Test of Strength

By Dia

"Justin! Justin!" Sammy called while she ran through her best friend's house. "Justin, I can't find the phone!" she called while she frantically searched under couch cushions.

Justin jumped up from his keyboard and started to search for the phone himself. "You're fucking kidding me." After the third ring he and Sammy reached the phone at the same time. Sammy had a grip on the phone, but Justin wrenched it from her. "Hello?" His voice a clear indication of the fear he was feeling.

Sammy watched her best friend while she chewed on her bottom lip in anticipation. "Well? Justin, don't keep me waiting, what's going on?" She barely contained herself from grabbing the phone from her lifelong friend. Justin focused his attention over at her with a look that could make all his teenage fans hearts shatter; his bottom lip quivered as his blue eyes brimmed with tears. Sammy started shaking her head as tears started to pour over down her cheeks. "NO... no way... no..." In denial, she kept shaking her head and fell to her knees, "Justin, he said forever... he doesn't lie, Chris doesn't lie, this is just a bad dream, that's what it is... a bad dream."

Justin didn't say a word; he just nodded, dropped the phone and quickly went to his best friends' side. "Sammy, I'm sorry," he said, holding onto her for his and her sake. "Joey said there was nothing the doctors could do. He's..." Justin choked on a sob. "He's gone, Sammy, he's fucking gone." No longer able to control his anger or tears, he just let both spill.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Justin, I need you to focus on what everybody else is saying here, this is for all of you to cope together with, so please, pay attention." It had been the longest session Becca could remember. It had been a month since this group had come in together seeking counseling for their departed band mate and brother, and it seemed all but Justin were doing a little better, though they still missed their friend and in Sammy's case, fiancée.

Justin looked over his shoulder at the group sitting in the room. "Why? It's all the same. Fact of the matter is, he's dead, he's not coming back. Right, Sammy? You've come to terms, right?" He looked like a man who was about to break, so much thinner than his normal physique, the shadows under his eyes, a harsh dark gray.

Sammy started to cry. "Justin..." She stood up facing him, and she herself resembled a skeleton from the weight lost since Chris's accident. "I have to. If I keep fooling myself into thinking he's going to walk…" She took a deep breath and put a hand to her stomach, controlling the wave of nausea. "If I fool myself into believing that he's going to walk through our door and throw his arms around me and..." her sobs teetered on the edge of uncontrollable, "tell me that we're going to raise our family together, then I'd die myself, because I wouldn't leave the house, and my eyes would never leave the front door." Her eyes were pleading for him to understand. "If I did that, my heart would just keep breaking until there was nothing left."

Joey put his arms around Sammy, then looked up at Justin. "Justin, you know that we all have to face this, and it's better to do it together instead of grieve on our own. There is not a day since it happened that I haven't thought about why it was Chris, and not the drunk fucker that hit him."

Justin's shoulders slumped and he turned around looking defeated. "I'm sorry Sammy, it's just, he's what kept us going. Hell, he's what brought us together, why couldn't it have been me?"

"Justin this is probably the last cliché you want to hear right now, but god has his plans laid out for us, though we'll never understand the reasoning behind most of what he does. The fact is, he has the final word." Becca walked up next to Justin and put her hand on his shoulder. "He lived a good life, and from the group of people we have here," she turned around and looked at the four remaining members of Nsync and Sammy, "I doubt he could have been loved more than he was and is, and that's something a lot of people don't really have."

Justin turned around and hugged Becca tightly. Not letting her go, he just held on and cried till he was too exhausted to cry anymore.

The sessions with Becca and the group continued throughout the next couple months. Each person in the group talked about Chris, and eventually the group started laughing, talking about Chris's gags, and how Justin was his main focus. Even Justin started laughing again. Sammy started showing more in her pregnancy, and the group found out that she was having a boy, which she would name Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, after his father.

