I am sitting here in awe...This is probably the most BLATANT display of teenyism I have EVER witnessed...
Last week's article was bad enough...I thought that our friend the Chris-poser had found the Queen of all teenies...HOWEVER...I humbly stuck my foot in my mouth when I recieved this weeks conversation!
Read on...but prepare yourself...you can almost HEAR the squealing!


ICantSpell: are you joey ftaone? (No, but he MIGHT be Joey FATONE!)
ICantSpell: hello?
BIGBONEDFatone: who...me? (No, the OTHER guy in the PRIVATE IM! duh!!!!)
ICantSpell: yeah
ICantSpell: whats ur last name
BIGBONEDFatone: i don't know if i should tell you.... (ooooh MYSTERIOUS! lol!)
ICantSpell: i can keep a scret (Maybe, but you sure as hell can't type!)
ICantSpell: secret*
ICantSpell: you can trust me!! i swear it!!!
ICantSpell: not really swearing LOL (Yes you are...you're sitting there going "OH SHIT IT'S JOEY FTAONE!")
BIGBONEDFatone: if i tell you my last name.....
BIGBONEDFatone: you cant go crazy or ballistic on me, because i get a lot of ladies who just cant handle it, ya know? (Oh trust me "Joey"...I can "handle it"! *Wink wink* *Nudge nudge*)
ICantSpell: yea
ICantSpell: i wont
ICantSpell: i am not hyper ok ok
ICantSpell: lmao lol sike (**hides from the scary teenybopper under the table**)
ICantSpell: k k (Why does she tend to repeat herself????)
ICantSpell: wait (For the love of GOD girl! RELAX!!!!!!!!!!!!)
BIGBONEDFatone: ::waiting::
ICantSpell: lol
ICantSpell: lmao
ICantSpell: how ol d ru again.....sorry...i'm soooososososososos listening to bye bye bye (Eesh...this chick needs Ritalin!!!!)
BIGBONEDFatone: 23
ICantSpell:: k
BIGBONEDFatone: ready?
ICantSpell: yea
BIGBONEDFatone: fatone........
ICantSpell: k
ICantSpell: thanx (::Insert sounds of high pitched screaming and "OMG's" here::)
BIGBONEDFatone: welcome
ICantSpell: brb listenin 2 the beat box
ICantSpell: thisis the human beat box
ICantSpell: bass hit me
ICantSpell: lol
(Um, notice how Joey Fatone has NO effect on her???? She's all like "brb, I gotta listen to Justin!!!")
BIGBONEDFatone: heh
ICantSpell: lmao
ICantSpell: u 4got the other e
BIGBONEDFatone: e (There, he remembered the other e!)
ICantSpell: all the peol eover hre (Say WHAT??????)
ICantSpell: ho wwe feelin down there
ICantSpell: hey what r u doin
ICantSpell: no i was b-bopin
BIGBONEDFatone: beat boxin
BIGBONEDFatone: not b bopin (Tell her "Joey!")
ICantSpell: u when call me out
ICantSpell: lets battle 123 battle (WTF is this? "Say Shut Up Karaoke?" *Thanks for the quote, Helen!*)
ICantSpell: i know, i just felt likee puttin b bopin, any real juju fan would know what he says, right? (Oh yeah...just like any REAL *Nsync fan would be talking to Joey about Justin!)
BIGBONEDFatone: jus lettin ya know (Now look, you hurt his feelings! Bad teeny! No Vanilla flavored Justin Lip Balm for you!!!!)
ICantSpell: iSOOOO hyper....uh uh uh timba lake (**beats head against nearest wall**)
BIGBONEDFatone: it's ok we all get a little excited sometimes
ICantSpell: i knowi knowthe words
ICantSpell: u liek the backsnot boys (WILL YOU PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH????)
BIGBONEDFatone: no comment
BIGBONEDFatone: although nick is pretty steamy
BIGBONEDFatone: j/k (lololololol!!!!!!!!!)
ICantSpell: ok
ICantSpell: do u like them
ICantSpell: yea or no (**teeny shines bright light in "Joey's" eyes.** ANSWER THE DAMNED QUESTION!!!!!!!!!)
BIGBONEDFatone: im nuetral
ICantSpell: k
BIGBONEDFatone: you?
ICantSpell: NO WAY!!!!!!! OMG!!! (ACK! LIKE FER SURE, OKAY????)
BIGBONEDFatone: why not?
ICantSpell: casue why don t u like them (Okay, that's not a reason...)
BIGBONEDFatone: its not that i dont like them, i respect what they do, but you know, i got my reasons
ICantSpell: K, FINE, dont tell me then (Umm...didn't he just tell you?)
ICantSpell: i am puttin you on my buddy list
ICantSpell: k (In other words, she's sending out a mass email entitled "I HAVE JOEY'S S/N!!!!!!)
BIGBONEDFatone: ok
BIGBONEDFatone: me too
BIGBONEDFatone: !!! (Yeah...*chuckle* Riiiiiight!)

