We drove in silence. Each of us was staring out the window gravely. JC was merely behind the wheel, I don't think that he was really driving...Just allowing the car to go through the motions of getting us to our destination.

We pulled up to the house...And I immediately felt nauseated.

The porch looked bare without Lance standing there waiting for us. The driveway abandoned without his precious car parked in front of the garage. I wanted to turn around and go back home the moment the car stopped.

"We're here," JC said quietly, as though we didn't know that already.

"We should go in." Chris spoke.

I closed my eyes, willing away the nausea that crept up into my throat from my stomach. I swallowed it, and it hit bottom with a sickening thud that shook my whole body.

JC was the first to get out of the car. Chris followed suit, and came around to open my door for me. He took my hand, and pulled me out of the car into his arms.

"We're doing the right thing, Lizzy" He said into my ear, "This is where we should be right now...Lance would want this."

I scowled at him, not because I was angry at what he said; and not because I disagreed with him either, it just sounded so...so...morbid.

The three of us made the trek up the walk to the porchit seemed like it was a mile long. When we reached the door, my insides began to quiver, and I knew that I was going to cry again. Chris held onto my hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He nodded to JC, who then reached out, and pressed the doorbell once.

The door creaked open a crack, and two bloodshot green eyes peered out from inside.

"It's us, Mama Bass" JC said gently, "Lizzy, Chris, and Josh"

She was crying before the door even got opened all the way. Seeing her pain-wrenched face, I was soon crying too. She came to me, and took me into her arms, hugging me close. I lay my head on her shoulder, and wept.

"Oh good" Justin's voice spoke from inside the house, "Ya'll are here."

Justin stepped out onto the porch, and lay a consoling hand on Mama Bass' shoulder. She reached up and grasped it tightly, her knuckles turning white.

I couldn't say anything to her. I simply didn't know what to say. Yes, I had lost my boyfriend, perhaps the one man that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, my soul-mate, and my best friend, but she had lost her son, a part of her...her own flesh and blood.

She looked at me...no, into me. With eyes so much like those that I adored. I had to look away; for fear of having a complete breakdown right there on the front porch.

JC and Justin embraced momentarily, both of them looking weary.

Joey appeared just behind Justin, and immediately hugged me. I hugged him back, laying my head on his shoulder and allowing him to run his hands up and down my back in a loving manner.

"Come in, everyone" Mama Bass said in a worn voice, "No sense in standing out here in the rain."

We followed in behind her; Justin reached over and took my hand in his. It was strange to see him in such a somber state...it was so strange to be with this particular group of guys and not be laughing.

We gathered in the living room. Chris sat down on the love seat, and motioned for me to come sit beside him. I decided instead to sit in a chair by myself, pulling my knees up to my chest, and trying with all my might to become almost invisible.

None of it seemed real.

It felt as though we were just sitting in Lance's living room, waiting for him to get himself together and come downstairs.

I found myself watching the staircase, waiting for the streak of blonde hair to come rushing down.

Listening for the deep ringing of his laughter-Longing for him to be sitting behind me, cuddling me on his lap as he had so many times before.

I wanted him in that moment more than I ever had beforeI needed to feel him, to touch him; to press my lips to his and feel his heart beating underneath my hand on his chest.

I started to cry...Wail is probably a better word for it. Everyone looked over at me, and I dropped my head in shame, unable to control the deep, screaming sobs that rocked my body.

Mama Bass rose from her seat on the couch, and came up beside me. She got to her knees before me, and pulled me out of the chair, into her arms.

She began to rock me back and forth, cradling me as though I were a small child. I clung to her, sobbing heavily into her shoulder, crying for everything I was worth.

"Please, God...No!" I repeated, over and over until I sounded much like a record with a skip in it, "Please, Not Lance...Not my Lance!"

The guys sat in their respective seats, watching us closely. There were tears streaming down each of their handsome faces. Masks of pain where there usually were smiles and goofy-looking grins...Tears and sadness, where usually there was laughter.

When I had cried until I couldn't possibly cry anymore, Mama Bass let go of me, and allowed me to sit up. She kept one hand on my cheek, much the way Lance would when he wanted to keep my attention on him.

Her eyes haunted me. They were too much like his, too much like those eyes which only the day before had glowed with such love when he looked at me. Those eyes that had, in our moments of passion, shone with intense desire.

In that moment, I needed to be close to him. I needed to smell him, to feel his presence. And I knew of only one place where I could achieve that.

Without a word, I rose to my feet, and headed straight for the stairs.

JC called out to stop me, but I heard Mama Bass hush him.

I headed up the stairs, and stood for a moment at the closed doorway to Lance's bedroom.

I reached out, my hand trembling, and turned the doorknob. I was immediately welcomed by the musky scent of his cologne. I closed my eyes, and inhaled as deeply as I could, hoping with all that was in me that I would go into the room, and find him sleeping peacefully.

There was a gentle rub against my ankle, and I reached down to scoop up the kitty, Poo-Foo, into my arms.

I nuzzled the cat's warm gray fur, and stepped gingerly into the room-Almost tip-toeing so as not to wake Lance up.