"Black-Dove January"
Chapter 1

            Raegan shivered and pulled the old grey wool coat she wore
tighter. Pulling the collar around her neck, she tried her hardest to find
that scent. Sometimes if she smelled long enough, she could detect the
faintest odor of her grandfather's cigar smoke. She took in deep breaths,
and could barely detect the smell now. But it still provided her with some
comfort. She could now think back and remember the old days when she was
about 6 or 7. She'd go out for walks with her grandfather. Sometimes on January
days like this one. Her grandpa would put on this very coat and smoke his cigar.
He wouldn't dare smoke it in the house where her father would find out.
Everything was so simple back then. And so much easier. Everything changed
once her grandfather passed away when she was 10. Her father changed. He
started drinking heavily. At first it wasn't so bad. Raegan would just make
a point to stay out of his way so she wouldn't get yelled at. But then it got
harder and harder to avoid him. He would make her sit and listen to his
tyrade about how her mother left them. How she was a no-good whore. How now that
grandpa was gone they had nothing. And most of all how Raegan had been a
mistake. She didn't remember much about her mother. She knew she had her
mother's beautiful stawberry blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. At least
that's what her grandfather had said. Her only vivid memory was when she was
3 and had been awaken at night. Going out into the hall, she had seen her
mother walking down the stairs, suitcase in hand. "Mommy?", she had called out. Her
mother turned around and looked at her, then saying nothing, turned back
around and continued down the stairs. That look was still embedded in
Raegan's mind. She couldn't shake it. And she still couldn't figure out what was in
that look her mother gave her that intrigued her so. Was it love she saw?
Disgust? A combination of the two?
              After her mom left, her grandfather had come to live with
them. Now faced with the task of having to provide for a child all by himself, her
father needed someone to look after Raegan and the household while he
worked. So she was around her grandfather a lot more than her father. He would call
her his "Rae-Rae" and read to her, play games with her, teach her how to
play piano, take her on walks every afternoon. He was always there for her. On
her first day of kindergarden he walked through the path in the woods with her
to the bus stop, waved as she got on the bus, and promised her he would be
waiting right here when she got back. And later that afternoon, there he
was.
                But that changed when she was 10. One day she woke up by
herself, curious as to why her grandfather had not carried out the
day-to-day ritual of waking her every morning for school. Getting out of bed and going
into her grandfather's room, she discovered him lying limp on the bed. Even
though as she felt him she knew he was dead, she still wanted to believe he
would be alliright. After calling 911, she just sat by her grandfather's
body and waited for the paramedics to come. The doctors said he had died from
heart disease which he got from smoking all those cigars.
                That's when the abuse started. Yelling soon wasn't enough
for her father. Soon she got punches thrown in her direction as well as nasty
words and cut downs. She'd take his abuse. How would she run from it? If she
told the counselors at school they would take her away. Take her away from
their house set back in the woods she loved so much and away from all the
memories she held of her grandfather. So she covered it up. All through
school she would keep to herself. She never had many friends. A few people she
occasionally talked to now and then. And when she would get bruises, a
little Cover Girl would go a long way in terms of hiding things.