Fall From Grace

Chapter 18

by Danielle

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NOTE: See the end of the email for a special feature of this chapter

"Hello Brian."

Ann tried to hug Brian, but let her arms fall to her sides when he stepped back out of her reach.

"What are you doing here?"

Ann raised an eyebrow, "I’ve come here to see my son."

"Brian, can you....."

Nick stopped in the middle of his sentence, his arm still around Kevin who was leaning against him in their trek to the kitchen for Kevin’s lunch.

Nick felt Kevin’s body stiffen with surprise and instinctively his arm went tighter around Kevin, trying to protect him from the one woman he shouldn’t have to protect him from, his own mother.

Kevin felt Nick’s arm tighten around him and felt reassured by the weight of it, leaning closer, silently showing his mother that he was finding all the comfort he needed in Nick’s arms.

I’ve got money in my pocket.

I like the color of my hair

I’ve got a friend who loves me

I’ve got a house,

I’ve got a car

Ann stood just inside of the door and looked Kevin over from his nap mussed hair, to the green Grinch head slippers that Dylan had dragged down from Nick’s closet and insisted his Daddy wear when he got up from his nap.

Kevin looked back at her, not sure exactly what he should be feeling. He knew that maybe he should be happy, but he couldn’t quite shake the feelings of abandonment enough to accomplish it. Instead, he simply looked at her as she looked at him.

Nick wanted to give her a piece of his mind, oooh how he wanted to rip a strip off of her. But he couldn’t. It had to be Kevin’s decision. All he could do was support Kevin, no matter what his feelings were on the matter.

Kevin felt torn in two. On one side, he wanted to run to her with open arms and cry on her shoulder for all that had happened and was happening to him. But the other side remembered the words that had come from her mouth, the ones telling him that he was not her son any longer, that he was dead in her eyes. And now when that statement has proved almost a prophecy, here she was. The pain was still too fresh, the memory of a returned wedding invitation being ripped up and scattered to the breeze was in the forefront of his mind when he blinked his eyes to clear the vision and focused on the woman in front of him.

The two sides were fighting inside of him. He remembered his childhood and how she comforted him and guided him through all the rough times. How strong she was after his Dad died. How she was unfailing in her support to him until that one moment. Her legacy ran deep inside him, and that was what kept him from turning around and walking away that moment.

I’ve got a good mother

And her voice is what keeps me here

Feet on ground

Heart in hand

"Daddy, can I have some chocolate milk?"

Dylan wandered out into the front hall and Kevin crouched down and held his arms out to the little boy, lifting him in his arms. "What do your moms say about that?"

Dylan hugged his dad tightly around the neck, "Please Daddy?

Kevin smiled and hugged Dylan to him tightly, "We’ll see. Maybe we can with lunch if Nick will make some for us."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Oh sure, make me have the guilt trip if he doesn’t get any!"

Kevin smiled at him, silently thanking Nick with his eyes for going along with the fake levity he was trying to produce for Dylan’s sake. "And this is not the perfect plan how?"

Nick rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation, hugging the both of them and kissing Dylan’s forehead, "Daddy and I have to talk to someone and then we’ll make lunch and yes, we’ll have chocolate milk. Okay?"

Dylan nodded and put an arm around Nick’s neck, snuggling between the two of them. "Ok, Daddy Nick!"

With that he squirmed down from Kevin and Nick’s arms after giving them both a kiss and ran back into the other room with Taco scampering after him, yipping happily.

Max stayed right where he was, planted directly between his owners and Ann Richardson.

Ann’s eyes followed the little boy into the living room. "Daddy?" To say the tone was disbelief would be pretty accurate.

Kevin refused to answer the question, "What do you want? I think you’ve made your position pretty clear."

Ann looked a little stunned at how Kevin was talking to her. "I came to see my son. Why is that so surprising?"

Brian raised an eyebrow from where he was, still near the door. "Well considering you disowned everyone in this room…."

Kevin raised his hand, making sure to raise the one with his wedding ring, to hush Brian. "You want to talk to me, fine. We do it outside on the back deck."

As they all made their way to the out to the back deck, Kevin leaned on Nick for support both physically and emotionally. The war was still raging inside of him. The hurt was winning out. A voice inside reminded him of her conditions for acceptance. The total denial of who he really was, of who he loved.

They reached the back deck and Kevin turned to his mother, wanting to hear what she was going to say. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Facing forward

Be yourself.

I’ve never wanted anything

No I’ve never wanted anything

So bad

He held Nick’s hand in his and braced himself for whatever was coming, good or bad.

Nick stood behind Kevin and smiled a little when the solid warmth of Kevin’s body leaned up against his. He wrapped his arms around Kevin’s torso, feeling him snuggle a fraction closer and they both looked at Ann.

Brian could be seen just barely though the patio doors, hunched over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table and glancing out through the doors every few seconds to check on what was happening.

Ann cleared her throat softly and looked at Kevin, "Can I talk to you…alone?"

Kevin turned his head to look at Nick and shook his head as Nick thought that was his cue to go sit inside with Brian, but when he tried to move away, Kevin just held his hands tighter, refusing to let go.

