I yawned and looked at the clock. It was 1:26am. Nick was staying with Brian right now, AJ and Howie went back to their hotel, and Kevin was in the waiting room with me. I was sitting on small couch listlessly watching late night reruns on V and he was reading a book on the other couch. A lot had happened in the past few hours. Kevin got everything straightened out regarding their tour and other management stuff. The biggest thing that had happened is that the media had finally found us. At about midnight one of the nurses knocked on our door to tell us that there were reporters outside. Security was tightened so none of them were allowed inside. We turned on the news to see if anything was being said about us and sure enough one channel gave out the details. I don’t know why there was news at midnight, but maybe they broke in to the Tonight Show or something. Somehow they found out my name and even got ahold of a picture of me. I wish I knew where they got it. It was at a Christmas party from work this past year. I guess whoever took it must have sent it in to the TV station. Now the world knows who I am and where I got to school. They will probably find out where I live too, if they haven’t already. When this came on Kevin gave me an “I told you so” look and said that now more than ever I needed to be careful. Nick teased me about my goofy grin in the picture. I think I was laughing when they took it, but I don’t remember what I was laughing at. I had to remind Nick that there are pictures of him all over everywhere and I could find one that he looked funny in.

Last, Brian’s parents called. They called at about 11:30 or so to tell him that they got a flight and it would land at 6:51 or something tomorrow morning. No, wait, it is this morning. We are in today now. That leaves them just barely enough time to get their bags and stuff and get here before he goes in the pre-op room. I yawned again. In about a half an hour it would be my turn to go sit in with Brian.

“Ellie, you look exhausted. Why don’t you try to sleep for a little while?” I jumped at Kevin’s voice.

“No, no. I’m not tired.” I protested. “I am a night owl. I usually stay up a lot later than this.”

“Uh huh. Well look at everything that has happened today. Anyone would be tired.” He reasoned.

“Nope.” I said stubbornly.

“Okay whatever you say. Have you eaten anything yet?” He asked, changing the subject.

I shook my head. “I’m not really hungry.”

“You need to eat.” He said sternly.

I smiled at his concern. “I will.”

We lapsed back into silence and I went back into my TV program that I was hardly watching in the first place. The next half an hour passed pretty quickly, to my surprise. Before I knew it, it was 1:55am.

“Kevin, I am going to relieve Nick now.” I said. This time he was the one who jumped. I giggled.

He laughed. “I guess I was a little absorbed in my book huh? Call my cell if you need anything okay? Bri’s cell should be in the bedside table.”

I nodded and slipped out of the room. The hallway’s overhead lights were dimmed and it was pretty quiet. I never minded hospitals at night. I used to wander the halls and different floors in the middle of the night when everything was relatively peaceful. I never did sleep much in these places.

ICU let me and it was also quiet. There was a different nurse sitting at the desk. That was fine with me. I was fairly certain that Laura would have given me a hard time for wandering around so late at night. I smiled at her as I walked past her to Brian’s room. She nodded at me. I knocked and waited outside. A moment later Nick emerged. He looked tired.

“How is he?” I asked softly.

“He has been asleep ever since I have been here. Well, Shari came in once to give him a pill or something. Other than that, though, he’s been asleep. He has been tossing and turning a lot though.”

I nodded. “I don’t know how well I would sleep the night before major surgery either.”

“No joke.” Nick said. “Well I think I am going to back to our waiting room now. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Need anything before I go?” He asked.

I shook my head. “I have had a few cups of coffee. I’m good to go.”

He laughed. “Okay then. Call if you need anything.”

“I will, thanks.” We hugged for a moment and then I went into Brian’s room. The room was darker than the hallway. There was a small light under the bed that cast a faint glow about the room. All the machines around and behind his bed beeped steadily. You would think that all those beeps would be unnerving. It wasn’t though. It had sort of a calming effect. Perhaps it was the steady rhythm. If it became irregular, I don’t know what I would do. I looked at Brian. At the moment he was sleeping peacefully. I reached into his bedside table to see if his phone was still there. It was and to my delight so was Nick’s Gameboy.