"One time Chris," Sammy chuckled remembering the event well, "came home and was dressed in Lance's old Poofu costume and asked me to pet him. I laughed hard but decided I'd go along with his little game. So, I pet the nerd and he started doing the hind leg scratchy thing, then laid on his back like I was suppose to pet his belly. As you can probably guess, I did that too, but he pulled me on top of him and," Sammy blushed hard, "he said I didn't have to give him a bone 'cause he already had one. I believe that was the night we conceived Chris junior."

The stories were pretty much the same, not so much the sex innuendos, but the goofy happenings. The laughter he brought into their lives was a constant story in itself. He was getting easier to talk about, and eventually Becca started to feel like part of this family, laughing because of Chris, even though he wasn't there physically. Justin always seemed to make sure she was included if something went over her head by explaining things, like why Joey is called Twinkie or why all horses were called Toby. It got to the point where she started to consider Chris a part of her life, and was dreading the day when this group would leave her with just these memories. The days were shortening and the whole group felt it, especially Justin.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Wake up, pretty boy." Justin was being shaken in his sleep. "Come on, I don't have all day like you living folks." Justin stirred and realized that someone was jumping on his bed.

"What the hell? What time is it?" Justin looked at the figure jumping on his bed, and jumped out of it. "CHRIS! Oh my god, what the hell?" Justin was just a bit freaked out by what was happening.

"Yeah I know, I know. I'm dead, a ghost. BOO! There, the freak show is done; now sit your ass down so I can talk to you," Chris said taking a seat on the bed waiting for Justin to do the same.

Justin did as he was told and stared wide eyed at Chris. "Uhm, how's it going? Dammit Chris, I've never talked to a dead guy before. What am I suppose to do, hug you or something?"

"You can," Chris shrugged like it didn't occur to him that this was going to be tough for Justin. Justin tackled Chris in a hug that spoke volumes of how much he missed him. "All right pretty boy, if I weren't dead you'd be killing me."

Justin pulled back and looked at Chris. "That's not funny, man."

"I know, I'm sorry. I was just trying to liven up the mood," Chris responded with a hopeful smile.

Justin grimaced, "That wasn't much better." He stared in awe at his friend. "Why are you here?"

Chris smiled his elfish smile, and had the twinkle in his eye that his fans remembered and adored. "You got the hots for your counselor, don't you?

"H-how did you know about that?"

"I'm not stupid, everybody in group knows. Sammy constantly tells me in her dreams." Sadness appeared in Chris's face at the mention of Sammy. "I miss her, Justin." He looked up, tears brimmed his ghostly lashes. "She's having my baby, what I would give to just hold her, but..." Chris looked at Justin. "It can't happen, so instead I chose to bother you." Again the mischief appeared in his eyes. "Now, about this counselor of yours, she's a pretty little package ain't she?" He wiggled his eyebrows and gave Justin a suggestive smile.

"Shut up man, it's not like that. Besides, she's a professional, and would never date a client." Justin looked at Chris. "Would she?"

"You won't know unless you ask, buddy. Look, I've got to go, but please don't tell anybody about this visit. 'Cause you know how all the guys get. Joey will get jealous because it's you, Lance will get jealous because Toby never came to see him..." Justin laughed as Chris continued to name off why each guy would get jealous, then he got to Sammy. "And Sammy, well, she would understand, but I don't want her to know just yet. The time will be right when she finds out, and I wanted to make sure you're strong enough to handle all that comes at you. And I've decided you are… so congratulations, Hercules."

Justin nodded in response. "Yeah, I think I am. I miss you, Chris," Justin responded holding back his tears so Chris wouldn't see them.

"I'd miss me too if I were you," Chris smiled, winked and walked out the bedroom door, not trying to be a typical ghost and just vanish.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Justin, is something on your mind?" Becca asked at the group's last session, having a lot on her mind herself.

Justin stood and faced Becca. "Actually… yes." He started to fidget a bit as he quickly tried to figure out a way to ask Becca out.

JC intervened, the first time he spoke outside of Chris discussion in the last few months. "He wants to ask you out, has been wanting to ask you out for a while, but he's got that whole business and pleasure thing he can't get out of the way."

