10. "La La La La La" - Left by all of us.
Ok, this is actually a few messages, but Tommy's machine only holds 5 minutes and sometimes we run out and have to finish our story, so we call back. These all happened within about an hour. It was a long drunken night, if I remember correctly, this was the first night Jen ever wore her beer goggles. I'm going to describe the ones I remember most from this night.

Message 1 - "Carson Let Me Up" - Left By Brittany
"Hey Skillz, imagine this. Danny's in Times Square, and he's naked. Wearing nothing but his mesh clogs, a stocking hat with ear flaps, his Unibomber sunglasses, and gloves. He's having sex with some chick, and attached to his ass is a bright pink sign that says "CARSON LET ME UP" flapping in the wind."
UPDATE - On December 13th, 2000, we went to a No Authority concert with the aforementioned Carson Let Me Up Sign. The guys all saw it, and got a good fine laugh out of it.

Message 2 - "When You're Braiding Ricky's Hair, Don't Think I'm Not" - Left By Brittany
"Hi Tommy! When you're braiding Ricky's hair don't think I'm not, when you're beading FingerPal, don't think I'm not. When you're wearing mesh clogs don't think I'm not. I got an idea for your next song.. Whatcha gonna do when you can't say no, when you don't answer the phone, boy I wanna comb your fro fro, how ya gonna act how ya gonna handle that, whatcha gonna do when your next hit is I Want You Back? We have a theory that Stretch's, how should I put this, "manhood" is so big he has to tape it to his leg during performances, and when it's time to whip it out he unrolls it like a red carpet. I bet you are so pissed off listening to this right now, that you just slammed your GalPal off the ceiling and busted it into pieces. Now you are making Ricky vacuum it up, and he's all "La la la la la, I'm cleaning!" while Eric is riding on the vacuum cleaner. I just had the urge to see your video, so I called the Box, and I hate to break it to you, but it's no longer available. I dialed in selection one six nine, ha ha! sixty nine, I'm eleven.. anyway, and it doesn't exist. Sorry. Aww. Now I upset you, ok, I'll play "Boost Tommy's Ego!" Tommy, you are so fine. I wanna get you naked. I wanna run my teeth through your fro and lick your barcode, Oh yeah, you don't HAVE a barcode, then I'll lick your NA! What's the deal with that busted ass tattoo on your other arm anyway? Superman busting through a wall?? Oh yeah, it means "Strength" or something right? Strength! Stronger... ! Now I'm stronger, than yesterday, now it's nothing but my way... "

I think you get the point. Some clarifications, cause ya'll might be confused. This spanned over about 5 messages, I kept running out of time. There were a LOT more "Don't Think I'm Nots" but I can't remember them at all. The thing about the Box, is if you don't know, the Box is a music channel where you call and pay 3 bucks and they play whatever video you want. We used to order the CIGY# video like 4 times a day, but then they removed it from the selection list. And the whole "Run my teeth through your fro and lick your barcode" thing has to do with Justin Timberlakes' best friend, Trace, who has a fro and a (fake) barcode tattoo.. I said that about him in Hawaii, joking around, and Joey's brother was standing right behind me, it was funny. Anyway, I know there was more that night, I can't remember them though.
UPDATE - Kate did get to ask Ricky to braid his hair. And I did explain to Eric, in person, about his red carpet. It was funny, I guess you had to be there.

9 "No More Phone Calls" - This one was left by all 3 of us.
The one day we decided we weren't going to call Tommy anymore, so we left a goodbye. Throw on Track 6 on the CD if you don't get it.

Brittany - "Well Skillz, it's been a good month. But I must say, *This part I sang loudly* "No more waiting, waiting for a call, or leaving a message at the tone.. they're all you need, Tommy believe it's true. There's no more messages for you.. No more phone calls, no more phone calls, no more phone calls no"

Jen - "It's as if I've never met ye. Oh wait, I haven't."

Kate - Kate does not remember what she said.
UPDATE - We still call Tommy.

