Goodbye
By Olivia
Hurry! JC willed the airplane. Couldn’t the pilot fly any faster? Every minute of the flight seemed to stretch out into hours…and he desperately needed to get home.
The words of the doctor echoed in his mind. “The birth is going very badly…your wife has lost a lot of blood…she keeps asking for you…she might not make it…” He shook his head. I have to get to her, he thought.
Chris looked consolingly at his friend. JC’s face was drawn, and his blue eyes were gray with worry. The dark circles under them also indicated the lack of sleep. Chris knew that he was undoubtedly exhausted. They were in the middle of a tour, already fatigued from the previous weeks of travel, when JC received a distressing phone call from the hospital in Florida.
Olivia had gone into labor, but there were complications with the delivery. The doctor wasn’t sure if she’d live. The two men took the first flight available out of Germany. JC’s body ached from so many hours of traveling, and his head was cloudy from the lack of rest…but he couldn’t sleep. His heart ached and his mind contemplated the possibility of life without her.
“I’m coming, Liv…” JC whispered to himself.
Chris’ heart went out to him; he too was concerned about Olivia’s condition. She and JC had asked him and his fiancée Emily, to be the baby’s Godparents. They happily accepted, and “Uncle Chris” had looked forward to the birth as if the child were his own niece.
“We’re almost there,” Chris said, trying to offer some support. He prayed silently that everything would be alright.
“I’m coming Liv,” JC said again softly. “I’m coming.”
“Josh…” Olivia sobbed, the tears spilling down her cheeks.
Emily squeezed her hand, “He’s on his way Liv…he and Chris will be here as soon as they can.”
“Mrs. Chasez,” the doctor said. “I need you to give me one more big push…”
Olivia shook her head, the sobs still shaking her body. No matter how much they drugged her, the pain was unbearable, and the amount of blood she’d lost had left her exhausted. The truth was, she was scared. She knew there was a chance she might not survive after this last push.
“Hurry Josh,” she murmured, closing her eyes, “I need you.” She summoned all the strength she had left and gave one final push…
JC was the first one off the plane, with Chris hot on his heels. They ran through the busy terminal, weaving through the crowd and making their way toward the street. I’m almost there, sweetheart. He suddenly pictured Olivia lying in a hospital bed. I need to get to her…fast…now.
Just as he reached the curb, he heard a high-pitched squeal. “Oh my God, it’s JC Chasez…and Chris Kirkpatrick!” He closed his eyes and groaned. Not today…not now, he pleaded.
“C!” Chris called out.
JC opened his eyes to find that Chris had already hailed a cab. He climbed in and gave the driver the name of the hospital.
“And please, we’re in a hurry,” he added.
The drive wasn’t too long, but to JC it seemed like an eternity. The only thing he could think about was Olivia. Please be okay…please be okay, he prayed silently as the cab pulled up in front of the hospital. He stumbled out of the cab, as Chris paid the driver and thanked him for his services.
JC burst through the hospital entrance.
“Olivia Chasez,” he announced to the receptionist. “What room is she in? I’m her husband.”
“She’s in room 507,” Chris answered, pushing his friend toward the elevator.
“What? How do you know?” JC asked frantically.
Chris chuckled, “I called Emily while we were in the cab.”
When they reached the fifth floor, the two of them sprinted down the hall. Room 503, 505…507. JC placed his hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath. He slowly opened the door and stepped into the room.
“Josh!” Olivia’s voice was a shadow of a whisper.
“Oh, Liv!” JC breathed.
Olivia’s face was pale and her eyelids were heavy, half-closed. But she smiled softly and in her arms was a tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket. Emily sat in a chair next to the bed, a look of relief spreading across her face. JC could feel the tears forming in his eyes as he rushed toward the bed.
Olivia whispered, “Josh, meet your daughter, Alexia.”
JC blinked back tears as he looked at his wife. He leaned down and brushed his lips gently over hers. Then he reached out and touched the baby’s cheek. Her eyes were closed, and she breathed lightly and evenly. Alexia…my daughter…our daughter.
“She’s beautiful,” he said quietly. Olivia looked more frail and weak than he would have thought, but their child was the most wondrous creature he had ever seen.
“Where’s Chris? Alex and I wanna say hello to him too,” Olivia managed to whisper. JC had to lean in closer in order to hear her.
“I’m here Liv,” Chris answered. “Hush now, don’t wear yourself out from talking.” He grinned down at her and kissed her forehead, then kissed the infant she held in her arms, his Goddaughter. “Hey little one…I’m your Uncle Chris.”
Olivia smiled, then looked up at JC. He stared back, his blue eyes reflecting the love she felt for him...and the evident worry over her condition. He reached out his hand and touched her face.
“Josh,” she said, her words coming out in the faintest breaths. “I waited for you. I held on just for you.”
JC fought back his tears. “Held on? You’re gonna be fine, sweetheart. We’re going to teach Alexia music, and read her bedtime stories…”
Olivia shook her head. It seemed like even that simple motion was an enormous effort. “No, Josh. I’m tired…so tired.” Her eyes closed as she spoke.
“Shhh…” murmured JC, brushing a strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear.