Becca shot a surprised look at JC, and then looked at Justin. "Is this true?"

Justin threw a pillow at JC. "You're such an ass sometimes, Jace. Why couldn't you just keep your fucking mouth shut like you have these last few months?"

"I just didn't feel like it anymore," JC said matter of factly.

"Wait a minute, Justin, is what he saying true? Did you want to ask me out?" Becca asked, more than curious.

Justin looked at Becca. "Yeah, but like fuckwad over here said…"

"Today is our last session meaning it won't be mixing business and pleasure," she cut him off, slightly embarrassed by her forwardness.

Joey let out a loud laugh, that was quickly put to rest by a slap on the arm from a very pregnant Sammy.

"So will you?"

"I'd love to."

"Cool."

Becca smiled. "Yeah, cool." She cleared her throat. "Now where were we?"

The last session ended smoothly. Few tears were shed, numbers exchanged, and Becca left her office with a smile brought by the knowledge that there was a future with this group outside of sessions. Particularly, a future with Justin.

* * * * * * * * * *

"You push, you son of a bitch!" Sammy yelled at Joey who was coaching her through her delivery. "Why don't you take a fucking lemon and put it through your dick hole and see if you can concentrate on pushing!"

Joey bit back a laugh, knowing that Chris would have said something that would have probably aggravated her more. Instead, he just held onto her hand, and coached her the best he could between each verbal assault thrown at him and at Chris.

Justin was videotaping the whole event, only because Sammy didn't want Steve, Joey's brother, in the delivery room. Becca, who had now been part of the family for over seven months and Justin's girl for a good three, was in the delivery room as well.

Sammy's eyes widened as an immense pain rushed through her body. She looked up at Justin, and Justin made eye contact with her. I wanted to make sure you're strong enough to handle all that comes at you. Realization rushed through Justin, as the heart monitor started beeping slower, and as everything around him went in slow motion. He could hear his heart pounding hard in his chest as he ran to Sammy's side. Justin vaguely heard the world around him as Sammy looked at him one last time, and mouthed the word "Chris." Everything started to go back to normal speed for Justin as soon as he heard the monitor flat line. The nurses rushed Chris Junior to get his stats checked, a loud, healthy cry escaping the child's lungs. The doctors worked on Sammy for what seemed like an eternity, until Justin heard one doctor say "call it," followed by another doctor saying, "11:20 in the am."

Becca reached out and put her hand on Justin's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Justin."

Justin turned around to face Becca, tears in his eyes. "Chris knew this was going to happen...he knew. Becca…" Justin looked at her with eyes pleading for understanding. "He thinks I'm going to be okay, but I'm not so sure."

A cry from the distance made Justin forget, for a moment, about his sorrow. A weak cry at first, then it gradually started to get louder. He walked up to the child who was making all the noise. "He's just like his father, always the attention-getter." A smile broke from Justin's tear-streaked face, and grew even wider when Chris Junior peed on Joey. "And just like his mother to take anger out on Joey."

In the corner of the room, two beings stood watching their friends go gaga over their child. Sammy turned to Chris, "I think Justin will be just fine."

"Yes, well, I'm sure once he finds out that he's going to be taking care of me junior, he'll be even better. Since I was a cry baby, and you were a cry baby, he'll really have no time to grieve." Chris kissed Sammy lightly.

"Well, you know him and Becca are getting a place together, think she'll stick around?"

Chris pointed to Becca, who was hugging Justin, comforting him as he watched Chris Junior make the staff and group laugh from the different faces he was making. "Do you have to ask?"

Sammy smiled knowing that her son and best friend were going to take care of each other. "I guess not." She walked up to Justin and kissed his cheek. Justin touched his cheek and smiled, knowing exactly what had just happened. Then Sammy went up to Chris Junior, with Chris joining her, standing beside her. "We love you baby. Give Justin hell," she said and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, and give him hell too!" Chris said, getting a laugh out of Sammy, and kissed his son's cheek as well. And together the two of them did the traditional ghost thing, and vanished.


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