When he finally did arrive he had a huge grin on his face and in his hand was a bouquet of roses.
"You shouldn't have," I tried to tell him as he handed them to me.
"Well, from what your doctor just told me I really shouldn't have," he said with a grin.
"Huh?" I asked totally confused. "What do you mean?"
"He said that since you made it through the night OK without any problems that I can take you home tonight," he told me.
"Thank God! I was getting bored just laying here watching the paint peel," I said sarcastically.
"Well, I'm glad you're happy. Amy's dropping by with some clothes for you to wear soon but she's not staying because she and AJ are like going out or something," he explained.
Even though it was only the afternoon and I wouldn't be released until that night, Nick stayed with me the whole time except for when he went out to get me McDonalds because I was sick of all the hospital food. When I was finally ready to leave he led me out to the parking lot. (The hospital made him take me to the car in a wheelchair.)
"I had to beg AJ to let me borrow his car for a while. He made me swear that I wouldn't let you drive though," Nick teased me.
I laughed and said. "I don't really feel much like driving anyway."
He laughed as he picked me up from the wheelchair and helped me into the car. Once I was settled he walked around to the other side and got in but before he started the car he placed his hand over mine. "Before we leave there's just one thing I want to do," he told me as he leaned in and kissed me and this time I could enjoy it better since I wasn't all hooked up to wires. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I kissed him back and lost myself in the familiar feeling of his kiss.
When we got back to the beachouse, Nick refused to let me walk inside and picked me up and carried me into the living room and laid me on the couch.
"God," I said with a giggle, "I just have a couple of bruised ribs, I'm not a cripple!"
"If it wasn't for me you wouldn't even have any bruised ribs so you deserve to be treated like royalty," he explained to me. "Anything you want I'll get it for you."
"That doesn't sound bad at all," I told him. "If you insist on waiting on me I guess that I can't refuse."
The rest of the night Nick stayed by my side getting me whatever I needed. Finally I began to get tired and let out a yawn.
"Do you want to head on to bed?" he asked me.
"I am kind of tired," I admitted.
"Ok, then," he said as he scooped me up and carried me upstairs into my bedroom and laid me on the bed.
"Thanks," I said with a smile.
"It's the least that I can do. I still can't believe that this is all my fault," he apologized yet again as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"It takes two to tango," I reminded him. "It was partly my fault too."
Nick sighed. "I know that but it's just that you don't realize how much something means to you until you almost lose it and the whole time you were in the hospital I realized how much you really meant to me. If anything happened to you I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt."
His words bought a smile to my face. He REALLY did care about me. More than care for me, he loved me! "Well, it didn't," I reassured him.
"Thank God for that," he said in a serious tone of voice as he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. "I love you," he told me as he kissed it.
"I love you too," I repeated meeting his gaze. Slowly he bent down and kissed me softly at first but before long the kiss became harder and more passionate, more insistent than before. I was so involved in the kiss I momentarily forgot where we were and what was going on. I hardly even noticed when all of a sudden without breaking contact between our lips at all Nick was laying beside me, letting his hands run up and down the sides of my body. His kisses started to wander down to my neck and I felt so relaxed that I even forgot all about my aching muscles.
It wasn't until his hands began to play with the top button of my shirt that I began to get nervous. It was weird because I knew that I should just put a stop to things now before they got any farther but another half of me actually did want him to keep going. I dunno. It was kinda hard to explain.
Fortunately for me I wasn't the one that put a stop to things. Well, I was but it was only because Nick had kind of climbed on top of me right on top of my rib cage of course. I couldn't help but wince in pain from the extra weight on my already bruised ribs.
"Are you OK?" Nick asked. "Am I hurting you?"
"Well, umm kinda," I told him. "I'm pretty sore all over. It hurts to move around too much."
"Why don't you take a nice hot bath?" he suggested as he rolled off of me and off the bed. "You'll feel better."
"Yea, I guess that's a good idea but you're going to have to start it for me. I don't think I can bend over," I said with a giggle.
"Damn, would you like me to take it for you too?" he asked sarcastically. "Anything else you want?"
"Yea, can you go into my bottom drawer and get out my cloud pajamas?" I asked.
"Sure, why not?" he grumbled as he got them for me. "Do you want me to carry you or would you rather walk?"
I felt a little bad making him wait on me hand and foot like that so I told him that I'd walk. Actually walk was an understatement. Hobbled probably described it better.