(Ok, this was about 2 hours later....As if our brave "Joey" hadn't had ENOUGH torture...One of "ICantSpell's" little teeny minions decided to pay him a little visit via IM...Just a warning...Don't drink anything while you read this part...you'll end up spitting it out your nose!)

LilMissFootInMouth: Joey???????
LilMissFootInMouth: Hello???
LilMissFootInMouth: Joey Fatone from nsync???? (Just in case he thought she had him mixed up with Joey MCINTYRE...or Joey from FRIENDS...right? Right.)
BIGBONEDFatone: Yes? That's me......
LilMissFootInMouth: OMG!!!!! MY friend told me that you were Joey!!!!! (Niiiiice...she must have gotten that mass email!)
LilMissFootInMouth: I can't believe this!!!! (Me either!!!! Gullibility is an awesome thing, isn't it????)
BIGBONEDFatone: me either.......(See? Even "Joey" agrees!)
LilMissFootInMouth: hi, me and my friend are here...i told her you were joey fat one (Ohhhhh Shit!)
LilMissFootInMouth: fatone* oops (Excuse me...I can't type right now...I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I'M CRYING!!!!!!!!)
LilMissFootInMouth: OMG WE ARE SOOO BLUSHING, because you really aren't fat at all, you just have big boners (::BexXx falls out of her chair and rolls on the floor for half an hour.:: TELL ME she didn't just say "You have big BONERS"?!!?!?)
BIGBONEDFatone: um....
BIGBONEDFatone: haha (::BexXx is struggling to breathe::)
LilMissFootInMouth: oops *bones!!!
LilMissFootInMouth: OMG!!!!!!
LilMissFootInMouth: MY BROTHER JUST TOLD ME WHAT A BONER IS!!! (Like you DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!! BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
LilMissFootInMouth: we are so embarrassed
LilMissFootInMouth: don't hate us!!! omg!!! i hope lance isnt there watching this! (No...but JOEY is...remember JOEY...that guy from NSYNC????)
LilMissFootInMouth: helllllloooo???? you are just big boned.....
BIGBONEDFatone: it's ok....spelling mistakes.....i don't hate you. i could never hate a fan (Hate? Prolly not...LAUGH LIKE HELL AT? DEFINITELY!)
LilMissFootInMouth: lol
LilMissFootInMouth: oh you are so cute anthony (Anthony? Did she just forget who he is again?)
LilMissFootInMouth: is lance there? (**Holds up big sign that says** "HELLO??? YOU ARE TALKING TO JOEY FATONE!")
BIGBONEDFatone: um....he's in the bathroom
LilMissFootInMouth: oh, is he ok? (Trust me...if he's in the bathroom for any amount of time...he's just FINE!)
BIGBONEDFatone: yeah, im pretty sure he is ok, lol
LilMissFootInMouth: does he have a girlfriend? (OMG!!!!!!! **Stabs self in the eye with a pencil** I can't watch this chick humiliate herself anymore...)
BIGBONEDFatone: we all have friends who are girls
LilMissFootInMouth: because i will be 15 soon (Ohhh yeah baby! And we all know that Mister Lanciekins is into the prospect of JAIL TIME!!!! 15 Will Get You 30, Lance...15 Will Get You 30!)
LilMissFootInMouth: oh, i see
BIGBONEDFatone: :)
LilMissFootInMouth: are you going to be coming to boston anytime soon?
LilMissFootInMouth: tbecauses i live here and if you come here you can hook me up
LilMissFootInMouth: hook a sister up!!!!
LilMissFootInMouth: lol
BIGBONEDFatone: well, i don't know if we are going to boston....we went there last leg, but i send my love to the beans!!!! (LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)
LilMissFootInMouth: lmao
LilMissFootInMouth: lmao
BIGBONEDFatone: woaw, there dont get carried away
LilMissFootInMouth: im so excited about tlakingty to you! (She types as well as her friend does! lol!)
LilMissFootInMouth: can you tell lance that i think his hair nice and that i could mlet into his beautiful grey eyes (Ummm...aren't his eyes GREEN??? And just how does one go about "mleting"?)
BIGBONEDFatone: yeah, he says thank you very much and to stay n sync!
LilMissFootInMouth: ask him if he can call me and isng to me
LilMissFootInMouth: i would sooo freak out!!!!
LilMissFootInMouth: i would be like soooooo omg!! (Yeeeeah...that makes 2 of us...)
BIGBONEDFatone: well, our manager wont let us do that sort of thing....sorry
LilMissFootInMouth: i have cancer though....i might die one day and my last wish is for lance ass to sing to me...(Oh HAIL NO SHE DIDN'T! Thats just WRONG! =/ Oh, and she called him "Lance ASS" I have to agree with her on that atleast...)
BIGBONEDFatone: well, maybe we can work something out ok?
LilMissFootInMouth: iomg!!!!
LilMissFootInMouth: joey! you are on tv!
BIGBONEDFatone: really?
BIGBONEDFatone: what am i saying?
BIGBONEDFatone: do i look good? (LMAO!)
LilMissFootInMouth: you should see you!
LilMissFootInMouth: lance looks really hot (We're back to the Lance thing...**shakes head**)
LilMissFootInMouth: wooohoooodfng
BIGBONEDFatone: um...i have to go
LilMissFootInMouth: noooooooooo!!!!!!! NOOOO!!! (Yesssssssssss! YESSSSSSS! **realizes what she must sound like, and stops immediately**)
BIGBONEDFatone: e-mail me ok?
LilMissFootInMouth: no way (Say WHA???)
BIGBONEDFatone: why not?
LilMissFootInMouth: cause you wont e-mail me back, but only if lance bass emails me will i email you (Yeah...that's it! Deliver him an ultimatum...)
BIGBONEDFatone: lol alright, ill be talking to you later then ok?
LilMissFootInMouth: k
LilMissFootInMouth: bye joey!!!! i love you!!!! bye lancie!!!!!!!!!!!! a big kiss for you both hot boys!! omg!! (FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU WERE NOT TALKING TO LANCE ALRIGHT?????)
BIGBONEDFatone: stay n sync bye ladies
(Stares at the screen wide-eyed...Wondering if she should laugh or cry...)

