From the moment we arrived home Nick and David began playing each other's roles. Nick grabbed David's bags and threw them in the room we had prepared for David. David took Nick's keys and got used to the idea he drove a prowler. I kept my mouth shut, knowing they'd both kill me if I told
.
Then it was time for "Nick" to go home. This posed a problem. David had no idea where Nick lived. I got us out of this one.
"David and I are gonna go back with Nick," I said.
"Okay," Mom said. David looked at me.
"Thanks," he said.
"Not a problem," I said.
"I don't live far, you won't have much trouble," he said.
"Good," he said. "Anything I should know?"
"Uh my best friend is Brian and he's married to Leighanne, I have caller ID so if you don't want to answer the phone you don't have to. I have 4 pugs and a really big house," he said.
"I think I can remember that," he said.
"Call me if you need me, I'm first on the speedial," I said. He nodded and turned into the driveway.
"Can you show me where everything is?" he asked.
"Sure," Nick agreed. I played with the dogs while Nick gave David the grand tour. I knew this was going to be an interesting few weeks.
Nick and I walked back to our house in relative silence.
"Probably, unless…" he said.
"Unless what?" I asked.
"Shit! Jessica was gonna come over tonight. I completely forgot!" he said.
"Can you still call her?" I asked.
"No, it's too late now, she was coming in from San Diego today and should be there in like 10 minutes," he said.
"Uh oh," I said.
"That's an understatement," he said.
Meanwhile David had just sat down to watch some T.V. when the doorbell rang.
"Oh what the hell," he said, getting up. He opened the door and saw a tall blonde waiting on the front porch.
"Hi Nick," she said.
"Who are you?" he asked. She got offended.
"What do you mean who am I?" she said.
"Just what I said," David answered. "Who are you?"
"Hello! I'm your girlfriend!" she snapped.
"You are? Damn Nick I've seen better," he said.
"Excuse me, first you don't know me and now you're talking to yourself?" she said. David then remembered he was supposed to be Nick. Hhmm I could really milk this opportunity he thought.
"Oh I'm sorry, you see I fell today and hit my head on the counter and I've been getting confused all day. Come in," he said. She smiled.
"Oh, I'm sorry baby. Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?" she asked. David winced.
"No thanks hon, it's really fine," he said.
"Okay," she said. David tried to keep himself from gagging. How could Nick put up with this chick? He was sick of her after 2 minutes.
"So what are we doing tonight?" she asked.
"I was just gonna watch some T.V.," David said.
"But you said we were gonna go out," she whined.
"No I didn't," he said.
"Yes you did, I remember when I called last night you said we were gonna go to dinner when I got here," she said.
"Well I changed my mind, I'm tired," he said.
"Okay fine, no nookie for you tonight," she said.
"Big damn deal, go away," David said. She was really getting on his nerves. All he wanted to do was watch some T.V. and bum out and this demanding little bitch had to come in a ruin his plans.
"What? Did you just tell me to go away?" she said.
"Yep, do you not speak English?" he said, not looking away from the screen. She made a noise at a pitch reserved for dogs and then began to scream about something. David tuned her out. He wanted her to just go away. Finally he turned around and looked at her.
"Are you talking?" he asked.
"What?" she said.
"Are you talking or are you just babbling some crap that I really don't wanna hear?" he said.
"Nick what the hell is wrong with you? You must have really hit your head hard if you are talking to me like that," she said.
"Look, if you wanna get in somebody's pants then go get a man whore, I for one am not interested," he said. "And the door's that way."
"Are you kicking me out?" she asked.
"Would you like me to throw you out?" he asked. "Now leave before I decide to break up with you."
"Break up with me?" she said. "Two days ago you were begging me to stay."
"Well that was two days ago," he said. "And I don't see you leaving."
"I'm not," she said. David stared at Jessica.
"Okay, we're through. Happy now? I'm breaking up with you! Now get out of my house," he said. She turned bright red and ran out of the house.
"Jeez Nick how did you stand that demanding little wench?" he asked himself as he turned the volume back up on the T.V.