I sat in a chair by the bed and watched Brian for a minute. He really amazed me. The whole time that we have been here, he was more concerned with everyone else than himself. He didn’t want any of us to worry about him. This whole thing was still so unreal. I don’t think this is what anyone would have in mind when they envisioned meeting the Backstreet Boys. It sure wasn’t what I ever imagined would happen. My thoughts wandered to Jack. I wondered if he has any clue what is going on. I would imagine that the news is all over everywhere. He usually keeps up with what is going on. I hadn’t even thought of that. My friends had probably seen it too. They are probably wondering what the heck is going on. My answering machine is probably full.

The next hour passed without event. I played Gameboy for most of it. Brian got a little more restless, but that was it. Shari came in every so often to check on him and to fiddle with his IV pump. My butt started to get sore from sitting in the same position so I got up and walked over to the window. There was a ledge there so I climbed on it and leaned my head against the cool glass. It was a clear night and I could even see a few stars despite all the lights in the area. The window faced the on the side of the hospital so I couldn’t tell if there were people still outside. After AJ and Howie had left, they called to tell us that a crowd was gathering out front. Fans and media. We were relieved when they told us that they made it out without causing a scene.

“Nooo...”

I turned my head around in Brian’s direction. Those blasted machines blocked my view so I couldn’t see what was wrong. “Brian?” I called out softly. There was no answer. Then a rustling of sheets.

“Nooo...please...”

I got off my ledge and walked over to the bed. He was tossing and turning all around and he looked like he was having a nightmare. The sheets were twisted all around him. “Brian. Shhhh. You’re having a nightmare.” I whispered. I reached out to put my hand on his shoulder to get him to calm down. Without warning he bolted upright with a gasp, his eyes wide open with fear. He was breathing hard.

“Brian? What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice full of concern.

His eyes darted around the room before finally settling on me. “I stopped breathing.” He whispered.

“What?” I asked, confused. Wouldn’t the alarms have sounded?

“They were operating on me and then I woke up. I could feel everything and I tried to tell them, but they didn’t care. Then I couldn’t breathe and they didn’t even notice.” He shuddered. So I was right, it was a nightmare. I sat down on the edge of the bed so I was facing him. He was drenched in sweat and his hair was matted to his head.

“Bri, it was just a nightmare. Nothing like that would ever really happen. You won’t wake up in the middle of the operation. And even if you stopped breathing, which won’t happen, the surgeons will know about it immediately. That won’t happen though. Everything is going to go fine.” I tried to reassure him.

“I’m not ready for this.” He said softly, his eyes filling with tears.

“Aww hun.” I pulled him into a hug. He put his head on my shoulder and just cried. I could feel him trembling ever so slightly. I rubbed his back as he repeated over and over, “I’m not ready....”

“We’re all here for you. You aren’t in this alone. We are praying for you and we know you will be just fine.” I said softly.

“No...I can’t do this.” He choked out.

Tears pricked my eyes. What could I say to him?! None of us really knew what he was going through. The past month of trying to be brave and strong for everyone else all caught up with him. I knew that they started him on some medication in preparation for tomorrow and wondered if that might have added to this. Sometimes medications have an effect on your emotions. Not to mention that he just woke up from what was, obviously, a terrifying nightmare.

“Bri, I know you’re scared. That is totally okay. You are going to come out fine though.” I said soothingly.

His crying grew harder. “Please, can’t we wait a little longer? A few more days?” He pleaded. It was killing me to see him like this.

“Hun, you know we can’t. The sooner you go in there, the sooner you start feeling better.” I said.

He didn’t respond, but kept crying softly. We sat like that for a few minutes. My arms around him while he cried. I heard the door creak and I looked up to see Kevin poke his head around the curtain. His eyes widened in alarm at the sight of Brian crying on my shoulder. I lifted one of my hands and waved it to say that it was okay. He nodded and went back out into the hall. Brian never noticed that Kevin came in. I glanced up at the clock on the was and was mildly surprised to see that it was already almost 4:00.