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Ly's Contest Corner
Okay people, here we go!
*one more time, everybody's feelin' fine...whoops...sorry about that!*

I know you guys have been waiting patiently for the next contest to start.

*Just like the winner of the LAST contest is still waiting patiently for her prize. If TimberlakesButta@aol.com will PLEASE Email me, with her address I will happily get that out to you!*

But here's the dilly y'all...we're doing a contest that is going to have you running in CIRCLES! It's something of a Scavenger Hunt, and with our twisted minds...you KNOW it's going to be tough!

BUT! There is a ray of light shining through here...The prize itself is worth the effort, I must say.

The winner of this contest will become the proud owner of their very own *Nsync Marrionette! And what's better than that? You get to pick which one you want! Justin, JC, Lance, Joey, Chris? It's all up to you! (Though I'm sure Ly would reccomend going with the Justin one...lol)

Call us crazy! *Hears readers scream "You're Crazy!"* But we like to keep our subbies happy!

Now rather than waste space in the zine for those readers who DONT want to participate in the contest, we're going to run this contest thru Email. Yet another crazy plan, because I bet there's a bunch of you who will want to play.

All you have to do to sign up for the Scavenger hunt is Email me.
Please change the subject heading in your email to "Scavenger Hunt". You don't have to write anything in the email, I'll just take your name down and get you started.

And that's all there is to it my friends!

Just think - One of you is one step closer to your very own minature version of the *Nsyncer of your choice!
So get ta Emailin' people! It's gonna be a long, rough road ahead! =)

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Song Parody Of the Week
(Hey y'all this is BexXx...I would like to state my protest of this parody! lol! Just kidding! Mel and Holly did an awesome job! Mad Props you two!)


