I no longer thought that I was ugly. I mean Nick told me practically everyday that I was beautiful and when I thought about it Nick could basically have any girl in the world yet he chose me. Do you know how good that made me feel? Even Amy was beginning to notice the change in me and stopped constantly watching over me. Anyway she was way to wrapped up in AJ nowadays.
Of course though things don't always go as smoothly as planned as I soon learned.
The day pretty much started out like any other except I had a mission. I was setting out to cut my hair.
"You're cutting your hair?" Amy asked when I made my announcement that morning.
"Yea, it's starting to piss me off," I explained. I have really thick hair and it knots up on me in a second. I don't have the time to sit there and spend two hours on my hair every morning so I decided that a shorter more practical style would e better for me. Anyway I read somewhere that short hair makes you appear older.
"How short are we talking about?" Amy asked me cautiously.
"Not TOO short," I reassured her. "Just up to about my chin and layered. Maybe I'll get bangs. I just want something older and more sophisticated."
"Whatever Lyssa. It's your hair but don't come crying to me when you hate it," she warned.
I ignored her and turned towards Nick. "So, you want to come with me?" I asked knowing he would just love to sit around in a beauty parlor waiting for me all afternoon.
"How about you go on ahead and get your haircut and I'll meet up with you," Nick suggested.
"Sounds good to me," I agreed.
Before I knew it I was getting off the bus at the mall and heading towards the beauty parlor. When I got there I told the hair dresser what I wanted and then she set to work. When she finished and I took a look in the mirror I was amazed. the long, thick, wavy brown hair was gone and replaced with a short (but not to short) layered haircut with bangs swept over to the side. I did look more older and intelligent but it felt a little weird to me. I just hoped that Nick would like it.
After I paid and left I walked towards the entrance where I was supposed to meet Nick. I was surprised that he agreed to meet me at the mall since the last time we had went about a week ago some fans had spotted him and what had started out as a normal romantic afternoon for just the two of us had turned into an impromptu autograph signing. Since then we both decided to avoid the mall except for this day which perhaps in the long run we shouldn't have even went.
I was waiting only a few minutes when Nick spotted me and walked over. He was wearing his "disguise" which included a baseball cap and sunglasses. Unfortunately he was also wearing a white wifebeater which displayed his tattoos, a clear indicator to fans that it really was him which turned out to be a grave mistake.
"Hey baby," he greeted me with a peck on the cheek. "I almost didn't recognize you with that haircut."
"Do you like it?" I asked him anxiously as we headed back inside.
"I love it," he told me with a grin.
"I'm glad that you do. I wasn't quite sure how you would react but like this may sound totally stupid but I had to do it in a way. I mean in only a few short weeks my personality has changed so much and I feel like a totally different person so I decided it would be very symbolic in a way to come up with a new look for the new me," I tried to explain. "Did that make sense to you?"
"Yea it did. It made perfect sense," Nick assured me.
"Good," I replied as we kept walking hand in hand until we passed by this one shop that sold things like gothic clothes, weird jewelry, and other little freaky things. There was a big sign in the window that read: WE DO BODY PIERCINGS and that's when I got the most strangest urge.
"Hey Nick, let's stop in here for a second," I said practically pulling him inside.
"Are you sure Lyssa? I mean no offense but these things aren't quite your style," Nick tried to tell me without hurting my feelings.
"So? We can look!" I protested as I looked around. After a while I finally decided that I had to do it. It was so not me but like I was trying to tell Nick before I felt like a whole new me and I needed something symbolistic to represent that. Yea, I had the haircut but hair would grow out in time. I needed something more permanent.
"Nick, how do you think I'd look with a pierced belly button?" I asked.
"I guess it would look good," Nick answered a little uncertainly as he gave me a skeptical look. "Are you saying you want to get it done?" he asked.
"Yea, actually I think I do. Amy's been telling me I should get it done for years now and that I have the perfect stomach for it so now seems like the perfect time to do it," I told him.
"Are you sure? And since when do you do what Amy tells you to?" he asked with that skeptical look again.
"I'm sure I want it. I just need a little bit of a change that's all," I tried to explain.
