I felt numb. I couldn't move. And there was no one else in the room with me, or so it seemed. When my mom asked me if I wanted to see anyone else, I didn't understand her at first. "What do you mean?" I asked, thinking for the life of me that she was asking if I wanted another boyfriend. "Chris and Josh are here." She told me. I couldn't stop myself; I darted up from the couch and ran for the door. Chris and Josh (Whom we called "JC") were standing in the front hall; grave looks on their faces. I rushed into Chris's arms and began to sob. Chris put his hand on the back of my head and began to whisper gently into my ear. "Oh god, Lizzy" Chris said, holding me as tight as he could, "I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry" JC came up behind me, and wrapped his arms around us both. They held me there for a long timemaybe 10 minutes or more. I didn't want them to let me go either. The three of us cried together, which was almost surreal. I had never seen Chris with a sad look on his faceHe was generally a happy, upbeat, rather off the wall kind of guy. But now there was such pain in his eyes. The smile that I was accustomed to was gone-I wondered if I would ever see it againI wondered if any of us would ever smile again. I had never laughed so hard in my life. There was Chris, dancing around onstage in a Wolf man costume, singing oldies. Lance, JC, Justin, Joey and I leaned into each other for support as we watched the show. The people around us thought we were insane! When the show was over, the five of us pushed through the crowd at the front of the tiny stadium to see Chris. "Wow, Chris," JC laughed, "That was...that was..." "Inspired!" Justin finished for him. "You should be on Broadway, my friend." Joey grinned, giving the Wolf man a friendly hug. Chris beamed from ear-to-ear. "You guys really liked it?" We looked back and forth between each other, trying to find the right words. "You did great, Chris." Lance smiled, putting his arm around my shoulders. Chris smiled broadly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it!" "Totally, man," JC said, "It was really...really..." "Cool!" Joey piped in. "Very cool." I added. "Thanks guys!" He smiled, giving us each a hug. "Well guys, I gotta get ready for the next show!" He explained, "Thanks again for coming! It meant a lot to me to have you all here!" "Anytime man." Justin said, giving him another quick hug. We left Chris and his hairy self behind, and started to walk around the rest of the park. When my legs and feet started to get tired, Lance gave me a piggyback ride. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and lay soft kisses on his neck and cheek. "That tickles!" He cried, "You're gonna make me drop you!" "If he drops you, I'll take you!" Joey said, giving me a huge grin. "Thanks Joey, that's comforting." I giggled. "So-What are we gonna do now?" Justin asked, as usual getting bored before anyone else had a chance to have any fun. "Wanna hit some rides?" JC suggested. "I think Liz and I are gonna excuse ourselves." Lance told them, "I promised her that we'd spend the day togetherAnd I intend to keep my promise!" I smiled and hugged his neck as tight as I could without choking him. "Awe!" The other three sighed in unison. The guys had this strange habit of talking all at once, and finishing one another's sentences. I sometimes thought that they were one person in five different bodies. "Sorry ya'll." Lance smiled, letting me down off of his back, and taking my hand in his"Some things have to come before hanging out with you bozos." "Who're you callin' a bozo?" Justin asked, raising his eyebrows at Lance, trying for all he was worth to look tough. Lance reached over and mussed Justin's hair, "You!" He laughed. "Hey! Hey! The hair!" Justin cried dramatically, reaching up to make sure his coiffure wasn't harmed in the attack. "If your face looked half as good as your hair," Joey chuckled at Justin, "You'd be pretty good looking."
I gave Justin a hug, "Awe, they're just playin' with ya JuJu!"
He laughed, hugging me back, "Can I have your girl, Lance?"
Lance pulled me back to him by the arm, "I don't think so!"
"Shouldn't someone ask me?" I giggled.
"I'm afraid you have no say in the matter." Lance purred into my ear.
I put my arms around his waist and lay my head on his shoulder, "Not that I'd want to, anyway."
"What's wrong with me?" Justin asked indignantly.
"I think ya'll should get out of here before this escalates." JC laughed.
"I agree." Lance said, leading me away from the group, "We'll talk to you guys later!"
"Wait just a damned minute!" Justin called after us, "What's wrong with me?"
"I've been asking myself that same question, JuJu!" I called back over my shoulder.
As Lance and I disappeared away from the guys, I could hear them all laughing and continuing to pick on poor Justin.
I was sitting on the couch, in between JC and Chris. They had their arms around me on both sides. No one was speaking-All that could be heard was the monotonous tick-tocking of the clock.
I lay my head on Chris' shoulder, and closed my eyes.
The shrill ringing of the telephone startled me back to my painful reality.
Chris reached over and lifted the phone off the base; he pulled it to his ear slowly, as though it hurt him to do so.
"Hello?" He said quietly, "Oh, hey Kris. Yeah, she's here" He put his hand over the receiver, "It's Kristindo you want to talk right now?"
I nodded, blinking back tears.
I took the phone and gingerly brought it to my ear.
"Kris?" I sniffed, the tears fell anyway.
"Liz, I just heard. My god, are you all right?"
Kristin had been a friend of mine for years, even longer than I had known Casey. She was the one who had first introduced me to Lance.
"It's not real, Kris" I cried into the phone, Chris put his arms around me and pulled me close. JC just sat there, leaning his head back against the couch with his eyes closed, as though he was praying.
"Honey, is there anything I can do?" She asked, there was utter concern in her voice.
"Tell me it's not real" I pleaded, barely able to form the words, "Tell me that this is some kind of joke."
"Oh god, Liz. I wish I could." She said, beginning to cry herself, "I just talked to Mama Bass. She's so...We're all so..."
"Where is she?" I asked, "Where is Diane?"
We rarely called Lance's mother by her name. She preferred to be called "Mama Bass". In fact, it was kind of a running joke with all of us, Chris' mom was "Mama Kirkpatrick" and my mom was "Mama Hunter" and so on.
"She's at home now." Kristin informed me, "She just got back from the hospital. They called her to identify the..."
Suddenly I had the urge to vomit. I plunged the phone at Chris and bolted up from the couch. JC was hot on my heels; he followed me into the bathroom and caught me by the arms as I hit my knees on the cold tile.
I began to heave violently, and JC reached forward and swept my hair back behind my head.
"I'm here, Lizzy." He murmured softly, "I'm here. You're gonna be all right."
The next thing I knew, I was laying on the bathroom floor. JC was cradling my head in his lap, running his fingers through my hair and looking down at me, his blue eyes full of a dreadful mix of sorrow and worry.
My eyelids fluttered, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and sleep until I could wake up from this awful nightmare.
JC bent his head down and lay a gentle kiss on my forehead, his tears dripping off his face onto mine.
"I'm gonna take care of you, Lizzy." He promised, "We're all gonna get through this together."
I pulled myself up into a sitting position with what little energy I had left. My head felt so heavy that all I could manage to do was let it fall into my hands. I began to sob; uncontrollable tremors took over my entire body.
JC wrapped his arms around me and began to rock me back and forth.
"I know" He whispered into my hair, "Just let it all out...I know."