8. "Throw Down O-Town" - Left by Kate
I, Brittany, used to live in Wilkes-Barre PA. I was talking to my older brother (he still lives there) about the NA show there December 13th, and he's all.. "yeah, I heard about it on the radio, it's No Authority and Aaron Carter opening for O-Town" Well, we all know O-Town is the classiest of classy pop, and we were sure Tommy was none to happy with this so... enter Kate with, in my opinion, the best message EVER. Keep note, when the message started, I didn't know she had called him, so it starts with me bitching about "busted ass O-Town playing with No Authority" then I notice she has the phone, realized what she was doing and shut up. Kate started talking then.

"Hey Homeskillet! As you can hear, Brit's not too happy about this new knowledge, either are Jen and I, and I'm SURE you aren't either. Why the fuck do they have you with O-Town? That's just busted, so here's the deal. We're gonna help you throw down. Look for us at the show, we'll be armed with eggs, tomatoes, and lemons to throw at them. About Jacob, Jen's just not having that frofrofro so she's going to have a skateboard that her and Danny could use to beat them, Brit will wear a FingerPal and use it as a slingshot! Me and you are just going to throw down. We'll grab Jacob by his frofrofro and beat him, and then slam Trevor in the head and knock all his jerri curls out. And Rooster, PSSH with the Rooster, Dan whatever. We'll just beat that beast. Bam! O-Town goes down. Don't you worry Skillz, we got your back, and it's gonna be a rumble, No Authoritay style. Down down down, O-Towns going DOWN!

I'm sure that's a little out of context. She was screaming and going on and on. It was the damn near funniest thing I've EVER heard in my life, ever.
UPDATE- O-Town cancelled for the show. Did they get wind of this message and chicken out? We may never know...

7. "Stress Relief" - Left by Brittany and Jen
After we told Tommy we'd never call him again, I came to a conclusion that our leaving him messages was a stress relief, so it was ok.

Brittany - "Hey Tommy. I know I swore off your GalPal forever, but I was thinkin. It's ok for me to leave you messages. It's a stress relief. I can talk and bitch and complain without having to worry about anyone debating what I have to say. Then I feel better because I got it off my chest. Your GalPal is like my own little psychiatrist. Don't ever call back Tommy, It's better that way. Just let us get our things we have to say out in the open. Then next time we see each other I'll be all "Tommy, how about those messages?" and you'll say "Yep" and it will be all said and done. Score.

Jen - "She's so right Tommy. You are like my own little Diary. *Jen starts singing the Britney song* "Dear Diary.. today I called this boy" Does Britney sing that song in concert Tommy? You toured with her, you would know. Oh. She doesn't? Well thanks for letting me know that..."

Keep in mind, it was his machine, when Jen asked the question she answered herself.
UPDATE - Well, I did ask Tommy the next time I saw him "What about those messages" and he laughed, and told us he "listens to them every night". Later that night he went on to tell us they were "random funny".

6. "Josh Weiner" - Left by all 3 of us.
We've left a few messages about Josh Weiner. Just bitching about how we hate him. Kate left this first one, while we were driving in the car listening to the song "Don't Stop" we sng it "Don't Schtop" in Josh's speech impediment voice.

"Tommy. Thank god No Authority found you and got rid of Josh Weiner. And we aren't just saying that to boost your ego. He is so scary and gross and we hate him. What, with his speech impediment and what not? We are listening to the old CD, and it's just BUSTED. Thank god for Tommy McCarthy."

This next one was Jen and I. We both wrote Josh an email, and sent it to him, but blind carbon copied it to Tommy. But Tommy checks his email practically NEVER, so we called him and read the emails to him too. Here are the emails we sent.