When I finally arrived in the bathroom like 3 hours later I sat down on top of the toilet bowl while Nick filled up the tub for me.
"Anything else you need?" he asked me.
"No, I think I can handle it," I said getting up.
"Sure, you don't want me to join you?" he asked with a boyish smirk on his face that indicated that he was only joking with me.
"Don't tempt me," I said with a giggle but then stopped suddenly and almost felt guilty. See, I was joking but not totally. In a way I had to admit that I liked the idea but I was disappointed in myself for even considering it and abandoning the high morals that I strictly set for myself. What was happening here? I mean by all means the last thing I want to be is considered a saint but exactly where did I draw the line? Was everything I believed in just fading away? Was I really changing THAT much? Or was I just overreacting like always, taking a silly little joke so seriously?
"OK then. I'll leave you alone. If you need anything just yell. I'll wait for you in your room OK?" Nick told me.
I nodded my head and waited for him to leave and shut the door before I started to undress then I slowly lowered myself into the tub trying to ignore the screaming pain in my muscles. Once I was in the warm water covered up to practically my neck in bubbles, I started to relax and let my wind wander back to what I had been debating over and over in my head just two minutes before.
I guess I let it get to me because of what had almost happened before in my room. It was scary in a way because I had to admit that half of me didn't want to stop. Half of me was curious and honestly wanted Nick to make love to me. Thank God for my sensible side with its strong morals and reminding me of the possible consequences. I guess I was just confused. I always thought that it would be easy for me to keep my promise to myself but now I was starting to realize that it wasn't easy at all.
One other half of the promise that I made is that I didn't really want to do more than make out before I lose my virginity. Amy is just the opposite. She feels that she's not really ready for actual sex yet so she and AJ just do everything but have sex. That's why when we were playing Truth or Dare that night and Nick asked her if she was still a virgin she said well technically I am. In other words even though she's never actually had sex she's been pretty close.
I don't know what it was but I began to get a little depressed. I was just thinking about everything and I realized how this summer was such a catalyst in my life. First off I had just turned 18 a few months ago and I realized how right now I'm in between the bridges of girlhood and womanhood and I was just crossing that bridge now. Even though legally I was considered an adult I felt anything but one. I don't adapt to change very well even though its something that every person goes through. In just about a month I'd be leaving for Harvard. Would I make friends easily? Will everyone just study all the time? How would I do academically? Even though I was the valedictorian of my class I'd be attending classes with some of the smartest kids in the nation! Would I make it? What about my friendship with Amy? Even though we are complete opposites we've been best friends since kindergarten. Would we keep in touch? What about my relationship with Nick? How would that work out?
So many questions about my future were flying through my head and suddenly I felt something wet slide down my cheek. Why am I crying? I wondered. It's not the end of the world. Everyone grows up. Yet I didn't want to. I wanted to remain a little girl. I wish I could go back in time and revisit those years. It was ironic how when I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up yet now I didn't want to. It's strange how things work out sometimes.
The summer was only half over and I had changed so much. Emotionally, well lets not even get into that because I could go on and on but I even began to notice a physical change in myself. This was the summer I had blossomed. Besides my older more mature haircut and my belly button ring I had acquired a healthy looking tan courtesy of many sun-filled afternoons on the beach. Also I had that certain glow to my face that indicates that you're young and in love and was it just me or was their something else about me that made me look and feel older?
I must have gotten really tied up in my thoughts because when I looked at the clock I was surprised to find that almost two hours had flown by. No wonder I felt as wrinkly as a prune! I got out and grabbed my towel, relieved that the hot bath had helped and I felt much more supple.
I quickly put on my pajamas and headed downstairs. It was late and Nick had probably gave up on waiting for me and decided to go to bed. I didn't expect anyone else to e up and I was in a desperate need for a late night dose of Chunky Monkey but when I reached the kitchen I was surprised to find Amy already sitting at the table eating ice cream right out of the container.
"I see someone else needed a Chunky Monkey fix as well, "I said as I headed over to the refrigerator to see what else I could rustle up.
"There's another container in the freezer," Amy informed me between mouthfuls.
"Thanks a lot," I told her as I retrieved the container from the freezer and a spoon.
"So, what brings you here at this hour," Amy asked me when I sat down.
I just shrugged. "I don't know. A lot on my mind I guess," I told her. "You?"
