(AJ's POV)
I left home that night once again without telling Amanda. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I didn’t want to have to fall in love. It would hurt just like it did with Marisa. I left for the newest club in town with the guys. Of course I lied to them and told them that I had told her. I think their girlfriends had been on their case to watch me. I never really did anything bad, I just danced. At least that’s what I told myself.
“Bone that girl is checking you out” Nicky pointed out a hot blonde. Legs that went on forever. I approached her.
“Hi my name is AJ”
“Emma”
“You wanna dance?”
“Sure” I led her to the dance floor and began grinding. My heart said to stay with this girl, but my mind told me to stay with Amanda. I felt a twinge of guilt. I pulled away, telling her that my friend was calling me. She told me that it was all right and in a few words told me that she wanted to hook up.
“Rok I’m leaving” Brian looked at me funny.
“Okay talk later” I got in my car and headed straight to our house. I practically jumped out of the window. I knew this was the time.
“Amanda!” I yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I got no answer. I hurried up the stairs and to our room. There were boxers strewn across the room. “Amanda what’s going on?” She turned around and I saw her tear stained face.
“Oh panda I’m so sorry” I reached out to hug her but she pulled away.
“I’m sorry won’t work now. AJ, what is so wrong that you don’t want to be with me?”
“I’m just scared” Great, there was no hope for me now. She was leaving. “Panda, don’t go!” I pleaded.
“AJ it’s for the best” she replied emotionlessly. She pushed past me and walked out of the room. Out of my life.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I quickly dialed Brian’s number. Maybe she went with Leighanne. “Lei, it’s me AJ”
“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now” Well at least I knew where she was. “Brian’s coming over with something from Manda.”
“Okay. Tell her I love her.”
“I will” she hung up the phone with no goodbye. I only wondered what she had for me but the doorbell interrupted my thoughts.
“Bone, Amanda asked me to give you this” he handed me a Brian McKnight CD. His newest one. “Play track 12. I gotta go. Do the right this AJ”
I barely heard what he said. I ran up to my room. The song began.
Thinkin’ back in time
Someone said that love was blind
But they were wrong
You just chose to not see
’AJ I love you’. She whispered after our love making session. I froze. Did I really feel it? Instinctively I said it back. She fell asleep contentedly in my arms. I didn’t know if I believed in love. Did it exist?
Time and time you disappoint when she believes
Just do your best
And give her what she needs...
‘AJ where are you going?’
‘Just out with the guys. I’ll be home later’ I kissed he softly and walked out.
‘Oh okay. I love you’
‘I love you too’
~~~~~~
Oh crap I just realized why she was soo upset when I left. I promised her a night just the two of us. I knew I disappointed her. I left the club and ran home. She was on the couch crying. ‘Panda I am soo sorry. Forgive me?’
She nodded yes. I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her head. Her hair smelled so wonderful. I felt what I didn’t want to feel. Love. It scared me.
Cherish her love
Show her she’s right where she belongs
Take care of her heart
Before she’s gone
Cherish her love
To make up for the pain I caused her I planned a candle light dinner. I had my mom make some food since I’m the worst cook in the world. I got us some wine and set the table all nice and pretty. She walked down the stairs in just a pair of jeans and s baby tee. Still she looked amazing. I had that same feeling in the pit of my stomach. I shook my head trying not to focus on in. ‘Have a seat my lady’ I pulled out a chair for her. She smiled over at me and the feeling grew more intense. After dinner I led her to the bedroom. I had put rose petals on the bed, dimmed the lights and put on some Brian McKnight.
Isn’t it funny that what helped me make up to her was now killing me very slowly. I put the song on pause and walked to the bathroom. I desperately needed her. I slowly made my way into the shower. I slumped against the shower wall and let the tears fall. How could I have been so stupid? I let the one person I loved slip through my hands. I felt like a loser. I tried my hardest to climb out of the shower and I barely succeeded. Without even drying off I climbed back under the sheets and played the song from where I had left off.
It might be hard to conceive
You gotta see the forest despite the trees
Before it all burns down
Not telling you nothing you don’t know
I kept thinking that she was gonna leave. But I failed to see something very important. If she was gonna go she would have all ready. I had treated her like shit. I’m surprised she didn’t leave earlier. She never gave up on me. When Brian went through his surgery she kept telling me he would be all right and in the end he was but if it hadn’t been for her I might have lost my mind. Then when Denniz Pop died she went with me. She had also lost someone close to her so one night she told me how she still saw her. That they were looking out for the people they were closest to.
But she’ll let you have your fun
But when a woman’s done she’s done
And then she’ll go
Just when you’re needing her the most
I wish I had realized how I felt earlier. I wouldn’t be without her. She’d be in my arms right now. I wouldn’t feel like running myself into a wall right now. I wouldn’t be crying. The phone rang. I quickly wiped my tears away.
“Yeah”
“AJ” she had been crying too.
“Look I’m soo sorry. I’m an idiot I know. I was just scared that you were gonna leave me. If I didn’t feel anything it wouldn’t hurt” She took a sharp breath in. “I loved you all along. I just denied that. Please forgive me”
“AJ, we’ll talk about this later but right now it’s very late and I’m tired. But honey all you had to do was tell me.”
“I know” if that was all it took I’m certainly the most stupid man in America.
“AJ I’ll see you later I love you”
“I love you too” she hung up the phone. I smiled to myself. But I need to finish listening to the song.
Time and time again you disappoint
When she believes do all you can
To give her what she needs
I had an idea. I pulled out the ring I was supposed to give to my future fiancée. I was going to ask her to marry me. I just hope she would say yes. I curled up on her side of the bed and fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“AJ, I’m home” I ran down the stairs and kissed her.
“I missed you”
“I missed you too. But we still need to talk”
“Fine by me. Just don’t leave okay” I teased.
“AJ, I need to know that you won’t be fooling around anymore.” I nodded. “Okay, well then I think I forgive you. And baby I won’t leave you. I love you”
“I love you too. And I have a question”
“What is it baby?” I got down on one knee. She clasped he hand over her mouth.
“Panda, I love you and I’m so sorry that I took a fight to realize that. I know I need you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”
“AJ yes” She kissed me softly. “Can we tell everyone?”
“Anything you want” She began calling everyone in the Backstreet Family.
“They are coming over in a few. Your mom’s coming first”
“Okay anything for you” I kissed her once more as the doorbell rang. “Mom!” I ran up and hugged her.
“What do you two need to tell me?”
“We’re getting married” A smile slowly crept up on her face
“I’m soo happy for you two” We all had a group hug and once again the doorbell rang.
“Okay bud wuz up” Kevin asked.
They all sat down. Each guy was with his other. We were all so happy. It was the first time that it was all at once. “Well me and Amanda are getting married” All the girls jumped up and hugged her. The guys hugged me.
“Hey I won’t be the only Backstreet Wife” Becca mocked.
“And I won’t be the only married guy in the group” Nick hugged Amanda. We all had a nice little party that day. It was the family I never had. I have siblings and hopefully a niece or nephew on the way. (I look to Becca and Nick)