Jen's
Subject: To the Weinermobile *dun dun dun*

Hi Josh Weiner. So what's up with you dissin your old posse to kiss JRT's ass? What, you think you're too good for No Authority now that you're playin ball with N Sync? I PERSONALLY think that No Authority is too good for you Josh Weiner. Also, what's up with your last name? You and I both know it's not Keaton. Are you too good for your weiner name Weiner-Dog? Maybe Oscar Mayer will hire you as a spokesperson and you'll get your own Weinermobile. Hey..it's an option if N Sync ever kicks you out of Steve's bunk. What do you plan on doing when you get married..have your wife hyphenate her name? Would it be Weiner-Keaton or Keaton-Weiner? Just a thought you might want to ponder..IF you ever find anyone that wants to marry a Weiner-Dog like yourself. So I saw on your site that you have a song called "Thinkin Bout You". Is that a rip off of TMcC and Ricky G's hand penned smash hit..."Thinkin"? Could it be? Is that how it is Weiner-Dog? Did you get that speech impediment fixed yet? I would hope so if you're putting out a solo album. Whatcha gonna do when there's no Spyder G, Stretchy, and Ricardo to cover your slurring, huh? Tommy is ten times more weinerdog than you'll EVER be Josh Weiner (and just so you know, I'm not being mean to McC, I DO like Tommy, he's my homeskillet.) Well, I suppose I should go...my hotdog is about done.
Love,
Jen

Coming soon to a theatre near you this Thanksgiving...Ricky Martin and 102 WeinerDogs. It'll be a hit with Weinerdogs everywhere!

P.S. I hate you Josh Weiner, also while you're still N Sync's weiner-bitch tell JRT that I hate him too and he missedoutpeace. Lol.

Brittany's
Subject: Hey there WeinerHead!!

Josh,
I probably shouldn't judge you, because I know I never walked in your weiner, but guess what. I don't care. I HATE you Josh Weiner. I really do. You belong with NSYNC. I hope they make you very happy. Do you think No Authority misses you Josh Weiner? Because they don't. You didn't help them get girls, you scared them away. You are a scary scary weiner boy. Unlike Tommy, YOUR replacement. You say you "quit", we know the truth WeinerDog, Tommy's a big fine hunk of man that you only wish your weiner self could be. No Authority kicked YOU out Weiner boy, face the weiner facts. Everyday when I wake up, I'm a little bit happier. Because it's one more day you've been away from No Authority, and they forget you and your wacky weiner ways just a little bit more. Does this upset you Josh Weiner? Are you crying little weiner tears? Oh wait, I'm sorry "Keaton tears" What ever. Once a weiner, always a weiner. That's what my mom always says, and she eats hot dogs all the time so she should know. I can't wait for your CD to come out, Weinerdog, so I can stand outside TRL with a sign that says "Josh Is A Weiner." And wait for your weiner face to walk down the street, and slap it with a link of freankfurters. Ya like that dontcha, Weinerdog? All right, I have to go, dinners ready. Good ol' weiners and beans. Peace Weinerdog !!!

Love, a BIG FAN, Brittany Frankfurter.... I mean, "Peaton".
PS. - Weiner Weiner Winker Mullét.
UPDATE - Josh read these emails the next day, and then wrote us both back a month later. He told Jen it was "the funniest thing he's ever read, and she brightened his day" and he asked me if "Honestly, can you send me one of these everyday? I don't know where you come up with some of this stuff, it's HILARIOUS!"
So, now we DO write him everyday. Oh yeah, I also talked to Eric in my Josh Weiner voice, and he laughed and said it was "great!".

5. "You Might Wanna Sit Down For This.." - Left by Kate
Ahh memories, this is one of the very first messages we ever left Tommy. It was actually left by Kate the day I became a No Authority fan.

"Hi Tommy. So we were just driving home from Baltimore and there was a countdown on the radio. I hate to break it to you, but your song is going the wrong way. Yes Tommy, sadly you've dropped 6 spots from #31 to number #37. It's falling down the charts.. shouldn't I be the one going down??"

Then, the following week:

"Well Tommy, you might want to sit down for this one. I'm sorry to say, but Can I Get Your Number has fallen off the charts. Peace"
UPDATE - Can I Get Your Number is permanantely off the charts.

