still play with Barbies, which of course isn't me...*Hides her Malibu Barbie and brush under the desk* are really pretty pissed right now.

These *Nsync dolls have STRINGS on them...Okay boys...what about the whole "NO Strings Attached" thing? How do you expect the Britney Spears doll to go on a date with the Justin doll if he won't fit into the Dream Corvette?

So, needless to say, when my Lance doll FINALLY arrives, I'll be taking scissors to the strings. That way, my Malibu Barbie can live out all my torrid fantasies with Lance's plastic counterpart.

That's enough of my ramblings for this ish...but if you have anything that you would like me to cover, please feel free to Email me! =)

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Now Go Check out Page 2
For More Laughs! ; )