"I'm Not a Girl"



Sung to the tune of "Just a Girl" by No Doubt
Written by: Holly and Mel

Justin, take your hand off my thighs
Ya'll think I'm gay, and it's no big surprise
Kirkpatrick, I don't like how close to me you stand
And Joey's forcing me to hold his hand

Oh, I'm not a girl, don't think that of me
Just cause I like to line my eyes
Oh, I'm not a girl, I'm no superfreak
Although my jeans are really tight
Oh.....why do you call me queer?

They say the closet, is what I stepped outside
Which gives me reason, to want to run and hide
Can't do all those little things, I hold so dear
Like go shopping with the guys, or have a beer

Cause I'm not a girl
I don't wanna be
I won't drive ya to the gay bar tonight
Oh I'm not a girl, although I'm super-chic
I don't act feminine or at least I don't try







No I'm not a girl
Take a good look at me
Just your typical Mississippi guy
Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...I am not a queer!

I'm not a girl....
I'm not a girl in this world....
I have a deep voice don't you see?







No I'm not a girl, I'm male of the species
Though my makeup makes you think otherewise
I'm not a girl, don't call me "misses" please
I won't succumb to dating a guy

I'm not a girl, I don't get giggly
My composure is about to come undone
I'm not a girl, I'm sick of this you see
My masculinity is obvious I think

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh..I'm not a homo, dear!


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Picture of The Week




Joey: Look! I'm holding hands with Justin Timberlake! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Justin: Dammit Joey, Shut up! What's Britney gonna think of this? Damn, I'm ruined!

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Mel's Top Ten

"Show us your money!"

I've only been an NSync fan for about 3 months now, but I've noticed an EXCESS of pointless and/or just down right stupid merchandise. Here, I've compiled a list of the ten most ridiculous things I've seen. They are in no particular order, as they are all equally as dumb.

*~*~*Mel*~*~*

Tank and thong -- (Yes, this really exists, and yes it's official merchandise. Need I even go into details on this one? Why do people waste their money on crap like this. It's not like anyone is gonna see it. Furthermore, if you WERE going to wear it to show it off, everyone would laugh like hyenas at you. Spare me, already.)

Giant pencils -- (This is sad. What is useful about this? Can anyone tell me? All it is is a waste of one of our precious natural resources. And I hear from Kari that there are 5 different types of these? Give me a friggin break.)

Mini backpack -- (As some of you already know, they have these backpacks. But they're not just ordinary backpacks. They're "I Want You Backpacks." That has got to be the dumbest catch phrase ever created. To top it off, they're made out of this synthetic plastic crap that maybe will last you a week... if you're lucky.)

Locker Calendar -- (I don't know what school you go to, but where I go, I hardly have the time to stand at my locker and drool over NSync pictures. So, go on girl, you have geometry next hour, you need to learn about the pythageorean theorem.)

Singing poster -- (Okay... let me get this straight. It's a poster of NSync, with a little gadget embedded in it. You press it, it plays a clip of a song. Where is the logic in this? Wouldn't it be easier to just put on one of their CDs, and stare at your OWN posters? Because, admit it, you know you own at least 50.)

Weekly Engagement Calendar -- (Oh yes, the lovely "weekly engagement calendar". Since when did NSync become too good to call it a "weekly planner" like the rest of us out there?)

"I Love NSync" framed license plate -- (I would not put this on my car if you PAID ME. I would be scared for my life everytime I drove. You have to remember, not everyone in this world is very accepting of NSync (*cough*Backstreetfans*cough*) or their fans. So, if you should decide to buy this thing, I'd suggest you wear a helmet and a bulletproof vest each time you're in your car.)

Fake $20 backstage pass -- (I saw countless girls wearing these at the concert in Joliet. I'm sure they are just as popular elsewhere. Okay, this is just stupid. They could have taken that same 20 bucks and put it towards something useful, like upgrading their ticket. Gotta love the mentality of teenies.)

Body Tattoos -- (I can see it now:::::: "Lizzy, look! I'm putting Justin on my boobs! *GIGGLES* But look Sue, I have JC on my ass!":::::: *shudders* Does it scare you like it scares me?)

Backstage Pass Board Game -- (I swear, NSync must be trying to set a record for "Most Useless Shit Sold to Willing Morons")

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That's it for this week folks!
Tune in next week when we answer the question:
"Just what IS hidden in Justin's hair?"