The doctor stepped forward, “Mr. Chasez, I think your wife needs to rest.” He motioned for Emily to take the sleeping baby from Olivia’s arms. However, as soon as she reached for Alexia, Olivia’s eyes fluttered open.
“No! Em, please let me hold her,” she said. Emily looked at the doctor, who nodded his permission.
“Alexia…my dear Alexia,” she cooed, her voice growing weaker all the time. She turned her head slightly and glanced up at JC. “Josh…please sing to me.”
He smiled; she’d always loved hearing him sing…and he loved singing to her. He cleared his throat and softly began the lyrics to “Falling,” one of her favorite songs. By the time he reached the second verse, he had tears in his eyes.
“I lose my step, I lose my ground, I lose myself when you’re around. I’m holding on for my life, to keep from drowning in your eyes…” his voice trailed off. He was pained by the sad expression in her deep brown eyes.
“Josh,” Olivia said softly, her eyelids growing heavy and her voice becoming faint. “I love you.”
He caught his breath, realizing at that very moment just how deeply he loved her. He gazed into her eyes and whispered, “And I love you.”
If she heard him, she didn’t respond. Her eyes closed and her head rolled to the side. Her arms, holding little Alexia, began to go limp and Emily rushed forward to scoop up the newborn.
JC felt his heart leap into his throat as the doctor immediately took Olivia’s wrist and measured her pulse. He shook his head. “I’m sorry Mr. Chasez, but she’s gone.”
“No!” JC heard himself say, the sobs he’d struggled to contain stinging at his eyes. “No…sweetheart, wake up…Liv…”
His words collided with Alexia’s mournful, heartbreaking wail. Emily held the teeny bundle out toward him. “JC…” she said quietly.
He shook his head and slammed his eyes shut, almost as if he were unable to look at his new daughter…the baby that had cost Olivia her life.
“JC,” Emily said again, holding out little Alexia. “Please…she needs you.”
He opened his eyes, and through his tears reached out his trembling arms for his daughter. He felt the baby’s warm, defenseless body through the blanket as Emily placed her in his arms.
“Shhh…don’t cry Alex,” he murmured, rocking her back and forth. “I’m here…” His words alone wouldn’t ease the crying, so JC softly began to sing to her.
“In all of creation, all things great and small, you are the one that surpasses them all. More precious than any diamond or pearl, He broke the mold when you came in this world…” he crooned. Little Alexia’s sobs slowed, and JC gazed down into her tearful brown eyes.
He felt a lump in his throat. She’s already starting to resemble her mother, he thought. He looked up at Olivia, resting in her eternal slumber, and his heart beat painfully in his chest.
“We’ll leave you alone,” the doctor said, nodding his understanding. He walked toward the door and motioned for Chris and Emily to follow.
Emily gave JC a kiss on the cheek, and Chris patted him on the shoulder before heading into the hallway.
“We’ll be outside if you need us,” Chris said, closing the door behind him.
Cradling Alexia, now sleeping contentedly in his arms, JC sat down in the chair next to the bed. Just looking at Olivia prompted the tears to fall and he cried softly, embracing his sorrow.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he cried, choking on his tears. “I’m so sorry…you needed me…and I wasn’t there…”
He bowed his head, cursing himself. I shouldn’t have gone on tour…I shouldn’t have left her, he thought mournfully. Why hadn’t I taken better care of her? Why wasn’t I there when she went into labor? But even if he had been there, was there anything he could have done?
JC reached over and took her hand in his. He shook with sobs when he saw that she was wearing her wedding ring. Olivia completed him…she was his other half. Now that she was gone, he felt as though someone had reached inside him and tore away half his heart. How could he live without her?
He kissed her hand then released it so he could brush away his tears. Sniffling, he glanced down at his daughter. Just then Alexia sleepily opened her eyes. She looked up at JC and smiled.
“Hey sweetie.” A smiled pulled at JC’s lips as Alexia closed her eyes and opened her mouth in a wide yawn. “Just like mommy…” he said softly.
As if she understood, Alexia giggled. JC put his pinky in his daughter’s tiny hand to test her grip. He chuckled as she brought his finger to her mouth and began sucking on it contentedly. An overwhelming feeling of awe, adoration and love swept over him as he watched her.
He looked again at Olivia’s lifeless form and felt an ache in his heart. JC knew she’d felt the same way about Alexia in those few precious moments before she died. His eyes became misty as he pictured Olivia as she had been only a short time earlier, cuddling Alexia with a peaceful, satisfied expression on her pretty face. That’s all she’ll ever have, he thought, those last few minutes.
Shaking slightly, he once more held her hand in his. “I’ll take care of her Liv,” he vowed. “I promise I’ll be there for her the way I should’ve been for you. I’ll love her enough for the both of us, as much as we loved each other…as much as I’ll always love you, deep down…”
JC rose to his feet, Alexia happily cooing in his arms. Gently, carefully, he laid her in the crook of Olivia’s arm. Then he reached out and traced the contours of his love’s face.
“I love you,” JC whispered, his voice filled with emotion. He bent down and lay a tender kiss upon her lips, as if it would awaken his sleeping beauty…though he knew her eyes would never open. He wrapped his arms around Alexia and Olivia, embracing them both. “Goodbye, sweetheart.”
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