“Ohh...” Brian moaned softly.

I pulled away slightly, but kept my hands on Brian’s shoulders. He suddenly looked exhausted, like this had taken everything right out of him “Are you okay?” I looked up at the machines. His heart rate had increased, but not enough to be of any danger. It was the same with his blood pressure.

“My chest hurts.” He murmured.

I nodded. “Do you want me to get your nurse?”

“No! Stay with me until I fall asleep.” He looked at me with those clear blue eyes.

“Of course I will.” I helped him lean back onto his pillows. Then I pulled one of the chairs closer to his bed and sat down in it. He settled onto his side and I began softly rubbing his back. “My mom used to do this when I was little.” I explained.

He murmured something in response and then was quiet. I continued rubbing his back while I watched the monitors. In almost no time at all they became steady again and I could feel him breathing evenly. I knew that he was asleep. After another five minutes I got up to let Kevin take over.

He was standing in the hall drinking yet another cup of coffee. He saw me and immediately asked what had happened.

“He had a nightmare that he went into the surgery and woke up in the middle of it and no one seemed to care even though he was in a lot of pain. Then he stopped breathing and no one noticed. He was pretty shook up about it. Then he completely broke down and kept saying over and over that he wasn’t ready.” I explained.

“I was afraid this would happen.” Kevin shook his head.

“He was pretty out of it. I would be surprised if he even remembers it tomorrow.” I said.

“He probably won’t.” He looked at me carefully. “Are you okay?”

I looked down. “It was just hard to see him like that.” I said softly. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to meet Kevin’s eyes.

“I know, El. Why don’t you try to get some rest? You look dead on your feet. Go back into the waiting room and try to get some sleep.” That wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order. I smiled.

“Thanks Kevin.” I reached up and gave him a hug. Then he went in with Brian and I walked back to our room. Kevin was right. I could barely keep my eyes open. The days events had taken its toll on me and I was feeling the effects of it now. I went into the room to find Nick stretched out on the couch in front of the TV, watching infomercials. He looked up at me when I walked in and gave me a sheepish grin.

“There’s nothing else on.” He explained.

“Uh huh, sure.” I laughed.

He sat up to make room for me. I plopped down next to him.

“So how is he?” Nick asked.

“Well, he had a nightmare, but other than that he was fine.”

“A nightmare? What happened?” I could hear the worry in his voice.

“It was about his surgery, but he is okay. He probably won’t even remember it in the morning.” I told him. I didn’t want to go into detail because I knew it would upset Nick. To my relief, he didn’t say anything else. He just looked at me for a moment.

“Ellie, you need to get some sleep. You look horrible.” He informed me.

“Thanks a lot.” I said with a chuckle. I couldn’t even imagine how bad I looked.

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that! You just look worn out, that’s all!” He tried to explain, flustered.

“I know what you mean.” I laughed which turned into more of a sob and almost without warning I began to cry. Geez! Haven’t I done enough of that today?!

Suddenly Nick’s arm was around me. “Hey now. It’s going to be okay. Here.” He grabbed a pillow that was on the other side of him and put it in his lap. I scooted myself so I could lie down and put my head on the pillow. Then he took a blanket that was sitting on the top of the couch and draped it over me.

“I’m sorry.” I said through my unwanted tears.

“Don’t be sorry El. Just try to get some sleep okay? Everything is going to be okay.” He soothed.

“Will you wake me up if anything happens?” I mumbled. Sleep was coming fast and it was doing no good to fight it.

“I promise. Now get some rest.” He said. His voice seemed like it was coming from another room. I knew 7:30 was going to come really fast and the longer I stayed awake, the more tired I would be. I said a quick prayer for all of us and especially Brian and that is the last thing I remembered before sleep took me away.