"Same here," she said looking as if her mind was elsewhere.
"Wanna talk about it?" I asked sympathetically.
"You go first," she said with a laugh.
"OK, well I guess that I just realized that the summer is already half over and in about a month I'll be heading off to Harvard all alone," I blurted out. "For the first time in my life I won't have you or my family around to look after me. I'll be completely on my own."
"Hello? It's called a telephone babe," Amy interrupted in her usually bubbly way. "I expect you to call me at least once a month, a letter once a week, an e-mail once a day, and of course come visit whenever you come home," she joked.
"Of course I will," I promised her rolling my eyes. "I'll only have all the time in the world!
Amy laughed a little but then turned serious again. "That's not all that's bothering you. I can tell there's something more. Is it Nick?"
"Yea, I guess a little bit," I replied pausing for a second to decide exactly how much I wanted to tell her. Even though we've been best friends practically since kindergarten and had traded mountains of secrets in the past now all of a sudden I felt uncomfortable sharing my most personal thoughts with her.
Finally I began to speak again. "Well, I'm going to miss him a lot too and I mean how are we going to maintain a relationship while I'm in Boston and he's out touring the country. Who knows? Maybe this is just some short lived summer romance."
"I seriously doubt that Lyssa," Amy told me. "From what I see and from what Nick tells AJ, he's absolutely crazy for you. And about long distance relationships, yea they suck and often don;t work out but I think that if two people are that determined they can make it happen. It just takes a lot of effort and quick weekend visits whenever possible."
"I guess. Well, there's still a whole other half of the summer. Maybe I am being a little to pessimistic," I reluctantly agreed. "So, what's your sob story?"
This time it was Amy's turn to pause and collect her thoughts. "Well, umm ... this is one of those in between best friends only type of things. I don't want the whole world to know or anything but if I don't confide in someone I'm going to burst!"
"Well, that's what I'm here for!" I said with a laugh. "So start talking."
"OK, well tonight AJ took me out for dinner and then we went to that little carnival by the beach and it was just so romantic and-"
"You're stalling Amy," I interrupted. "Just get to your point!"
"Tonight me and AJ had sex together for the first time," she blurted out all in one breath. "Happy now?"
Oh, so that was it, I thought glumly. Right then I had no idea what to say to her. It was almost like we were strangers instead of best friends. Instead of laughing with her like I had been two minutes ago now I barely knew what to say to her.
Finally my brain clicked back on and I asked the most obvious questions that I could think of. How was it? Did it hurt? Were they planning on doing it again? I only half listened to her answers as I finished up my ice cream. I don't know why it bothered me so much but it did. Amy was a big girl now and could make her own decisions, so why was I feeling this way? I was just SO confused at that moment. It was strange but in a weird way the two of us grew closer that night in the kitchen but at the same time we also drifted farther apart.
"I better get back to bed," Amy announced as she stood up from the table. "I don't want AJ to wake up and see that I'm not there."
"Yea, I'm gonna hit the sack too," I told her as we both walked up the stairs together. When we reached the landing we both said our goodnights and headed to our respective rooms.
When I reached my room I fumbled my way across the dark room and into bed. My mind was going in so many directions that I didn't initially realize that there was someone else in my bed until I felt myself bump against someone. Unable to suppress my fear I let out a loud scream, jumped out of bed and turned on the light.
"Huh? What the hell was that?" I heard Nick's voice ask. Looking up I saw him sitting up in bed still in his clothes that he had worn all day.
"I'm sorry. I came in just now and wasn't expecting to find you in my bed. You kind of scared the shit out of me," I explained.
"I told you that I'd be in here waiting for you. I guess I just fell asleep," he said with a laugh.
"It's OK. I kind of got so relaxed in the tub that I lost track of time and figured that you probably went down to your room by then. After my bath I went down to get a snack and ran into Amy, so we were talking," I told him.
"I guess you want me to leave now huh?" Nick asked as he yawned and stretched. He looked so adorable just then that my heart almost melted.
"No, it's OK," I said with a sigh. "You can stay here if you promise to e on good behavior."
"I swear," he promised as he slid over to make room for me. I turned off the light and then laid beside him.
"Goodnight Lyssa," he told me as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a quick kiss. Then before I knew it he had fallen asleep again. And that my friends was the first time we quote on quote "slept" with each other.