9. Yummy dinner, potpies and beer

8. All those porno mag subscriptions start to add up after awhile

7. Watching his rapid-fire triple threat winking so much will cause you to go cross-eyed

6. Everyday, the first thing he says to you in the morning "You still think I'm better than Josh Wiener, right honey?"

5. Every other night, Danny calls cuz he "needs a hug" and once again, you are left sleeping alone.

4. Every year for Halloween, he dresses as the Lizard King

3. You're guaranteed as one of People's "Worst Dressed Couples" every year, with his hits like "Female Body Inspector" T-Shirts, and teal pleather suits

2. Whenever he's trying to be sexy, he talks to you in broken incoherent meaningless Spanish

1. No one wants to live in a trailer park.