"As long as you don't change to much," Nick warned.
"Don't worry. I'm just changing my physical appearance a little. I'm still the same person on the inside," I assured him.
Nick didn't say anything but I could tell from the look on his face that he just didn't feel like arguing with me. Maybe it was all in my head though because as we all know I don't have the world's greatest self esteem. I just pretended not to notice and tossed the thought aside.
We stepped out of the shop a little while later with my tanktop twisted into a little knot at the back, proudly displaying my newly pierced belly button. I had been freaking out when they brought out the needle but Nick told me that I could squeeze his hand as hard as I needed to. Needless to say I practically crippled his hand for life. (I don't take pain very well in case you didn't notice.)
It was worth it though because the small silver hoop with the little green ball did look good on me. Even Nick admitted that it looked pretty sexy.
"So now where to?" I asked him.
"Wherever you want," he told me.
"You know I think I need to buy a few more belly shirts and halters to show off my stomach off. Why don't we head over to Rainbow?"
"Fine," Nick finally agreed. I expected a lot more of a fight from him considering that he hates going shopping especially with me since I take forever to decide on anything.
I gave him a smile as if to say thanks and took his hand as we started to walk towards Rainbow which was on the other side of the mall. Just when I thought that everything was great I started to get that
feeling that something bad was about to happen. Nick was babbling on about something but I really wasn't listening to him. I was listening to a pair of teenage girls that were walking very close behind us. One had long blonde layered hair and a body like a Barbie doll and the other had long curly chestnut colored hair and freckles, obviously the blonde chick's little sidekick. They both appeared to be about 17 or 18 and they were both trying to speak quietly but I couldn't help but overhear.
"Oh my God Shannon! It's HIM!" the blonde exclaimed.
"How can you be sure? Anyway what would Nick Carter be doing in the middle of the mall where anyone can spot him?" her friend tried to reason.
"I don't know Shannon but I'd recognize that bubble butt anywhere! Anyway look at his arms. They have the exact same tattoos on them as Nick does! I doubt it's just some guy trying to be like him."
"So what are you going to do? Are you gonna go over and say hi?" the girl who I reasoned must be Shannon asked.
"I dunno. I wonder who's that chick he's with? I mean damn he like just broke up with Mandy and already it looks like he's found a replacement," the blonde remarked.
"No Tiffany that isn't his girlfriend. It's his 'cousin'!" Shannon told her exploding into giggles.
"Yea," Tiffany agreed. "Just like Mandy was his 'cousin' until someone saw them kissing."
"Do you think she's like Mandy?" Shannon asked.
"Oh God I hope not! Sometimes I seriously wondered why he put up with her shit for so long. I'm SO glad they broke up," Tiffany told her.
"Hmm... Well, there's only one way to tell if she's like Mandy or not..." Shannon trailed off.
"To put her to the test," Tiffany finished up for her. "Now c'mon!" she ordered grabbing Shannon's arm.
"What are you going to do?" Shannon asked curiously.
"You'll see," Tiffany said mysteriously. Before I knew it they had approached me and Nick.
"Excuse me," Tiffany spoke up speaking directly to Nick. "Sorry to bother you but aren't you Nick Carter?"
"Yea, I am," Nick admitted giving me a secret glance as if to say I can't go anywhere without running into a fan but when his attention was focused back on Tiffany and Shannon he made sure he had that famous Carter smile plastered on his face.
"Do you think we can get your autograph?" Tiffany asked him.
"Well, I don't have a pen," Nick told her.
"It's OK. I have one," Shannon volunteered as she dug into her bag. "Here you go."
While he was signing both their Gap bags Tiffany looked over at me. "I don't mean to get personal with you but is that you're new girlfriend?" she asked Nick.
"Yea, it is," Nick admitted, knowing from experience that his fans would eventually find out the truth anyway.
"Oh," Tiffany said and as soon as Nick bent his head down to sign Shannon's bag the two of them both gave me the dirtiest look that anyone has ever given me in all my 18 years.
When Nick was done Kimberly said, "Well, we better get going but before we go do you think that I could get a hug?"
"Sure," Nick agreed.