"No. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of my husband."

Ann winced on the word ‘husband’. Visibly. Kevin knew it was not going to be good. The degree of how wrong it was going to go was the only question now.

"Very well then. I want you to give up this charade before it’s too late."

Kevin sighed so softly that only Nick heard him. "What charade is that? For the first time in my life I’m being true to who I am. There are no charades here."

Ann crossed her arms over her chest, "Kevin. I know you. I raised you. You dated girls. You were engaged to one. A girl is what started this whole mess. That girl was Satan, but there was no need to completely shun a gender over her. Kevin, you have been into women your entire life, I’m am not buying this charade at all."

Kevin thought over his life, doing as he was supposed to, but feeling nothing. Knowing something was missing. He’d never been more miserable in his life.

Cardboard masks of all the people I’ve been

Thrown out with all the rusted, tangled,

Dented God damned miseries

You could say I’m hard to hold

But if you knew me you’d know

"There is nothing to buy. All those girls? I didn’t love any of them. I wanted to feel something for them, I really did. A couple of them, I thought I was in love, but it never felt right. Something was missing. And when Nick and I went through all we did, I felt it. A void so big and so deep inside of me was filled for the first time and I felt alive.

This is who I am. And I love Nick and he loves me. There is no charade in that. We have a good life. One full of love. Yes, I have a son. And in a few months, we will have two more beautiful children. I have friends who love me and stand by me no matter what. I have family that loves me. You are the only one who turned your back on me. I am still every bit of a Richardson that I was before. If there is anyone with a charade in this, it’s you deluding yourself that I need you. I’ve said my farewell to you and the memory of you long ago."

Ann looked taken aback at how Kevin was talking to her, her baby son telling her with no hesitation that he had no need for her any more. It was a mother’s worst nightmare. But it was a nightmare of her own doing. That, she would never admit to herself. So she fought on.

"What about your father Kevin, what would he think of what you’ve done to yourself?"

I have a good father

And his strength is what makes me cry

Feet on ground

Heart in hand

Facing forward

Be yourself

Nick felt Kevin stiffen in his arms and knew that Ann was very close to the line. Nick wasn’t too sure he could hold Kevin back if she crossed it. Even sick, his passion was capable of overpowering Nick in seconds if he wanted to accomplish something.

"I know that he would be happy for me. That he loves Nick as much as I do, for the simple fact that he makes me happy. Unlike you, that’s all he ever wanted for me. I know in my heart that he’s happy for me. I’ve accomplished everything he could have wanted for me. I’m married to someone who loves me completely and that I love the same way. I have a kind and beautiful son. Success bigger than even my most outlandish dreams. Friends that are the backbone of my life, good friends that love me for who I am. Despite being sick, I’ve never been more happy and content in my life. I’m sure if you think real hard on it, and be honest with yourself, you would know how he would feel about this."

Ann shook her head. Brian could tell from where he was that she was not happy at all. He could also see that Kevin was barely hanging onto his control and Nick was doing all he could to settle Kevin before he blew up.

No good was going to come of this. Brian could just tell. He only hoped that Kevin was strong enough to weather it.

"Kevin, you need to repent before it’s too late."

That froze both Kevin and Nick. Kevin cleared his throat, mulling his words carefully. "Repent to who for what?"

Ann reached her hand out to him, like she was trying to touch him without invading the space he had created around himself. "To God. This is your punishment, Kevin. For turning from Him, for being an aberration in His eyes. A sodomite. You turn away from all you were taught. From being a decent, God fearing gentleman to….this. It’s not too late! Repent! Walk away from this foolishness and beg forgiveness!"

Nick’s eyes widened throughout the speech. The line had been crossed. The line had most definitely been crossed. He tightened his arms around Kevin and felt the tremor go clean through him. That one reaction was more than Nick could bear. "Now you listen here you....."

Fingers were pressed to his lips. Kevin's warm, soft fingers. They rubbed Nick's lips softly, hardly moving, but it was enough to silence him. Kevin looked in Nick's eyes for a minute, seeming to gain some peace in their depths before turning to face the person in front of him he no longer recognized.

If there was one thing he'd learned in all of this, it was that not being yourself and having the freedom that granted you, would kill you faster than any disease or cancer would. It killed your soul. It killed the potential of who you were meant to be. He wouldn't give up the happiness, the acceptance by those that mattered to him, the family of his own making that surrounded him for anything. Not even for his mother.

"I think it's best if you leave."

Ann's jaw dropped as she stared at her son. "B..but."

Kevin grabbed Nick's hand and started to lead him to the patio door, "Let's get started on lunch. There's nothing out here for me any more."

Feet on Ground

Heart in hand

Facing Forward

Be Yourself

Just Be Yourself

Song used was Jann Arden's Good Mother. It can be listened to (thanks to help from Matt) on real audio just hit this link and it will load it up for you. It's streaming so you don't have to download it, it should come up right away. Eventually I'll be doing audio files for all songs on my site. =)

Good Mother

If that one doesn't work, try this one