Fall from Grace

Chapter 21

This chapter © and written by Danielle

Kevin looked up at the sky, pondering the question. "It’s really far up there, Jellybean. Where no rocket or plane or spaceship can fly."

Dylan nodded, "Momma says that heaven is really nice, that you have lots of fun. You can play all you want without getting tired and eat as much candy as you can and you don’t even have to brush your teeth!"

Kevin smiled at Dylan’s view of Heaven. It sounded pretty nice to him. "Yeah, heaven is really nice. Your mom is right. It’s where you get to go for being really good They give you angel’s wings so you don’t fall through the clouds and nice new clothes that are all white and beautiful."

Dylan nodded, "Daddy, do you have to go to heaven now?"

Kevin sat up and Dylan climbed up on his lap. He looked down into his son’s tiny face, "I have to go soon, Jellybean. But not right now."

Dylan started plucking the front of Kevin’s shirt, "When will they tell me that I have to go to heaven too?"

Kevin kissed the top of Dylan’s head, "Sometimes you don’t get told, it’s a big surprise. But, you won’t be going for a long, long time."

Dylan tilted his head, "But…but I want to see you Daddy. I want to see you with wings and….I don’t want to wait a long time to see you! Bring me with you Daddy! Bring me!"

Kevin felt his heart explode in his chest at his son’s words, the tears falling down his cheeks fast and furious, "Oh Dylan! I can’t baby, I’m so sorry, but I can’t. Who would take care of your mommies? I need you to take care of Nick for me, so he doesn’t get too sad and lonely and you have to brand new sisters that are coming soon and you have to be their big brother." He held Dylan close to him, rocking him and trying to stop his tears. "I’m so sorry Jellybean, I’m so sorry."

Dylan was hanging onto his dad with all of the strength in his little arms, burying his face in Kevin’s neck and crying just as hard.

Kevin swallowed his tears and the lump in his throat, still rocking Dylan and trying to get his vocal chords to loosen enough to let him sing. Softly, the music started coming from him, just loud enough to for only he and Dylan to hear.

I swear to you

I will always be there for you

There’s nothing I won’t do

I promise you

All my life I will live for you

We will make it through

Forever we will be

Together, you and me

Oh and when I hold ya, nothing can compare

With all of my heart, you know I’ll always be, right there.

Dylan laid his head on Kevin’s shoulder, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Kevin’s neck as he listened to his father sing. He stayed quiet, listening and loving being in his daddy’s big, strong arms. Somewhere inside his three and a half year old body, he knew that this was a moment he wanted to remember.

Kevin felt Dylan snuggle closer and continued singing, rubbing his good hand over his son’s back, wanting this moment to last forever.

I believe in us

Nothing else could ever mean so much.

You’re the one I trust

Our time has come

We’re not two people now, we are one

Ya, you’re second to none

Forever we will be

Together, a family

The more I get to know you

Nothing can compare

With all of my heart, you know I’ll always be

Right there.

Dylan lifted his head and stood on Kevin’s legs so he was the same height as Kevin’s face, "Daddy that was bootiful!"

Kevin smiled and rubbed noses with Dylan, "Thank you, Jellybean. You know what that song means?"

Dylan shook his head, holding onto his father’s fingers to keep himself balanced on Kevin’s legs. Kevin put his forehead to Dylan’s for a second, "It means that no matter what, if I’m here or in heaven, I’m going to be with you. I’ll be watching over you, making sure you’re ok. You won’t be able to see me, but I’ll be watching you and Daddy Nick and your moms and your Uncle Howie and Uncle Brian and Uncle Playdoh Head."

Dylan started to giggle at the name Playdoh Head. Dylan had had come running up to AJ after one of his hair color "experiments" and smacked a glob of Playdoh in AJ’s hands and danced around him calling him Playdoh Head. Everyone had fallen out on the floor laughing when AJ held it up to his hair and it was the EXACT shade of the lump of plahdoh in his hand. It was a burst of laughter that everyone needed desperately. Poor AJ though, ever since that day, the name Playdoh Head stuck.