The events of the next few seconds happened to quickly for the innocent onlooker to even fully comprehend exactly what happened. Nick had wrapped his arms around her for a quick hug but before he had a chance to pull away Tiffany had placed her lips on his. It was amazing how quick she was. Before I knew it there was this 17 year old teenybopper kissing my boyfriend! And it wasn't a small kiss either. I was almost positive there was some tongue involved there.
The kiss may have only lasted seconds but it felt like hours. Why wasn't Nick pulling away? Why did it seem like he was kissing back? I must have turned white as a ghost because Shannon stood back and gave me a satisfied smile.
When they finally pulled apart Tiffany look up at him with a smile and said. "Thank you. I don't think I'll ever forget that."
Then they were gone, Shannon's whiny voice squeaking loudly, "I can't believe you frenched THE Nick Carter!"
Then it was the two of us tensely facing each other. "I can't believe you!" I said with a totally disgusted face.
"How was I supposed to know she was going to do that?" Nick asked.
"The least you could have done was turn away! Instead you just kissed her back!" I shouted not realizing that I was yelling until people began to give me strange looks.
Nick took my arm and led me out to the parking lot where it was a little more private. "I was in shock OK? I did the first thing that I could think of when I kissed her back. It was all basic instinct. I didn't know what to do because a fan's never done that to me before," he tried to explain.
"Uh huh sure they haven't. Meanwhile I bet all those rumors about you are true!" I shot back.
"What rumors are you talking about?" Nick asked.
"Don't act like you don't know! Don't give me this 'Oh, I never slept with a fan' shit!" I challenged him. "It's probably true what's written in the tabloids!"
"You know I'm not like that Lyssa! I don't think that just because I have all this fame and money that all I have to do is flaunt it in front of any girls face and they'll immediately fall in love with me!"
"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes. I've never felt so much anger in a long time. I couldn't control my rage and words were flailing out of my mouth quicker than I could even realize the impact they had. "I bet the only reason you ever even started to talk to me was because you could tell I liked you and you figured that you could take advantage of me! I'm glad I didn't do anything more than just make out with you! At least I have some dignity left!"
I could tell as soon as I let out the part about Nick never really caring about me that I had struck a nerve. "I don't know where you come up with this stuff Lyssa but I can assure the whole thing is in your head! I love you and when I say those 3 words I really mean them instead of just throwing them out thinking that I'll get some quicker! I'm not one of those guys and if you think I am then you're most definitely fucked up!" he exploded.
"If you loved me so much why did you have your tongue down that Barbie doll's throat? Am I that ugly and revolting that you have to kiss her right in front of me?"
"You know what your problem is Lyssa? You have no self-esteem! You're so concerned about how you look compared to other girls that you forget that it's what's inside that counts! I'm sorry but I'm sick of hearing 'ugh, I'm so ugly. I'm too fat. I wish I could look like her.' After a while it really starts to piss me off!"
"That's not true," I murmured shakily my eyes brimming with tears but to proud to let them fall down my face.
"You know it is and you know what else? You're just like Mandy, a jealous bitch! If you can't deal with my fans then I guess you can't deal with me!" he yelled, each one of his words hitting me like a slap in the face, especially the jealous bitch part.
"If that's how you always felt then why do you date me?" I yelled back.
"That's a good question," he answered as we approached his car. "Now get in."
"No!" I protested stubbornly.
"Get in the fucking car Lyssa," he commanded, obviously losing his patience with me.
"I refuse to be in the same car with you. I'll walk," I told him firmly and started to turn away.
"There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk home by yourself. Now get in!' he begged.
"What do you care?" I argued. "I mean I'm just a jealous bitch with self-esteem problems!"
Finally Nick just lost it and tossed me his keys. "Fine be that way! I'll walk. You can drive home!"
"No way! You're probably get mobbed by a gang of your adoring fans!" I said sarcastically.
"What do you care?" he shot back mimicking my previous comment. "Anyway if your analysis about me is correct then I wouldn't mind that one bit!" Then without another glance he strode off.