4. "Twinkies And Condoms" - Left by Kate
This was Kate's very first message to Tommy EVER, back in July. We thought we were calling Joey Fatone, apparentely we were WAY on the other side of the boyband scale, and it was Tommy.

"Hey Joey! What's up? Why don't you give me a call, you're going to be here in Philly next week. Me, you, some Twinkies and condoms! Whattayasay?"
UPDATE - Yes, after leaving messages back and forth, and even a one hour phone call with the Skillet McCarthy himself, we have come to realize the sacred 10 digits we hold possesion of, belong to Tommy. But he knows we are greedy with them and he doesn't have to worry about us giving them out.

3. "I'm At Your Show.." - Left by Kate
This call was made from DC, while we were watching the No Authority concert, while standing front row, leaning on the stage. All the guys saw Kate on the phone. lol.

"Hi Tommy. So I'm at your show right now. Hear it? You sound good. I must say, your fans are a bunch of winners. Paper bag anyone? Aww.. you just winked at me. Well, I'm gonna finish watching now, see you later in Connecticut."

2 "Kareoke Bar" - Left by Kate and Brittany
When Kate and I go to the Kareoke Bar, we actually take in our own CD and sing Can I Get Your Number. Do you realize the embarrassment of standing in front of people at a bar singing that corny ass song? So, whenever we sing it, we call Tommy and leave him the message of us singing. When we saw him in Connecticut, he was all "Was that OUR song?" we were like "Yeah." We couldn't figure out why he would say that. But the next week, we did it again, sang CIGY# and then at the end, Kate yelled, we have No Authority on the phone, everyone say "Hi!" The whole bar cheered. The very next night, No Authority did their Nickelodeon chat. You may remember Tommy making the comment "I like to sing Kareoke. I'm excited, I just recently heard they released a kareoke version of our song" OMG. Kate and I were laughing HYSTERICALLY. We couldn't let Tommy think they actually had that song for kareoke, we had to tell him the truth.

Kate - "So Homeskillet. You really might want to sit down for this one. I am going to shatter your dreams. I see you did a chat last night. I couldn't help but notice the kareoke comment. Um.. no offense at all Tommy. But, there is NO kareoke version to your song. We bring our OWN CD and sing along to it. But, don't be upset. Think of it this way, at least we are spreading your music to an older age group. We even hand out NA stickers at the bar!"

We don't really hand out NA stickers at the bar.

1. A Collection - Left by all of us
There is NO WAY we can think of one particular message, so we are just going to write up a collection of some of the funniest things we've ever said to Tommy.

Do you have nutmud you crumbsnatcher?

Nice necklace.. SUPAFLY!

Brittany and Enrique had a moment at the AMA's, not like you were there to see it!

Dude, if you want, we can throw down Carson Bitch Daly together!

I'm sorry, but I SO would never have worn that bumblebee costume on double dare!

They hired us to be the spokesgirls for Norristown, our slogan is "You too po' too affowed it!"

This Thanksgving I'm thankful for GalPals and your evil one armed twin Bommy

That ice skater guy, Elvis, he had a mullet

Not YOUR minimouth Tommy, Brittany's...

Ya know what I mean Stretch?! I mean SKILLZ, sorry Tommy.

I wanna fork him ALL NIGHT LONG!

Ya know what, I think I'd spoon with all four members of No Authority

Sometimes, but not all the time, I wanna make out with Ricky in that orange Austin Powers jumpsuit..

Hey! Guess who's birthday it is today.. Britney Spears! Hahah.. just kidding, it's Ricky's, heppy birthday Ricky!

Twenty, Twenty, Twenty four hours to go... you're gonna see your galpals!

We're in New York City.. Ryder Strong just hopped a cab with us!
UPDATE - We still leave Tommy messages. Although we sometimes go days and leave nothing, other days we will leave 8 in one night. Sometimes we just have nothing to say. Good times.