Kevin smiled as he saw Dylan’s face scrunched up in concentration, "What’cha thinking about, Jellybean?"

Dylan was looking up at the clouds again, "Daddy, if heaven is far away, how can you see me?"

Kevin chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip, trying to figure out an answer that would be easy to understand for a three year old. "Well Jellybean, when you get to heaven, you get your wings and nice clothes and you also get these super powers…."

"Like Superman?"

Kevin smiled and nodded, "Yeah, like Superman, but this power is better than his. You see, when you go to heaven, you get this power that even though you are in heaven, you can be where people are thinking about you, even though they can’t see you."

"You’re indavisible?"

"Yup. Pretty cool huh?"

Dylan nodded, "Yeah!" He chewed on his bottom lip in a move that reminded Kevin so much of Nick it warmed his heart. It was like God took the best of both he and Nick and put it into this little boy. "Daddy, do you still know all your letters?"

Kevin smiled, over the course of the tour, he and Dylan had been practicing printing each of the letters of the alphabet. They needed to get back to that. He wanted Dylan to know how to print the whole alphabet before he was….well he wanted to leave Dylan with the alphabet in printing as something he’d leave behind. "I do remember, Jellybean."

Dylan clapped his hands, "Will you remember how to do them in Heaven?"

Kevin raised his eyebrow, still smiling, trying to figure out where Dylan was going with this, "I’m sure I will."

Dylan smiled back at his dad, "Daddy, write me a letter from heaven. When you have to go, tell God that you have to write me and tell me you got there ok. And you have to send me a picture, Daddy! Send me a picture of your wings! Promise, Daddy! Promise me you’ll draw me a picture of your wings so I know you got to Heaven."

At that moment, Kevin would have ripped the stars from the sky for the little boy looking at him with so much desperation. He would find a way, somehow, to do what he was about to promise. "I promise, Jellybean. I promise."

Dylan barreled at his Dad and gave him the biggest hug his little body could handle. Kevin just hung onto him for dear life and knew he would do anything at all for this little boy in his arms, because the one thing Dylan wanted him to do, he couldn’t.

Live.

"I love you, Jellybean."

Dylan pulled away enough that he could hold Kevin’s face in his two tiny hands, "I love you too, Daddy."

Kevin smiled, "Do you know how much I love you?"

Dylan’s eyes lit up, this was a little tradition with them, "How much, Daddy?"

Kevin took Dylan’s tiny hand in his and put it on his chest, right above his heart, "From here." He took their hands and moved to the same spot on Dylan’s chest, "To here."

He let go of Dylan’s hand and pointed to his own eyes, "From here," He pointed to Dylan’s eyes, "To here."

Then he spread out his hands so they were stretched wide open, "From here," Dylan stretched out his arms also like his Dad’s, "To here."

Dylan fell into Kevin’s arms and they hugged each other tight, "And most important, Jellybean. From here," He squeezed Dylan tighter in the hug, "To everyone we love."

Kevin tickled Dylan’s sides, "Cause what do we with Love?"

Dylan giggled and squirmed, trying to get away from Kevin’s tickling fingers, "We spread it!"

Kevin laughed at the faces Dylan was making, "Spread it like what?"

"JELLY!!!"

Kevin grinned and started dancing around with Dylan in his arms, "And what do we do when we’ve spread it like Jelly?"

"THE JELLYBEAN!!!!"

Kevin and Dylan started doing a weird little dance around the backyard. It was Dylan’s own dance, called the Jellybean. Nick explained when he and Dylan made it up one day that it was a modified ‘Kevin’s Happy Turtle Dance For Joy’. It had the butt wiggle and the little penguin waddle, but scaled down for Dylan. And although the Kevin Turtle Dance was pretty cute. To Nick, nothing beat the sight out of his patio doors. His two favorite people in the world doing a crazy dance around the yard like they didn’t have a care in the world until they both flopped on the ground laughing too hard to walk.

He held the camera behind his back and smiled at the scene, tears of happiness dripping down his face. Nick didn’t think there was a more perfect moment in the world than the one he’d just witnessed.

TBC….