It wasn't until I was in his car that I started to cry. I replayed the whole awful scene in my head and realized how dumb it sounded. We had both said things that we didn't mean but the only problem was that we couldn't take anything back. The wounds had been inflicted and they wouldn't be easy to heal. As I thought about it I had pretty much kissed my first romance away and the worst part was that I had to live with Nick and see him every single solitary day.
Rustling through my bag I found some tissues and tried to pull myself together. I still needed to drive home and concentrate on the road. I needed some music to take my mind off Nick.
As I backed out of the parking lot I turned on the radio just as Most Girls by Pink was starting. Driving down the road I thought I was honestly going to be OK but unfortunately the very next song was From the Bottom of my Broken Heart by Britney Spears and that's when I lost it. The mountain of tears that had been threatening to tumble down during my whole fight with Nick came down in a violent torrent. I tried desperately to blink them away since I still needed to see the road to drive but it didn't work. Finally I decided to pull over on the side of the road to pull myself together only I didn't see the other car changing lanes. All I felt was the collision, Nick's car being smashed off to the side into perhaps a tree, the crunch of metal and shattered glass and finally my forehead hitting the dashboard. Then everything was black.
The next thing I knew I felt as if I were laying down on a bed. Even though my eyes were closed I could sense bright lights. Am I dead? Is this heaven? I wondered.
Slowly the rest of my senses began to wake up. I could feel a slight pressure against the palm of my hand like as if someone was squeezing it lightly. Then I could ever so faintly make out a very familiar voice.
"Lyssa please! You have to wake up! I'm sorry for all those things I said to you today in the parking lot. I was way out of line and if only I could take back those words then you wouldn't be here right now. If you die I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself. So, please wake up Lessa. I love you just please don't die," I recognized Nick's pleading voice.
Although I couldn't hear every word in my mindless fog every once in a while I'd catch a little phrase. I recognized, "Please wake up!" "Don't die!" and "I'm sorry." But I think the 3 words that gave me the most strength to open up my eyes were the words I love you.
I frantically fought to open my eyes and finally they fluttered open and I was looking into Nick's clear blue eyes.
"You're awake!" he exclaimed happily throwing his arms around to hug me as best as he could. "I thought I'd lost you for good!"
"What happened?" I asked wearily.
"You were in a car accident," he explained. "Don't you remember we had that huge fight at the mall?"
Oh, yea. Now I remembered. Things were beginning to make sense again. I tried to shift my position in the hospital bed but when I moved I winced in pain. My ribs felt like there was a 500 pound person sitting on them.
"You bruised a couple of ribs," Nick explained recognizing the obvious discomfort on my face.
"Anything else I should know?" I asked him.
"Well, aside from the ribs, a moderate concussion, and a few minor cuts and bruises you're going to be fine," he promised. "I'm so glad you woke up. I was really worried about you. I feel so guilty now about everything I said before."
"It was all my fault," I argued with him. "It sounds so dumb when I think about it now. I can't believe how jealous I was over a little teenybopper!"
"It's OK. I probably deserved everything that I got coming to me but lets put the past behind us," Nick suggested.
"Good idea," I agreed. "So, how's the car? Did I do any damage to it?"
Nick didn't answer me and just started laughing. I must have gave him a really weird look because he immediately answered, "Any damage? That's quite an understatement! The car's a total wreck!"
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I'll pay you back every last cent even if I have to work until I'm a 100!" I told him. I honestly felt horrible because I knew that his car wasn't exactly cheap.
"That's not necessary," he assured me. "I can always buy a new car but you're irreplaceable. I'd never be able to find someone quite like you," he told me. "So, do you think we can just forgive and forget?" he asked as he intertwined his fingers with mine.
"I think so," I answered trying not to cry. I had cried way to much today.
"I'm glad," he told me with a grin as he leaned down to kiss me. Just then a doctor came in and interrupted this perfect moment.
"She's awake," Nick announced.
"That's wonderful," the doctor said with relief. "We need to run a few tests right now so I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he told Nick.
"OK, well I guess I'm getting kicked out now," he said with a laugh. "I'll be back tomorrow," he promised as he gave me a small kiss on the cheek and turned away not letting go of my hand until he absolutely had to.